I hate Euro Decals. HATE THEM. They are the fucking scourge of the highways: one goddamn SUV after another with some precious OBX circle sticker planted somewhere above the trunk handle. People like slapping Euro decals on their car because they like letting you know where they spend their leisure time. Oh, do you not summer in KPT? What a pity. Muffy McLuffyburger threw a grand clambake for us all there last weekend! What fun! What joy! DIE. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
So I was conflicted the other day when I was driving on the road and I found myself behind a car that had an IRQ Euro decal on the back, with the words "I served" tucked underneath, along the bottom of the black circle. That's right. They're making vacation stickers for veterans now, condensing your three-year tour of duty into a pithy abbreviation that makes it seem like going overseas to pull Saddam out of his spider hole is the same as a three-night stay in Martha's Vineyard (MV).
The stickers are offered by Operation Homefront, a charity that helps military families in need. It's clearly a noble endeavor, and I have no doubt that the people behind this decals have their hearts in the right place. They want you to pause for a moment while you're screaming at the car in front of you to let you know that the car you're yelling at is being driven by a veteran, and that he may be going too slow because he no longer has his left leg. Perhaps the charity even conceived of these decals as a way of subtly undermining all the other dipshit Euro decals littering the road. Oh, you went to Hilton Head (HH) once? That's nice. I FOUGHT AND DIED FOR YOUR FUCKING GOLF TRIP.
But in the end, I fear that creating an IRQ Euro decal hurts more than it helps. Most people aren't going to think they're subversive. They're gonna be like, "Oh, he served! That's nice," and then move along with their vacation to Rehoboth Beach (RB). An IRQ Euro decal takes a noble endeavor most affluent Americans shun and integrates it into their douchetastic little world of summers in Kennebunkport (KPT) and Charleston (CHS). I asked a real Iraq veteran, Matt Ufford, what he thought of these decals. His response:
oh fuck no
wait, no, that doesn't quite capture it.
There, indeed. The men and women serving in our armed forces are better than this trend. Come to think of it, aren't we all?