Dead Letters: "I Will Pray That GOD Will Help You Mature And Cleanse Your Mind And Mouth"S

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: Retaking the SAT

From: Felix Kasza
To: Drew Magary

Hi!

I am 47. The math examples you offered are *easy* — took under a minute, no calculator, and no formula cheat sheet either. Could it be that your cussing only reflects your personal ineptness? Or do you honestly believe that someone who cannot subtract the sum of two angles from 360 and then execute a multiplication and a division should be allowed to attend university?

The teacher grading your essay, by the way, was kinder than I would have been. Both the essay and your article read as if they had been authored by a teenager for a child, excepting the swearing which is usually the resort of writers with a limited vocabulary. I can and have done better, and English is my third language.

Headshakingly yours,
Felix.

Subject: Just a simple question?

From: Susan Cooper
To: Drew Magary

Mr. Magary

May I ask you what where the benefits, to your cute artilce about retaking the SAT, derived buy the use of profanities?

I am sure that a person of your talent, as demonstrated in the article, knows what a Thesaurus is. You probably have even used one. Most word processors include one in the program.

It is a shame that such talent is wasted taking the easy way out and lowering your professional standards instead of showing truly what you have become. I wonder what your parents think of your writing style. I feel sorry for them.

Regards,
Susan Cooper

Subject: "and now, your SAT score is?" SHAME

From: Lance Hartman
To: Drew Magary

I see that after 18 years, you still write with the same illiteracy as you did in high school. All that cursing does nothing to hold attention.

Lance

Subject: you haven't grown up even now

From: Tom Edge
To: Drew Magary

In my opinion, you are a dumb and resentful, belligerent, un-educated, and think you are so dang smart. With language like you use, your iq must be around 80, if even that high. Get a life and learn to write an article without using the F word that all dummies use to try to project themselves as smart and powerful. You, my friend, are a FAILURE.

Subject: When a 35 year old takes SAT

From: Missy Morrison
To: Drew Magary

Drew,

It sadden me to arduously read through you article. You are obviously frustrated. But, really, the IQ you displayed by using the colorful adjectives along with pulling our friend Jesus Christ into the mix really made your article and your opinion irrelevant.

While it is a great subject for debate you ruined for me, as a reader looking for an author's point of view with some form of intelligence gained from research and in your case hands on experience, it all went out the window because of your choice of words...

What was it that Budda said..."Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.


Regards,

Missy Morrison

Subject: Retaking the SAT

From: Jim Kelly
To: Drew Magary

Hey Potty-Mouth
You may be older but you still talk like a middle scchool student trying to impress a bunch of school drop-out with yourrWISDOM and Power!!

Subject: vulgarity

From: Jake Cornelius
To: Drew Magary

Read you for the first time and was appalled by your language. I will pray that GOD will help you mature and cleanse your mind and mouth. Will not be reading you again.

Subject: Your Peyton Manning Article

From: Rich Vissa
To: Drew Magary

I just came across your Peyton Manning article through Zite, an iPad news aggregator. I never heard of Deadspin, and after reading your article I probably will never visit the site again. I just want you to know that there are many educated people in America who mourn the loss of civilized discourse in America and the dumbing down of today's media and journalism. Your Peyton Manning article is just more grist for the mill on the demise of America's values. And I am not a "redneck" Tebow fanatic. What a pity that articles like yours get any kind of broad distribution.

Rich Vissa
Hoboken, NJ

Subject: 'draw something'

From: Kevin Coppola
To: The Staff

Deadspin—

I am playing the new viral ____ w/ friends game called Draw Something, which is essentially Pictionary without having to buy a giant notepad. They have plenty of celebrities thrown in as words you might have to draw and one that recently came up was Lin. Should I feel bad for drawing a shamelessly racist caricature of what appears to be a railroad building asian in a Knicks jersey?

Please don't attach my name to this (obviously)

Dead Letters: "I Will Pray That GOD Will Help You Mature And Cleanse Your Mind And Mouth"

Subject: Mr. Goodell

From: Debbie Koppman
To: rskinner@nfl.net
BCC: The Staff

Mr. Goodell,

I'm stunned. The punishment handed down to my beloved Saints is not only harsh, it's excessive, it's egregious (and that's a word the NFL likes to use). It reeks of "bounty hunting", the very thing that we're being accused of and being punished for. I want to hear from the 22-27 players that the league has referenced. Who are they? What do they have to say? Do they get their day in court or are you the judge and jury that answers to no one and plays by your own rules. The NFL is not a court of law, or is it? Mr. Goodell, don't stop with the Saints. Take your "investigation" to every team in the league and while you're at it analyze the player's contract negotiations to insure that no "pay" can be based on "performance".

And oh yeah, you still want an 18 game season, right? More games, longer season? Any chance that plays into the player safety discussion?

Respectfully,

Debbie Koppman

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