Scott Hairston owns the Phillies. Just plain steals their lunch and eats it in front of them, then poops in the bag and gives it back. He's a journeyman against everyone else, an All-Star against Philly.

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Back on July 4, Hairston went deep yet again off of Cole Hamels Cliff Lee. After the inning, play-by-play announcer Scott Franzke let loose when he thought they had gone to commercial:

"Somebody figure out how to fucking get Scott Hairston out! He stinks! Jesus Christ!"

The first half of the Phillies' 2012, summed up right there.

[The Outside Corner, via Awful Announcing]