Kevin Youkilis has had a rough start to his 2012 season. He's hitting .200/.265/.223, and the Red Sox are 3-5. (CLARIFICATION: They were 3-5 when Valentine gave this quote. They're 4-5 now.) But it's the smallest of sample sizes, and the Red Sox got off to a bad start last year and everything worked out almost perfectly, so there's no reason to fret, right, new level-headed manager Bobby Valentine?

I don't think he's as physically or emotionally into the game as he has been in the past for some reason. But [on Saturday] it seemed, you know, he's seeing the ball well, got those two walks, got his on-base percentage up higher than his batting average, which is always a good thing, and he'll move on from there.

Youkilis has lost his passion "for some reason?" Is Bobby Valentine subtly blaming this—which is, what, eight games of middling offense?—on Youkilis's betrothed, Tom Brady's sister? Is Tom Brady's sister driving the Red Sox apart? Is Bobby Valentine actually Bob Hohler?

On Opening Day, David Ortiz said the Red Sox had a chance to change things around from last season. He was right. The Red Sox are changing things. They're putting a smiling face on their newly transparent smear campaign!