Barefoot gal in hiked-up pink, thong-revealing getup or heels-sporting jean lady in loose tanktop. Contestant who got kicked in the grill vs. a virtual human centipede of flailing femarms.

Who ya got?

In any case, the moral of this story seems relatively simple to discern: When you go to Atlantic City — looks like it's the Tropicana, right upstairs from the best Hooters east of the Mississippi — YOU WILL BEHAVE OR SECURITY WILL MODIFY YOUR BEHAVIOR. Little matter: Everyone's a winner in A.C.

Best of the rest:

• If you hit someone with a belt near a Russian public-transit bus, you will get forcibly put back on the bus (and someone with no depth perception will try to record it all)

• "Hair was flyin'" at the Walmart nail salon

• 0:06-0:14 and 1:09-1:14 tell you all you need to know about this "Black Friday 'fight brawl.'"

• Your requisite Finnish hockey update: "Pelicans vs HIFK Epic Puck Drop Line Brawl"

• Houston's crisis intervention team member called in when "Man goes Crazy in Court cuz he was late"

• BRAWL INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE QUINZEE COURT HOUSE!!!