This Passed-Out Kid Is Why You Shouldn't Eat Dinner Before The Cowboys Play

Your morning roundup for Nov. 25, the day we ran away from vengeful turkeys. Photo h/t Scott. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

This Passed-Out Kid Is Why You Shouldn't Eat Dinner Before The Cowboys Play

What we watched: Fucking football, OK? What do you think, we're some kind of sissies who don't enjoy watching three-hundred-pound men beat each other up while we mainline giblet gravy?

Actually, I'd be lying if I said I caught more than ten minutes total of the first two games. This was not my choice, but the choice of my holiday hosts on the Upper West Side of Manhattan who pretend that football doesn't exist. They cook a mean bird, and a spicy, hearty carrot soup, but at what cost?

Instead of football, we got the smooth jazz sounds of Music Choice, with blue notes and double basses and buzzing that was even more irritating than Phil Simms usually is. Instead of watching HD monitors, we watched the sun set over the Hudson. Overrated. It happens every day. But sloppy football? We've gotta treasure that.

Elsewhere

Ah, OK, the Packers might be pretty good: "Coordinator Dom Capers dramatically shifted his game plan after two weeks of heavy blitzing. Instead, according to ESPN Stats & Information, he sent four or fewer pass-rushers on a season-high 77.6 percent of quarterback Matthew Stafford's drop backs. Capers maximized the players he devoted to coverage and left Stafford checking down to running backs and tight ends for most of the game." [ESPN]

Old guy goalie's career tragically cut short: "Paul Deutsch played hooky from beer-league game at Bloomington Ice Gardens on Wednesday night. The 51-year-old, who began tending goal at the tender age of 37, instead wore a Wild jersey during warmups Wednesday night prior to the Wild's game against the Nashville Predators. After the Wild got word that Niklas Backstrom, slated to be the starter, would have to miss the game for a non-serious personal matter, it recalled third goalie Matt Hackett from the Houston Aeros. But Hackett's plane didn't arrive until just prior to gametime, so the Wild signed Deutsch, who owns a screen printing and embroidery story in Richfield, to an amateur contract Wednesday afternoon to fill in during warmups and potentially back up Josh Harding if Hackett's plane was late." [Star-Tribune]

Tiger Woods is back: "Rolex, the watchmaker, and Fuse Science, a sports nutrition start-up, had enough confidence in Woods to sign sponsorship deals with him. Although the details were not released, they replace only a fraction of the income Woods lost when AT&T, Accenture, Gatorade, Gillette and others cut ties with him. And at his peak, he might not have entered these partnerships, branding experts say." [NYT]

Your Spice Girls Pepsi Commercial interlude:

The polls are stacked against poor Bobby Petrino: "The USA TODAY Coaches Poll is one-third of the formula that determines the BCS standings. But of the three teams in the SEC West hunt, only Alabama and LSU have coaches among the 59 voters on this year's panel. The reason Arkansas' Bobby Petrino is not a voter this year comes down to the luck of the draw." [USA Today]

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal here. Now do it.

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