A few things can be taken from this fisticuffs festival outside a Jack-in-the-Box somewhere out there. ALWAYS guard yourself after you land a shot, especially if your foe has already landed at least three to your dome. NEVER hit a man when he's down. And YES, there are still Jack-in-the-Box eateries out there (2,200 in 19 states? Egads).

Fight's over within 35 seconds. Then, there's about a minute of watching teenagers try to fit in in a parking lot.

Other Tuesday Night Fights:

• "Sfida tra gruppi - rissa totale regolamentata," which probably loosely translates to "14:52 of weird Russian fighting with accordion accompaniment."

Two body slams in 28 seconds. Who knew Lil Romeo was so badass?

This crime video from Chicago is infuriatingly horrible.

Your Angry, Shirtless London Drunks, Just Like Us Interlude:

• "St. Pauli vs. VFB Lübeck crazy fight"

• "Hoodrat Girls Brawl and Go Ham at Detroit Gas Station"

• The shot landed at 0:49 is worth the price of admission alone. So is the comment as the filming comes to an end.

Your Holy Shit, This Mother Of The Year Totally Knocks A Kid Out With A Swift Kick To The Face Coda:

What starts as street rasslin' quickly gives way to announcer-induced face punches and an attempted choke-out. That's when some lady — self-identified as the mother of the kid getting bested — steps into the frame and drives her cuneiforms, metatarsals and phalanges straight into the face of her son's opponent.

"Fuckin' chokin' out m'boy," she immediately explains as if she's auditioning for one of those Irish-chick roles on Sons of Anarchy.

Then, she proceeds to step in the way when Tony attempts to tangle with mama's lil swagger/staggering angel. Tony don't know what to fuckin' do. And the kid who took ferocious foot to face is nothing but a traffic hazard.