Erie, Pa. High-School Coach Takes On "Boy Lovers" And "Selfish Pig" Girlfriends In Email Rant

Chet Moffett (right, collecting trash) is the cross-country coach at Cathedral Preparatory School in Erie, Pa. He's also a guidance counselor. And just last week, he was totally pissed off about the lack of fan support for Prep's basketball team in its 51-46 loss to General McLane High. Or as he referred to it in an epic 468-word rant emailed out to the entire student body, "General McLame." Zing!

He went on from there:

Chet Moffett's e-mail ... said students who preferred to sit with their parents should "cut the umbilical cord and grow a pair," and referred to students who sat with classmates as "boy lovers."

In response to students who chose to sit with their girlfriends, Moffett wrote "if she made or wanted you to sit with her, then she is a high maintenance, selfish pig and you should dump her now."

Moffett also ... called General McLane fans "mayonnaise sandwich eating, sister loving, trailer park dwelling clowns."

Makes sense. After all, mayonnaise is an incestual spread. However, Moffett quickly realized the error of his typing ways and apologized for "a complete lapse of judgment on my part, and although it would seem otherwise, it does not represent who I strive to be as a person."

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He offered to resign a couple times, but apparently the Cathedral Prep elders were content to take two weeks of pay away from their lead spirit guide. Anyway, here's the full text of Email No. 1 in which Moffett emailed the school's student body with his "winter sports briefing":

Gentlemen —
I wanted to drop you all a line and give you my thoughts on Tuesday's basketball game at general mcLame. I have been a coach here at Prep since 1998; so I have witnessed my share of close games (wins and losses), and I am fine with that.

What I am not ok with is the fact that during the game, the GM student body out did us! It pains me to say that, but it's true. I was perplexed about this during the game, because I did notice that we had our usual cast that have showed incredible school spirit in the past; then after the game, I counted 36 (and I'm sure I missed a few) Prep students that chose not to sit in the cheering section.

Gentlemen — that is unacceptable!!

I asked one student that did not sit in the cheering section and his reply was, "I wanted to sit with my girlfriend". My reply was simple, "If she made or wanted you sit with her, then she is a high maintenance, selfish pig and you should dump her now and if you wanted to sit with her and ignore your brethren on the floor, then join [a former Prep student who since has transferred] at mercyworst!" In other words there is no excuse!

Another student told me that he wanted to sit with his parents. My reply, "Cut the umbilical cord and grow a pair!" In other words there is no excuse!

Another kid told me that he just wanted to "hang out with his friends". I had no reply; I have no patience for boy lovers!

Guys — there are no excuses for not cheering for your school!

Understand guys — we set the standard with our cheering section! We were named the best fans in the state by the Pittsburgh Post Gazette! That's 150 miles away! Every news crew in this town wants to cover our games because of our cheering section! The 36 plus that didn't cheer for their school (and you know who you are) should be ashamed of themselves! You have chosen to be a part of a Brotherhood that no other school will ever understand! Your classmates make sacrifices in blood, sweat, tears to represent this school — show your support!

Every game we go to our goal should be to make the opposing team, their family and their coaches as uncomfortable as possible! I hold the entire school accountable! Never should a bunch of mayonnaise sandwich eating, sister loving, trailer park dwelling clowns at general mclane ever chant "we can't hear you" to Cathedral Prep! Let's show our support to all winter sports (basketball, hockey, swimming and wrestling) and do it the Cathedral Prep way!

Please fix this!

Have a wonderful holiday,
Coach Moffett

Egads. Someone's got spirit, yeah, got spirit, yeah, got spirit, yeah; he's got what, what, what, what, a whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat. Someone also probably got a good Cathedral Prep talking-to. A few days later came this mass email:

Gentlemen —
Last Thursday I sent you all an email about our cheering section at the basketball game. Since that time I have received lots of feedback, both positive and negative. I sat down and looked at the email again and I realized I was wrong.

Guys — I sent the email mainly to inspire and motivate our student body. Although I did not attend Cathedral Prep, I am extremely committed to this school and what it stands for and it frustrates me when I see Men of Prep not reaching their potential. It was an attempt to reach you all; however, I have come to realize that my email was hurtful, distasteful and unprofessional.

Please understand, homophobic statements, the mentioning of former students and degrading comments about women are not (and never should be) part of the vernacular of a Man of Prep. For that, I am truly sorry.

If you noticed this year, there are signs all around the building that describe the "Profile of a Rambler". It is broken down into four different categories: Spirituality, Intellectual Competence, Self-discipline and Community Awareness. After reading all of these I realize that I failed you all. I will be much more vigilant in the future and hope you all can accept my sincerest apology.

Have a wonderful holiday,
Coach Moffett

Not for nothing, Coach's positive feedback must have been something to behold.

Cathedral Prep suspends coach, counselor Moffett for insulting e-mail [Erie TImes-News] (H/T Numerous tipsters)