Dead Letters: "Gggghhgagajaggggj-gggggghghggjgjg"

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: Anderson was the "somebody cute'

From: Charles F. Quinn
To: Tim Burke

Your story on Joe Amendola on Anderson Cooper after the Sandusky verdict
was revealing. Of course he is jolly. He never had a defense and should have pleaded his client
guilty. Sandusky's own adopted son accused him of sexual molestation. What F—-ing defense do you offer to that ?

Asking Anderson Cooper if "somebody cute " was going to interview him was a "tease" on Anderson who is TV's
most prominent homosexual and spends most of his airtime on CNN talking about "FAGGOT ISSUES" such as
"our" right to get married with a flower girl, ring bearer, bridesmaids and a sprinkle of rice as we leave the church.
AND YES—-WE WANT IT IN A CHURCH, TOO !!!

Subject: Gggghhgagajaggggjgggggghghggjgjg

From: Lauren Bosmeny
To: Tim Burke

[no text]

Sent from my iPad

Subject: An Awesome Hug for OKC-Thunder-Kevin Durant

From: Fannie J.
To: Tim Burke

This email comes from a senior 65 years old, Phoenix, Az that has watched every televised game of OKC Thunder, Kevin Durant. My heart goes out to you, Kevin because I feel that you and the OKC Thunder gave it everything you had. Here in Phoenix, AZ: WE LOVE OKC/THUNDER AND KEVIN DURANT, WESTBROOK, THE ENTIRE TEAM & COACH. Praying for you to COME BACK EVEN STRONGER NEXT SEASON!!!!!!!

Subject: Article

From: Leigh Steinberg
To: Jack Dickey

Jack, I waited a while to respond. I bared my soul and shared every ugly reality in hopes of preventing others from replicating my pattern. I spent a career trying to establish charitable and community programs across the country that would improve the quality of life. I worked very hard to counsel athletes and point them on the path of lifetime fulfillment. I attempted to be gracious and helpful with people I came in contact with. I can't rewrite the effect that my alcoholic behavior had on others, but I can certainly can and have made multiple amends. I hope I can exceed your valuation of me and still be of service to the world. 828 days,Leigh

[ed. note: Earlier that morning]

Subject: STEINBERG RELEASE W/ NEW TITLE

From: Joe Rinaldi
To: Jack Dickey

Dear Jack:
Attached please find a news release we're sending your way in hopes you might mention on Deadspin. Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin's Press has acquired the rights to Leigh Steinberg's memoir. We've had some terrific discussions with Leigh already about the book and are thrilled and honored to be publishing his memoir in early Winter 2014.

From the top of the ladder, to a precipitous fall, to making a big rebound, Leigh's memoir will be fascinating reading for all fans. Please let me know if this fits as an announcement for you.

Thanks,

Joe Rinaldi
Director of Publicity
Thomas Dunne Books
Associate director of Publicity
St. Martin's Press

Subject: Guys

From: Josh Davidson
To: The Staff

You killed the best comment section on the Interwebs... this is worse than when you moved to the new "headline" format. Blog view and starred commenters for life!

Subject: A Hopefully Thoughtful Epistle from the Commentless

From: Will H.
To: The Staff

It is with a heavy heart that I report that you successfully ruined Deadspin for me on Monday. No, no, before you stop reading, this does not belong in Dead Letters [ed.: That's our decision!], and it's also not your fault. No, responsibility for this tragedy lies (lays? Maybe rests? I'll go with rests) squarely at the feet of The Man. I speak of the corporate internet filter software with which my corporate masters sitting in their corporation-y chairs have burdened me (and whose corporate e-mail I'm using to write this. Smart? Maybe not.)

You see, I have 60 minutes of quota time per day, to be used in 10 minute blocks, that allow me to view non-work related content in categories such as Sports (Deadspin, KSK, that thing from Bristol, etc.) and General E-mail (gmail). Upon clicking ‘yes' to initiate a 10-minute block, a frantic race begins to open as many tabs and windows as possible, for once they are open during a quota time block, the scourge may not (or has not yet figured out how to) wrest these articles, posts, photo galleries from my desperate hands/computer screen.

Unfortunately, there are categories blocked entirely; some of these make sense, some don't. I probably shouldn't be ogling things in the Adult, Lingerie and Swimsuit, Weapons, Malicious Content, Al Qaeda, or Jay Mariotti categories. However, if someone sends me a Happy Halloween e-card, I can't view it on the grounds that it falls into the Alternative Folklore and the Occult category (seriously). More importantly, Social Networking is entirely blocked. This means Facebook (probably reasonable), but it also means that photo-sharing or storage websites (like Gawker cached images) and many forms of commenting are blocked entirely.

What does that mean for me, you ask (or don't ask, but I'll tell you anyway)? In the old system, my worst problem was needing to quickly open a tab for every DS post that looked interesting, and also quickly click ‘all' for the comments. If I wanted to see pictures or Polk's Jason Whitlock photoshops in the comments, I could save that for non-work Deadspin viewing. It also means that I can't log in to Deadspin, as that routes through a social networking platform, but I think that's in everyone's best interest (I have been published in Funbag, though, which now leads off my CV!).

With the advent of Kinja, however, it's gone. All gone. No error, no blank space, just nothingness. I see the post. I see the Gawker family of websites. And nothingness in between. The goddamn bugs whacked us, Jonny. I will continue to read Deadspin, obviously – the content is first rate, and presents a thoughtful spectrum of the puerile and serious. This is a wonderful place, this Deadspin, but I dare say a little part of me died when a not so little part of Deadspin died on Monday.

Don't cry for me, Deadspin staff and readers. No, I am but collateral damage in the great march of time and progress. An ant crushed beneath the spoked cartwheels propelling the Gawker wagon onward in a crusade against boredom at work and trolling and stuff. It is an odd feeling, indeed, to know that when I initiate my rush of tab-opening several times daily, that what awaits is not the tandem pleasure of good writing and dick jokes, but instead just good writing. It's a nice problem to have, but it doesn't mean I'm not a little bit down.

With warm regards,
I remain,

Commentless.

Subject: Unsolicited input from a small demographic

From: Sam N.
To: The Staff

Dear Deadspin,

I have been a dedicated reader for years. As I became an everyday reader, I realized that the comments were a large attraction for me. Not only did Deadspin provide me with great sports content that I was interested in (I read at least 75% of the articles on an average day), but if I had the time, I would click through the headlines that hadn't caught my attention because I knew there were probably a couple laughs waiting in the comments, regardless of subject matter. So as a long-term lurker (never really sought "approval," just came to read the jokes), here's some feedback regarding the switch to Kinja:

I didn't realize how spoiled I was as an unapproved commenter.... if I had ever said anything funny and been approved, I probably would have regretted it — wading through the (previously) pink comments is not improving my Deadspin experience. It's taking up so much of my reading time I'm only getting to a small percentage of the total posts (scrolling through the old threads was MUCH faster — there's promise with the mouseover though, if it were possible to see the whole comment, I could decide whether or not to click). I understand that many (most? everyone except me?) do not go into an article thinking they will be reading every comment, but with Kinja I have found that reading the entire comment section is no longer worth it, which is something I never thought I'd say about a Deadspin article.

The only other problem I've had is getting used to the branches. Multiple replies to a "conversation starter" (if you will) are organized quite nicely until there are multiple replies to one of those replies, and each of them goes off into a conversation — then I have more difficulty following the conversation(s) than I did writing this sentence.

I just thought I'd let you know how a non-commenting-but-still-regular Deadspinner was receiving the changes. Thanks for all the laughs,

-Sam

TL;DR
I have some amount of time to read Deadspin every day. The percentage of that time spent laughing is necessarily decreased by having to click through numerous "pages" to find funny comments. I can't imagine that was a primary goal when Kinja was implemented....

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