This week's dong roundup is dedicated to Colin, because he sent us the crescent roll dong and, indeed, proved that he sent us the crescent roll dong through a series of trials so grueling and intricate they bordered on perverse. Also, a person named Isaac claimed the ice tray dong, which I should have remembered, and it was indeed an ice tray, despite questions swirling around that. All the loose ends are tied up! Isaacs—is there anything (dong-related) they can't do? Hurricane Isaac even looks, as with all storms if you squint, sort of a like a dong. Plus, if you look closely enough at that map of Florida, you can yet see another unintentional dong, at the GOP convention, running for president. Stay safe, Gulf Coasters.
Anyway, let's get into some dongs. That first one up there is from Bob, who says he found the Chik-Fil-A dong on a Bengals message board. Beats talking about the Bengals, I guess! As always, please send any and all accidentally phallic objects to the tips department. Before we start, I just wanted to bring your attention to these guys. And this. Okay, let's go.
You mean the cigar, right?
h/t Rusty Kuntz, naturally.
From Chris. This is apparently a school crest, which is too bad, because now all dongs drawn or graffiti'd on the school crest will be redundant. They beat you to the punch, kids. Maybe there's a gym or a library you can deface? Be creative.
I was looking at this statue of a pelican Steve sent in and thinking, you know, "Sure, that sort of looks like a dong—but only from this one exact angle." Steve apparently anticipated that objection, because he sent in another angle (next slide), about ten minutes later.
And lo, now it looks like a dong in a completely different way. The penrose triangle of unintentional dongs, sort of, not really. Bravo!
Abracadaniel, the eponymous character from the TV show Abracadaniel. The first autofill option on Google for Abracadaniel is "looks like." Gotta assume it's only Google's modesty that keeps the search box from filling "a wang."
What are these things? Why do they exist? Rory sent in the one on the right, from a Japanese arcade (that's an arcade in Japan, not a style of arcade), while someone named Jason Street sent in the other, from Illinois. Do you, like, punch them, and they bounce back? Or are they just supposed to make people think of dongs? And why do arcades in Japan and Illinois have the same flooring under their weird inflatable dongs? Life is full of mysteries.
Mostly included this standard doppler dong because, as Clint informs us, the NBC affiliate in Dayton actually pulled this from their website after about five minutes! Geez, guys, relax. The weather always looks like that.
Cropped, you'll be happy to know, to protect the identity of the toddler drawing this unintentional hopscotch dong. Nice one, Marko! You girlfriend's niece was very nearly featured in a roundup of things that look like dicks. In fairness, that hopscotch board does look like a dick.
The underrated typo dong, courtesy of Eric.
Ha! That also looks like Alfred Hitchcock. Thank you to Daniel, although he also promised that there would be more where that came from, and here we are, like a month later, with only the lone dispatch from Daniel. Thanks a lot, asshole!
This is from James and the Vancouver International Airport. I can't think of a single reason they needed to add that to the totem pole!
From Sam, who reports, "I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this tree dong as I was sitting in a hot tub in Costa Rica near the Arenal Volcano. Told my wife I was going to take a picture of it and submit it to Deadspin as she looked on, unimpressed with my Sophomoric sense of humor. Wife said it would never get posted...let me know if it makes the cut."
It made the cut! Congratulations, Sam—now you get the dog in the divorce, no? I think that's how this works.
What, the Sharpie? I don't get this one.
Thanks, Travis, and everyone else, for the all the submissions, and for reading. Until next time—Mentula erratum.