Oh, this is delicious. The usually level-headed and sane Dan Shaughnessy had a few things to say following the absolute drubbing of the Red Sox by the Detroit Tigers yesterday. This one had it all. An already-short-with-the-media Bobby Valentine, continued Josh Beckett injury speculation and Shaughnessy's signature ethereal baseball movers and shakers.
The omens were all good. The game was played on Bobby Doerr's 94th birthday. The first pitch was thrown at a Teddy Ballgame time of 4:06. Boston's absentee owner was buoyed by a big 1-1 draw in Liverpool, and the Red Sox had Josh Beckett on the mound, with a plan to "execute pitches.''
Beckett, unfortunately would merely extend batting practice for the Tigers as he gave up five home runs in less than five innings—two each to Prince Fielder and Miguel Cabrera. He even grooved one right in Dan-o's wheelhouse. "It was the worst possible start for a $17 million pitcher who failed the Sox down the stretch in the epic collapse of 2011, then was outed as a primary perp in the chicken-and-beer fiasco that finished Terry Francona in Boston." Undeterred and emboldened by the disastrous start to the season, Shaughnessy marched on, in the most Boston sad-sack homer way imaginable.
Would it be piling on if we point out that the Sox have lost 22 of their last 29 games? And how many Titanic analogies will you read if these Sox come home something like 1-5 for their Friday-the-13th Fenway opener two days before the 100th anniversary of the demise of the White Star Line ship?
Friday the 13th, a tragic sinking of the unsinkable and a nice clean, round-numbered anniversary? Pile away, Dan. Pile away. His blood lust insatiable, Shaughnessy turned to Bobby Valentine ("Bobby V's first two games have been a disaster.") who could not be more pleased to answer questions about the team's slow start.
"I don't know what a ‘start' means,'' Valentine said when asked about getting off to a slow start. "Is two games a start? Is a month a start? I think we can still get off to a good start.''
While Shaughnessy does remind his readers that it is still early, it's clear that at least someone in Boston is in mid-season form.
For starters, this defeat looked a lot like September [Boston Globe]