Dead Letters: This Is The Worst Comment In Deadspin History

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

User Ceraunograph dropped this bomb in Tuesday's Johan Santana post and we thought it deserved special recognition:

Go back to reporting "news" Barry. This article is one big stereotype written by somebody who has never met a Mets fan in person. Seriously, if you replaced "mets fans" with "black people" in most deadpsin articles you'd be crucified.

Now for your regularly scheduled emails:

Subject: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

From: Ben Norris
To: The Staff

http://deadspin.com/5916655/theres...

THERE WAS A WANG-DICKEY MATCHUP IN WASHINGTON DAWG

Subject: RE: There's A Naughtily Named Pitching Matchup In The National League Today

From: Christopher S.
To: Tom Scocca

I don't get the naughty name here? However, the Met and Nationals had a dong-filled starting pitching cast today with R.A. Dicky and Chien-Ming Wang on the mound. I thought that you guys may enjoy the attached text message conversation that I had with a few buddies.

Have a boneriffic day!

-Chris

Dead Letters: This Is The Worst Comment In Deadspin History

Subject: Foolish

From: Chris Rotelli
To: Drew Magary

you have no idea what you are talking about, and clearly have no idea what lacrosse is.

stick to writing about things you have actually experienced for yourself.

dork.

Subject: Please Fix

From: Jordan Landau
To: Tom Scocca

The title of this article needs to be changed

"There Is No Best Player In The NBA: The Problem With The Basketball Hero Industry"

Please change it. It's the least you could do to help the world get a better sense of the truth.

Subject: No Best Player in the NBA

From: Martin Mayhew
To: Tom Scocca

Great article. Couldn't agree more, and the rock, paper, scissors quote is classic.

Seriously though, can the people at Deadspin just not get over Bill Simmons. Your attempted jab, while maybe funny, just seems to make the Deadspin obsession with Simmons more pathetic.

Get over it already.

Subject: Thomas Jefferson

From: Michael Smith
To: The Staff

Not to be a nit-picky doucher over here, but that is exactly what I am going to be. Jefferson never said there should be separation of Church and State. He said that there is a "wall of separation" which the government could not breach. And this idea was hardly his, it was a very popular opinion of the time. Actually, three days after writing this very letter, he attended church…INSIDE the US Capitol Building, as he did almost every Sunday. So anyone who ever talks about that being in the Constitution is:
1. Wrong

2. Misquoting.

3. Misquoting the wrong author.

Mike Smith
Sales and Marketing Manager
www.nuway.com

[Ed. note: We never said it was in the Constitution.]

Subject: [No subject]

From: MTS
To: The Staff

Dear DeadSpin,
Did you know the New York Mets plan to sell 41,922 reprints of Johann Santana's no-hit game. I hope the tickets come with an asterix, stating that not only are these not real tickets that they should also say on the ticket that it is owned by some jerkoff who had $50 and was so much of a banwagoner that they bought a ticket reprint just so they could impress someone with their fake ticket, and also on that ticket that in fact the no-hitter that Johan Santana threw is also false. Mostly due to Bud Seligs inability, to get with the 21st century and introduce replay. The umps seem to get it (calls) wrong so often in games that should real meaning. How do you think that guy from last year feels about his 1 hit game because an ump feel asleep on a call and made the wrong call which cost him his place in Copperstown. I know with all the cameras that venues have (I worked at one for eight years) it shows every play from 10 different angles and at super slowmo speeds and look at it back and forth , but that is the point. If a call is iffy and it can determine the outcome of a game, instead of the umps making an incorrect call and then having Lou Pinella or Billy Martin yelling and screaming ,throwing bases , kicking dirt or costing a player his maybe only one chance to have his named rememered for all time in Ohio. All this could be prevented by having an ump in a location with a mointor that can review plays and the ability to make the correct call.

Subject: "Girls Lacrosse"—just no apostrophe at all, dumbass???

From: Tedd Cheney
To: Jack Dickey

[No text.]

From: Jack Dickey
To: Tedd Cheney

To quote just one source:

girls sports No apostrophe in such constructions as girls basketball or girls track. In this sense, girls is an adjective, not a possessive noun. But women's basketball does take an apostrophe, in keeping with AP style.

Someday you'll have to explain to me how a "Tedd" can grouse about (correct, for what it's worth) orthography.

Subject: Good article

From: Sarah Dall
To: Drew Magary

..but very angry? I bet you get that in your day to day life too. We're talking to business people here, lay off the sarcasm and cursing, just a thought. If there was any valuable information here I can't pass it along to our team to evaluate our practices. And if an email is forwarded to me the email of the original recipient is often lost, having their email in the signature line helps a ton. Cheers!

Sarah Dall
Broker Sales Manager
MCH Strategic Data
Toll Free Direct: [phone number redacted]
[email address redacted]
www.mchdata.com

Subject: Call NBC Sports for Jim Gray's whereabouts

From: mario giorlando
To: Dom Cosentino

Jim Gray is working the Olympics on the NBC Networks this Summer (probably boxing). That is not his car, for he drives Lexus. Why don't you guys look into Marv Albert betting "milkshakes" on the second half of Game 5 OKC/San Antonio. Steven Jackson's waived off last second three had meaning for someone in the booth. I can't find video, but this is what he said:

"They've waived off the last field goal by Stephen Jackson, the 3 pointer, those of you dealing with milkshakes (all chuckle) in the wagering department - we send our regrets."
-Marv Albert

That shot would have seen the Spurs cover the -5.5 second half point line.