Ann Curry Was Never Going To Carry The Ball Over The Finish Line On The Today Show

So thanks to the Internet I'm looking at the L.A. Times and their "Company Town" thing, all about the Business of Show, because like the Tribune paper in Baltimore, my town, in the IN THE NEWS or HOT TOPICS bar, if you will, across the top of the Web page I saw ANN CURRY, and my first reaction was Anger because unless she chewed somebody's face off, no offense, this lady ain't News, you know?

But it's the Internet, where it's all Internet, right? What is News? Internet! So I skipped ANN CURRY on the baltimoresun.com site but when I saw it again on latimes.com, I took the hook.

"I'm sorry I couldn't carry the ball over the finish line," NBC "Today" co-anchor Ann Curry said during her tearful farewell speech on Thursday morning's show.

Har! Ball over the finish line. There is the entire Ann Curry story in one quotable. She couldn't make a point or whatever. Oy. I am not harshing on Ann Curry because she doesn't have her sportspeak down correctly. But serious extemperaneousness was not her skill set. Ann Curry is good at talking to a camera and reading a TelePromTer, and she will find Gainful Employment to keep her in whatever money-bracket she's been in. I do not weep for Curry.

But I watched the TODAY show forever and never watched Good Morning America or The Early Show, which is what they used to call the CBS This Morning show. Since CBS has The Late Show and The Late Late Show, I like the title The Early Show, better than CBS This Morning, but I guess they were committed to the rebootery.

I watched the TODAY show when Ann Curry was just there to read the news and make a little happy talk. Then she kicked it to bozo Willard Scott or bozo Al Roker for the weather, and then there was the local cut-in "here's what's happening in your neck of the woods" and I got my Baltimore area traffic and weather together, and then back to the weather clown and then he kicked it to Matt Lauer, who is a guy who always looks like he knows he is a Lucky Man. Then they'd do some actual News Interview item for a coupla minutes and maybe I didn't Learn Something, but I became Aware of something, you know? Then I could go find out about it.

Meredith Viera was the lady to Lauer's gent, and they had a good time goofing on shit a little without it being a pigpile of shiny happy. She was a Host, relaxed and intelligent, with a bit of a wink for me, the groggy viewer, when she was kicking it to maybe Lauer and a starlet in a taped segment. I felt welcome.

When she left and Ann Curry moved up to be Host, it became difficult. Difficult to watch TV. Ann Curry just did not have the wit to pull a tiny bit more out of an interview or to seem like she wasn't asking a question written on a card in her Concerned-Voice Ann or to make that transition from some piece of horror-news (Sad-Voice Ann) to Happy-Voice-Ann throwing it outside to Roker for the patented TODAY show moment with the Rabble.

So I hit the wall with the fucking TODAY show, man, unless you are there for the first hour when it's more news, it's a fucking Morning Zoo with a bunch of jackasses talking over each other during the 10 cooking segments they do where nobody ever has enough time BECAUSE EVERYONE IS TALKING ALL SAME TIME, enough. And Ann Curry was not making anything better.

What's weird is that she is a goofball, that is her true nature, but she got pushed into the wrong slot. They coulda just left her outside all day setting up the interview with the Olympic hopefuls or the goddamned cooking segment and I bet the show woulda been tolerable (and I have a high tolerance for television) if they could have put somebody inside to do the Serious shit. The only way Ann Curry could do the Serious was off the PromTer, man.

Then they rolled out the CBS This Morning and I never went back, man, from Episode One, it has intelligent topics and no outdoor clowning. Charlie Rose asks questions at the groovy CBS transparent plastic table and he lets people answer and stuff! I could do with less Gayle King, and they know that, because they kick her out for the first hour. I wouldn't mind Gayle King if she would just not try to put her attempted Catchphrase, "I Like That!™" into everything, and if she would stop with the phoney-baloney holding of the pen and gesturing to make points. Reminds me of Bob Dole, no offense.

But anyway, this fucking L.A. Times article, all talking about Ann Curry like this:

The decision to promote Curry to cohost from news anchor on "Today" was seen as a risk at the time. While no one questioned her reporting chops and hard-news background, there were always concerns about her chemistry with Lauer and whether she had the right touch for the softer stories, celebrity gossip and tabloid fare that has become a staple of morning television.

Are you kidding me? Don't you watch the Internets? The word on Ann Curry is that she is a dum-dum. Personally I don't think she's a dope, but I do think she is a sweet goofball. She was not built for speaking off-script with Real News guests. Nobody who watches the fucking TODAY show would say they saw Ann Curry as someone with "reporting chops" (chops?!?) and her "hard-news background" was reading the fucking news off the TelePromTer for like 15 fucking years!

You can't be a dodo to be able to read that well, but you can also be somebody who's not that nimble, you know? And she was with Stone Phillips, doing Dateline NBC or whatever where she was, presenting segments and reading the lines, you know? News chops.

And then the L.A. Times says there were concerns about softer stories and celebrity crap? She was all about the soft stuff! I know my Ann Curry! I watched her on the teevee for 20 fucking years! If they had her in Darfur or whatever, again, no offense, but she's reading shit into the camera. How can a fucking newspaper not know who is a "reporting chops" reporter as opposed to a good-at-reading-the-TelePromTer presenter?

I feel kinda bad for Ann Curry, but the point is when they made her announce her own execution from the TODAY show, I wasn't watching.

Photo via AP.