Roger Clemens Found Not Guilty

The Roger Clemens perjury trial—a trial that was alternately confusing, nostalgic, and soporific, but at all times a giant waste of taxpayer money and government manpower—puttered to a sad and inevitable end today with Clemens being found not guilty on all counts.

Do you realize the Balco scandal started in 2003? Since then, we've had a Mitchell Report that was good for nothing but prurient name-naming, a Congressional hearing because what the fuck does Congress have to do with steroids in baseball, a DOJ investigation into who might've been lying at that stupid hearing, a Barry Bonds trial for some reason that ended in a token conviction that carried zero punishment, a pair of circus-like Clemens trials that resulted in one mistrial and one acquittal, and continued purpose for PEDs' own Captain Ahab.

Good job cleaning up baseball, everyone! It only took nine years and lots of your money.