The sports section of today's New York Times busied itself with yet another important journalism project on the topic of Tim Tebow's virginity. Tebow himself, however, was "unavailable for comment," so Times writer Bob Tedeschi did the next most logical thing: He tracked down a handful of young NYC virgins to comment on what it's like to be a virgin in the Big Apple. Four of the city's finest virgins weighed in on the hardships that Tebow might face when slammed with the rampant debauchery that characterizes life in New York City.
One warns that some non-virgins in New York City (of which there are many, remember) may try to make Tim feel bad about his purity decision:
"When my friends found out I was planning on waiting until I was married, I got laughed at quite a bit," said Miki Reaume, a Christian and former Rockette at Radio City Music Hall who lived in New York for nine years before marrying in 2010.
Another thinks Tebow might encounter some difficulty because of New York's wretched reputation for being made of porn:
The Rev. Michael Keller, who grew up in Manhattan and who leads the Reformed University Fellowship City Campus ministry at Redeemer, said New York's commodified approach to sex makes life more difficult for the abstinent. "If everyone else is using sex as something to consume, you will too," he said.
A former virgin, however, thinks Tebow might have a statistical advantage due to the football player's current virgin status:
"If you make it to New York and you're a virgin, you've still got a high percentage chance of maintaining the V-card," said Conor Dwyer, 29, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who married in June after meeting his future wife in Manhattan.
And, come to think of it, it's probably easier not to think about sex when you don't have time to think about sex anyway.
Laurel said that in some ways, it was easier to remain abstinent in New York City than in the suburbs. "There's more to distract you," she said. "I don't sit at home thinking about what I don't have. I have a full life."
So there you go. Tim Tebow will totally be able to maintain his virginity, say experts. Good thing the Times cleared that up.