Some people are fans of the Carolina Panthers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Carolina Panthers. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.
1. Congratulations to Ryan Kalil for jinxing the shit out of his own team. There are few more tiresome storylines in sports than "X athlete guarantees a victory," because every athlete thinks they're going to win every game, and that's the way athletes SHOULD think. It's not controversial to declare your certainty of success. It means you're just as blindly arrogant as the douche in the other locker room. HOWEVAH, there's a marked difference between expressing that kind of thing off the cuff and taking out a full page ad telling people seven months in advance that you're gonna win a championship. Real easy for you to say, Ryan Kalil. Cam Newton is the one doing all the fucking work. He's the quarterback, the running back, the blocking back, AND Peter King says he leads the league in entertainer/iconoship 101. Now everyone's gonna look to him to back up your stupid fucking ad. NO ONE EVEN READS NEWSPAPERS ANYMORE. Let's take a closer look at this ad: