The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

"Butthurt" is an awful word. Its origins are almost certainly tied to the "Bros icing bros" movement of aught-ten, as in, "Aw bro! You're just BUTTHURT because I iced you while Tina was givin' you a Jeff Smoker, bro!" We at Deadspin generally go out of our way to avoid using it, because it's a short walk from being BUTTHURT to CRUSHING Twisted Teas and SMASHING vaginas.

But it is a word that has a precise definition, a unique blend of bitterness and blatant insecurity. If you're butthurt, it means that you're like, jealous, and that your butt is hurting 'cuz you take it up the ass, bro! Or something like that. So we're going to pay it backward in our wrap-up of response to the 2012 Why Your Team Sucks NFL previews. There was a lot of projected butthurt in there.

As I've said before, I have a love-hate relationship with all 32 NFL teams, including my own. The purpose of these previews was to focus on the HATE part of that relationship, because hating things is fun!

But not everyone thought it was so fun. Like Falcons fan Rodney! He was very much butthurt:

Just read your article. I printed it and wiped my ass with it. You should get it in the mail shortly. Get a real job fucker!

I got a lot of emails and tweets like this over the past month, and so Craggs asked me to sort through the hatred and hand out a special group of awards for the most butthurt of all fanbases. And, as an added bonus, Craggs and Dickey did a full breakdown and word cloud of the hate mail from each fanbase that wrote in (some, like Denver, did not). Because we'd like to think of WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS as less of a trolling exercise than a grand, wonderful modern art installation, one that challenges the viewer to take a stand and tell us to go fuck ourselves.

Usually, it's annoying when columnists print out hate mail, because it's basically asking people to rally to your defense. But we have to make an exception here because the hate was just so, so good. EXQUISITE. So let's hand out some hardware, shall we? Now, I tried to go through as many hate mails and tweets as possible to get an accurate data set. HOWEVER, this will obviously not be a 100 percent accurate study. We got more emails as the series went on, so teams that were previewed early may be poorly represented. Except for Raiders fans. They were quite eager to threaten me with bodily harm. We're gonna hand out the awards first, and then give you the breakdowns and full hate mail from each team below. Click on the word clouds down there to enlarge them. Let's begin.

Most Butthurt Fans: SAINTS
It may shock you to learn that Saints fans sent in nearly twice as much hate mail as any other fanbase. The Packers and Steelers fans came in a distant second, with the Ravens in fourth place.

Most Likely Threaten Us With Physical Violence: RAIDERS
I also received threats from fans of the Bengals, Saints, Colts, Steelers, Bills, Pats, and Redskins. But no one threatens to fuck you up like Raiders fans. Like reader Spencer:

your a fucking dumb ass if you think the raiders fans aren't the most intense mean intimidating fans in the league if you dont believe me i dare you to walk your stupid ass into the black hole and make the statement about raider nation that you just did. i promise you you'd be put in the hospital for the disrespect you showed at our home we dont need to have the nicest most up to date stadium you i and the rest of the football world know if you come in to our sanctuary and show that kind of disrespect you'll get fucked up. So in closing dont talk about shit you dont know about and please please please try to come to a raiders game and talk shit like you just did so you can see what the raider nation is all about. Now go fuck yourself

Most Annoyingly Proud Fans: STEELERS, PACKERS
God, they're so annoying. I even got one email from a Steelers fan signed, "A City of Tradition."

Worst Comments: PATRIOTS
When I said that all Pats fans became Pats fans in 2001, they rushed en masse to the comment section to make sure everyone knew that they jumped onto the bandwagon in 1993. You got that? It was only before then that they didn't give a flying shit. GET YOUR-AH FACKIN' FACTS STRAIGHT, FAGGOT! Virtually every comment in the Pats preview reads like a 5,000-word Seth Mnookin post, like this one.

Most Shockingly Defensive Fans: CARDINALS
Honorable mention to Jags fans. Yes, they exist! They even LIKE Blaine Gabbert!

Most Self-Loathing Fanbase: BROWNS
We received no hateful emails or tweets from any Browns fans. Browns fans were also among the fanbases that sent in the largest number of emails explaining why their team sucks. Those fanbases were:

• Cleveland
• New York Jets
• Philadelphia
• Washington
• Buffalo
• Minnesota

We also received no protestations from Rams fans. I mean, you know. They're the Rams. They really do suck.

Worst Individual Email: PATRIOTS

This one from John takes the cake:

dude you are a correspondent for GQ. Your sports acumen is pathetic. You don't really know that much about sports. You are just good at being a smug asshole in your articles... you do have a little writing talent..... but you are not very intelligent overall. 90 percent of what you wrote in that patriots article is uninformed and outright false. Yeah we have a lot of new/phony pats and sox fans due all the recent championships. That's what happens when you win a lot.... see yankee fans and all the celebrity fucks who used to show up for world series games in the late 90s early 2000s. I was born in '78 and spent a lot of miserable sunday afternoons with my father watching Pats games as he shouted at the TV. I used to own Irving Fryer and Tony Eason mesh. I went through high-school and college hating the yankees more than i've ever hated anything in my life. Championships have taken some of the edge off.

I don't read much of anything on deadspin. Just read your article because a jealous Giants fan sent it to me. Yes, despite beating the patriots in 2 superbowls, he still feels inferior to the patriots because he knows the patriots will continue to be dominant for the next 5 to 10 years. Even as a new york sports fan he feels inferior to Boston sports fans because in the past decade Boston has become TITLE TOWN.

Go report some inane bullshit to GQ pussy. If you made any of those claims to my face, that you make in that article, I would fucking curb you.

Regarding the toughness of New England. Most U.S. born NHL players are from New England. Doesn't get much tougher than that. Again, I can not stress enough, it is apparent from your writing that your are a keyboard tough guy. Away from the computer your are a pussy.

Please note the majority of U.S.-born NHL players are actually from Minnesota.

Angriest Response From A Team Punter: VIKINGS
Damn you, Kluwe.

And now, here are the full team-by-team breakdowns as assembled by Craggs and Dickey:

Bears

Total: 3
Word count: 183
Average message length: 61 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 7.5

you are an idiot and, i would bet my nut sack, the biggest pussy in the world! GO BEARS!

***

You write like an angry middle-schooler on a messageboard rant. I realize you're trying to be funny but it's just absolutely juvenile. "Cutlerfucker"? It's not even clever. "Quitler" or something stupid like that would be at least somewhat clever. You just sound like a child trying to 'cuss' to give yourself an edgy article.

I find it ironic that you're commenting on everyone's abilities while doing so from an article written like a buffoon, 'name-calling' people while you being the only one laughing at these stupid jokes. It's so God-awful that it makes want to go out and read a Chris Chase "article" and we all know he's absolutely an abysmal "writer".

Congrats and being the most unprofessional and shitty writer in sports... I'm shocked Deadspin would publish you, let alone pay you... unless you're somehow related to someone there.

***

You really showed your class in the article about The Chicago Bears. Your comment about The Bears' Packers rivalry proves you know nothing about football or ratings. And yes, anyone who uses profane language in any kind of "blog" has no class. I guess younger people don't read your articles. I guess Bear fans should not have idols like Mike Ditka, Dick Butkus, Walter Payton, Brian Urlacher, or Devin Hester; and I guess Ernie Banks, Greg Maddox, Billy Williams, Ryne Sandberg, and Ron Santo should not be in The Hall of Fame. Maybe you can lobby against Cooperstown to get those people out?

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Bengals

Total: 5
Word count: 505
Average message length: 101 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 2

Who's your squad D-bag?

***

Drew,

After reading your 2012 Bengals preview I would like to offer two observations:

1. I cannot disagree with your critical assessment of Mike Brown's football acumen. He is a notoriously cheap bastard and has done his level best to not field a winning team. Ever. The fact they made the playoffs last year was either a Festivus miracle or solely due to the cupcake schedule they played (the only team they beat that had over a .500 record was the Titans). I also fear that some disaster awaits this year, especially when you look at their difficult schedule. However, just because he is a ruthless vulture capitalist who took the city and county for the proverbial "ride" doesn't mean that you have the right to personally attack him as a person; I would have been satisfied with calling for him to hire a real-life General Manager. The fact that he continually offers second (and third, and fourth) chances to guys who have had legal problems, with the hope he can help them turn their lives around - rather turn them out into the streets to continue fucking up their lives - reveals a deeper humanitarian impulse that often gets dismissed as simply MB trying to get first-class talent on the cheap. In that sense I do believe that Mike Brown has a big heart and is a good person.

2. I find it ironic that you assault the people of Cincinnati as racist, yet in a subsequent paragraph you make fun of Pacman Jones by mocking him in a blatantly racist way. There is no excuse for those fuck-heads you went to camp with, but there is no higher form of hypocrisy than to commit the same crime you accuse them of. From the sound of it you were probably all best friends by the end of camp and likely still keep in contact every four years when you try to drum-up support for your "David Duke for President" grassroots campaign.

Wishing you a lifetime of genital herpes and shingles

Kurtis

PS - I hope that the next time you are watching kiddie porn you spooge all over your computer keyboard, fry the circuitry, and are never able to use it to produce such a poorly-written piece of shit ever again. However, if you are able to contain your demon-seed and thus save your computer, next time it might be helpful to offer some insightful analysis that shows at least some level of analytical skill and sports knowledge, rather than trying to be a wit (a task you left half-finished).

**

Drew, I appreciate ur brutal honesty and its what alot of people need to hear here in Cincinnati but while most is true in ur article I'm offended being a bengals fan. Show a little class when talking about the dead like Chris Henry for fucks sake, he was a talented wr. Maybe u could come coach for a year and show us how its done since u are a perfect human. Players on all teams make mistakes and have character flaws as do me and you and I personally find inspiration from NFL players that turn or try to turn their life around as I did, and do. Really as I write this I realized I'm just wasting my time and people that make $ in the media, or in general by tearing others down for the most part that I've met r sad cases of lames that usually nobody likes that have trouble getting laid. U give me gratitude that I don't make a living like u, id rather have a backbone and do real work and stand by what I love than but be a journalist who makes a living pointing out flaws of NFL players who make way more $ than u.

***

Good Afternoon Drew,

As a born and raised Cincinnatian now living in Chicago, I felt I needed to email you in response to the above article. I must admit, I laughed my ass off on numerous occasions, even getting a few stares from co-workers wondering what kind of drug I was on today. However, one part pissed me the fuck off.

"And you Cincy folk deserve him. I went to camp with kids from Cincinnati and they were racist as shit. When it comes to Cleveland versus Cincinnati, America sides with poor Cleveland every time."

Really Drew, really? Because you went to some shitty camp with a few assholes from Cincinnati, our city "deserves" the piece of shit that is Mike Brown? I'll admit, the city has its share of racists cum-stains, but give me a break. Most of the city's inhabitants are good people who "deserve" a owner that is actually looking out for the city and its citizens.

Let it be clear, no one deserves Mike Brown. Not Cincinnati, not Mobile, Alabama, and not New York City. As you said, the man not only drops deuces on the grass of PBR every Sunday, he sucks the county dry of funds that could be used to actually improve the region. The amount of shit Cincinnatians put up with on a yearly basis and to have you justify it because were all "racist as shit" is a god damn atrocity.

Regards,
Alex Thinnes

**

ur such a fuckin douche. U went to "camp" with kids from cincy and they were racist as hell. U need curb stomped yourself

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Bills

Total: 2
Word count: 53
Average message length: 26.5 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 1
Threats of violence: 1
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 7.6

That comment about Kevin Everett will be posted at all Military Medical Facilities where Kevin has been a huge inspiration to crippled soldiers. Have a beer with me some night so I can split your head with the mug.

Out of line man, out of line. You have to fix this before you have a shit ton of soldiers breathing down your neck

SPC Tillery

Sent from my iPhone

***

Your dumb. What a bitter fucking mor you are not even good enough to be a mor-on !! MOR fuck you and go Bills

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Bucs

Total: 2
Word count: 45
Average message length: 23 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 6.7
http://textalyser.net/index.php?lang=en#analysis

Your article on the #Buccaneers sucks. You sound like an uninformed jackass. You have no vision and no hope as a sports writer.

***

by the way when the buccs make the playoffs you will be eating some crow schiano has respect from bellicheck that's all I need

This is WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS. Tohttp://t.co/t7ZUtehYthis douchebag from deadspin was smokin some crack when he wrote this

this is why you ate clueless wannabe Jim rome

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Cardinals

Total: 3
Word count: 158
Average message length: 53 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 1
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 4.2

— YOUR AN IDIOT.

David Gregory
Alma Imports Wholesale Auto Parts

***

Drew:
I just read one of the worst articles ever. Would you like to guess who wrote this piece if literature crap? No clue yet? Look in the mirror. You tore up the Arizona Cardinals along with the state of Arizona. Why? Who knows and who cares. The only reason I'm even taking a moment to contact you is to tell you about getting facts straight. If you don't do this, then your entire piece is for nothing. The only evidence I need of this is your "hot oven of a bus station" comment. I'm glad you know that Phoenix is hot. Seriously. I'm proud of you. But, wait. There's more. Look up northern Arizona weather. Hot oven? Ya. Ok. I'm not sure who pissed in your Cheerios. But, the next time you want to shit on a state/team, do some research. Enjoy your day, bitch face

Arizona Resident
Christian

Sent from my iPhone

***

You have no idea what you are talking about! Arizona is only hot 3 months out of the year... Its called summer. We have 9 months of great weather. Where are you from and what team do you support? Have you been to az in the winter, guess not. I dont see that you mention anything about the defense..... Cause they are fucken good. Do you know who ryan williams is? Probably not! You are a horrible writer with no background in what you are writing about!

-nick
Sent from my iPhone

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Chiefs

Total: 1
Word count: 22
Average message length: 22 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 9.1

Why r u so jealous of our chiefs? U should go the rams chiefs game in august chiefsfans dominate there and wait til u see our boys kill gayton manning on the donkeys were from Month we will show u.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Colts

Total: 2
Word count: 102
Average message length: 51 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 1
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 10

It is one thing to criticize a team like the Colts, but to use such fowl language and rip individuals with your gross misconceptions is sad. I hope you don't call yourself a journalist. The internet does not give you the right to talk trash and tear down people just because you don't like them. Having been a Colt season ticket holder since they arrived in Indy in 84, I can assure you our franchise is rock solid. Obviously, you have anger management issues that need to be addressed. Seek help and along the way go back to school and learn how to write.

S Magee

***

After reading some of your "why your team sucks articles" I will have to say I got a chuckle out of them but after reading your why the colts suck I have to say. You might want to change it to "I am full of bile hate and anger" I am no colts fan but you are WAY OUT of line and I hope a pissed of fan pays you a visit.

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Dolphins

Total: 2
Word count: 21
Average message length: 10.5 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 5.6
http://textalyser.net/index.php?lang=en#analysis

your writing sucks. at least the Dolphins will get better

***

Drew,

After reading your article on why the Dolphins suck. I have come to conclusion you must be a Jet fan, right ?

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Eagles

Total: 1
Word count: 18
Average message length: 18 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 4.4

@drewmagary Drew are you serious? Are you fucking kidding me? Youre going to rip a guy who just lost his son? Too soon bro, have some class.

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Falcons

Total: 1
Word count: 16
Average message length: 16 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 2.6

Just read your article. I printed it and wiped my ass with it.
You should get it in the mail shortly.
Get a real job fucker!

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Jaguars

Total: 2
Word count: 259
Average message length: 130 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 7.3

Normally I laugh it off when some nobody writer (Insert Drew Magary here) writes laughable stuff about the Jags, but your piece was so atrocious that I just had to take a few minutes out of my day to send you this love note. Your lazy attempt at journalism and humor is laughable in and of itself. One of the great running jokes of this preseason is just how awful Blaine Gabbert has looked in training camp? If you actually followed the team instead of being the lazy and incompetent writer that you apparently are, you would know that Gabbert has been the most improved player on the offense.

You would also know that the Jags defense will be one of the best in the league again this year. If you didn't know... and I'm sure you don't because you rehash lame Jags jokes like the rest of the lazy media, you would know that the Jags D ranked 6th overall last year and that was with several starters on IR. This year they will be even better. So when a 2nd year quarterback completes one pass in 12 plays against one of the top rated defenses in the NFL, it might just be because the defense is pretty fucking good. Were you even aware that those weren't even all passes, they were just the number of plays? So he didn't go 1-12 you dumb fuck. 7 of those plays were runs.

I could sit here and rip apart the rest of your article, but quite frankly I feel dumber for even reading it and even dumber for sending you this fucking email.

***

Drew: Dude...come on. Maybe its because i live in Jacksonville that i actually quibble with your appraisal, as where, say, the KC one was, in my mind, brilliant. But so much of what you wrote was wrong:

1. Gabbert didnt go 1 for 12— he went 1 for 5, and tucked it and ran on the other 7, all for positive, decent yardage, i believe. and, no one is coming to practices because they're at 9:00 AM, most of us have to work.

2. NO ONE thinks the Jags are moving to LA. No one. Not only are we NOT a dwindling fan base (believe season ticket sales have been on uptick for the past 2, if not 3, seasons, but it would be enormously financially prohibitive under the contract Khan signed to move to LA. I mean, i barely give a shit about the NFL and even i know that San Diego or St. Louis is much, much more likely to go to LA. Hell, the Bucs have way worse fan support than we do.

3. Lee Evans is not going to be the 3rd receiver. He's 4th receiver, if that.

4. Everyone here is fired up about Mularkey. We all like the pick, but maybe thats because Del Rio was such a suck-ass douche.

I mean, look, i am not trying to get all homer fan-boy on you, but, fuck, do a least a little bit of research man, you could have found plenty of legitimate criticism instead of this BS.

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Lions

Total: 5
Word count: 351
Average message length: 70.2 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 1
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 7.1

Drew,

You are unoriginal and not funny.

Matt

***

You're a small dick faggot

***

Lowell Ahee ‏@LowellAhee
@drewmagary you're Detroit article is an utterly awful piece of "writing". Its a terribly un-informed horrendous "effot" You Fuckn SUCK

***

Mr. Magary,
I just read your deadspin review of why the Detroit Lions will suck in 2012 and I have to say I was taken back by it. I am relatively new to deadspin and I am assuming that these previews (?) are meant to be irritating and mean spirited but I found yours to be lazy. Rather than taking any real shots at the Detroit Lions you spent most of the article making fun of the poor, ignorant and racist residents of the Murder Mitten. While what you said may be true, we are all poor, ignorant, racists living in the shadow of a once great state (which won WWII, built the American economy of the 20th century and is the proud home of Kid Rock, Jeff Daniels and Jason Babin) none of that pertains to the Detroit Football Lions. You wrote two paragraphs of actual insight into a team which spent most of its off season battling various criminal charges. Two paragraphs? That's your football insight. I'm not insulted as a Michigander with your article, I am insulted as a football fan. The Lions have given us all a lot to complain about this off season and you can only find two paragraphs worth of insight. Go less for the shock value of insulting the natives and give us more team insight. If you can't do this maybe you should find another forum to insult Michigan and other states.

Yours from Ypsilanti MI,
Nick Gamber

***

.."an ass hair away from 5-11"...The Giants were an ass hair away from missing the playoffs I suppose they sucked last year too?@drewmagary

......the Bulls sucked too with no Jordan/Pippen, or Colts without Peyton, Pats without Brady, etc. @drewmagary

Your points make no sense. The Lions suck because without Calvin or Stafford they would suck? No shit Sherlock @drewmagary .....

Your mother should have swallowed you @drewmagary. #GoLions

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Packers

Total: 7
Word count: 688
Average message length: 98 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 2
Threats of violence: 1
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 6.1

Drew, it sounds like you have a jealousy issue with The Green Bay Packers! They are America's Team. I am from Green Bay and I can tell you that hands down the Packer fans are the greatest. They are not like a lot of other team's redneck fans, including the Vikings fans.

Stop your whining and find something worthwhile to write about!

Paul

***

Drew: (is that a name or a verb? Either way it's fucked up!): I know your article is meant to be funny, but I can also tell that you are of limited capacity (you write for deadspin for god's sake). No real jobs were available? The New York Times wasn't knocking on your door? Holy shit! What a talent overlooked.

The pigtailed, helmeted (for their own protection) mouth breathers from which you came will probably get a couple of giggles about your silly little rant, but somewhere, you must understand that the chronically stupid (i.e. those rooting for the purple scumbags and those working for deadspin) really have nothing to say. Even some of the sausage slingers here in Chicago might like your nonsense.

There is really nothing of merit in your article to dispute. Just as your life will never be of any merit. However, when you declare Packer fans as being "Fat and Slovenly," I must disagree. I may be a little fat, but by no means slovenly. Second, "unjustifiably arrogant?" Whether you like it or not, the Packers are the Yankees of the NFL. Thirteen World championships, 4 Lombardi's and the greatest stadium and fan base in the NFL. Not to mention, not owned by some filthy rich scumbag. Owned by the people.

On a somewhat separate note, one really fun moment I had at Lambeau was a couple of years ago when a Viking fan, as usual, with soiled pants (maybe you?) was unjustifiably ranting about a momentary and fleeting lead in the game, decided to call get in my face. Clearly, as a Viking fan, he needed to seize that moment of non-victory. I was polite as he was my guest. After his drooling somewhat diminished, I thanked him for his attendance and advised that I would be attending a late-season game between the Vikes (holy shit is it hard to not use the word Queens) and the Pack in MN. As a polite host I gave him some information and asked some simple advice: "When I go to the Hubert H. Humphrey Dome, where do I get to see the Lombardi Trophies?"

He seemed a little confused.

Can you please clear this up. Looking forward to seeing them when I visit next.

That all being said, thanks for your work on the Favre matter.

Thanks, Donn.

http://deadspin.com/5936676/why-your-team-sucks-2012-green-bay-packers?tag=Why-Your-Team-Sucks-2012

***

Mr. Magary:

It is an amazing thing to see such loathing for the Packers. A new point of view is alwaysappreciated. I teach for a living and have found many of the students I work with in Iowa are not fans, either. See I actually DID leave Green Bay. I tell the the kids that it is great knowing there are other team fans as we need one another or the season would be long and boring. Your approach is completely undesirable; however I suppose that blogs work better if you sell-out and lace them with profanity (trust me: I love the "F" word, I just not to get people to read what it is I think is important).

We (as Packer fans) are a good lot. It's really in the best interest of all. I had a friend who was a Dallas fan who said he's never felt the incredible hospitality at any NFL stadium as when he saw the Packers play his team. Our fans even bought him a beer. It's really rather interesting. The best part is that your "F-word" laden blog seems so, well... CHEESY (that pun was intended). I won't resort to calling you the things others have because it doesn't matter to me. You've made me realize that so many people are unhappy for unknown reasons

We, like most teams, have fans everywhere. I love the fact that we are not only a good team, but like the Bears, a LASTING team. MANY people appreciate the kindness that comes from being a community-owned franchise. The greatest part is that your opinion is okay and acceptable, but it truly doesn't matter.

Good luck,

Kevin Black

***
I love the part: "When you celebrate the Packers, you're celebrating a group of people who never had the intellect or courage to leave Green Bay and actually go DO something with their lives."

Yeah everyone that lives in Green Bay or the state who are Packer fans are lazy, cowards who have never amounted to anything....we sure cannot relate to a D-bag writer who thinks the most moronic rant up then actually goes to a computer and decides to PHYSICALLY type it up and let the public read it. Honestly did a retard get a hold of your computer and do that?

Thanks,

My middle finger

Oh and SKOAL (???) Vikings? ...not sure what that's about yet

***
dear vkings asshole

Your article on the green bay packers is a horrible joke. obvisily, you have never gone to a packers game or watched one on tv otherwise you would know that everything you say about them is a completely lie.

First the defense is actually good. Its just that they are on the field so much because the offense is so good and scores so quickly. This messes up the defensive stats. But your too ignorant to realize this. Second, no one hear cares about running the football. Third, i dare you to come up to green bay and root for an aaron rodgers injury. I'd love to see you say those things in lambeau. And in today' nfl, concussions are serious and you shouldnt be encouraging other players to hit our qb.

Packers fans are the greatest in the nfl. You can make all the fat jokes and hunting jokes you want. No one cares. In november, i leave the tree stand for three things\ thanksgiving, field dressing a buck and the green bay packers. I am proud of who we are. if we wanted to all be dickless, hippy writers who like shitty football we move to st paul.

Your article is so fucking terrible it could only be writing by a vikings fan. You should jump off one of those bridges that keep collapsing up there.

signed,
a true packers fan
Wil

ps go pack!

***

its junk. I dont care if its the theme your going for. Those shots at Wisconsinites are not okay. Put your pen down . I would .

You have quite the mouth.You're not the 1st to use shock value in Journalism. GB article is a low blow on people in Green Bay.

***

Drew -

You really need to take some time off and read Ephesians.

It just might change the way you write, which is, pathetic and angry.

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Patriots

Total: 6
Word count: 332
Average message length: 55.3 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 3
Threats of violence: 1
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 6.1

@chris_m_c @Deadspin what a shit article. @DrewMagary can die in a fire. Wah we all hate the Pats. They suck. Defending AFC champions u cunt

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@drewmagary "I went to prep school in NH so I know New England"? Really? I had a layover at La Guardia once am I an expert on NY sports now?

@drewmagary great article!! And by great I mean typical of a fat lazy blogger whose publication is best known for favre dickshots #hack

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@drewmagary By the way.Who the FUCK R U ? I never heard of you . Move out of your hosebag of a mothers cellar

@drewmagary Drew, obviously your a pussy who roots for losers. GET A LIFE!!!!

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your a fucking idiot

Daniel Singleton
Structural Draftsman
Electric Boat division
D459

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My only issue with your article is this line:

Before 2001, Boston sports fans HATED the Patriots. It's not that they ignored the Patriots; it's that they absolutely loathed them

You see, there were these two guys named Drew Bledsoe and Bill Parcells who came to town in 1993. The Patriots were pretty competitive and interesting when they were at the helm. We've had a legitimate franchise quarterback for the last 20 years and made it to a super bowl in 1996. In fact, the day I became a Pats fan was when Drew Bledsoe went into the Metrodome in 1994 and threw a still-NFL record 70 passes to defeat your travesty of a franchise. Have fun rooting for a team that plays in a fucking parachute and sucks ass every year.

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The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Raiders

Total: 4
Word count: 487
Average message length: 121.75 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 3
Threats of violence: 3
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 9.9

. @drewmagary is such a Raider hater it has hinder him incapable of correctly analyzing a

This dude @drewmagary got to be the most simple minded half retard dipshit "columnist" ive ever seen.

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Check this out drew, i know that everyone is entitled to there own opinion and the whole freedom of speech thing, but sometimes you just need to keep that trap closed and go about your own business, atleast thats how i was tought. Who are you? Seriously, who the fu@* are you? Some no name reporter trying to catch a meal ticket by writting some dumbass shit bout one of the most prestigous organizations in all sports, what? Ya i said prestigous mf, you got some balls talking about a deceased person, when you mention Al Davis or the Raiders make sure to wipe your mouth dick, as a matter of fact i dont think your even worthy enough..go to oakland mf and talk all that mess, dont hide beind a computer and talk shit you fucken coward.....RAIDER NATION TILL I DIE MF!!

Sent from my HTC EVO Design™ 4G from Boost Mobile

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So can you do a better job running a NFL football team? I am extremely disgusted about what you wrote and are writing about the Oakland Raiders. How can you judge Oakland Raider fans and the organization that you know nothing about except from what you hear from the media. So what do you know about me? Wait, let me answer that for you.... I'm a "parolee" or maybe a "lowlife" or even better I just go to the games so I can tailgate, get wasted and start a fight. Did I answer that correctly? Well? that fits the stereotype, right? well drew...That is nothing like me or the dozens of family members and friends that are Raider fans.

I have been reading GQ for many years and was going to resubscribe, but now I will be boycotting the company that you write/work for. Tomorrow when I start my work shift at the hospital I will be sharing my discuss with my fellow coworkers. Its a shame, because I enjoyed the magazine and I know most of my coworkers will miss reading it as well. I will also spread the word to the Doctors that I assist.

Some advice.... what you write about can make you or break your career . If you keep posting hateful and provoking articles you will definitely be broken.

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Ravens

Total: 4
Word count: 49
Average message length: 12.25 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 2
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 6

you're clearly a steeler loving dbag. get a life loser

****

Fuck you from a Ravens fan.

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I realize that you're job is to write snarky things for a snarky website. But I did think the tiny bit of you that has a soul should see this photo of the "phony" Ray Lewis yesterday at practice with a child from Make-A-Wish. This was not a press event.

****

Drew,

Very entertaining writings. Your a fucking asshole. Go fuck yourself.

Asshole.

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Redskins

Total: 4
Word count: 42
Average message length: 10.5 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 1
Threats of violence: 2
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 5.3

Your are as cool as AIDS... Die. HTTR

Sent from my iPhone

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if i ever see you on the street i am going to fuck you up. then im going to spit on your fat ugly hose beast wife

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Taking advantage of the dumbest of us. Terrible!

Sent from my iPhone

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sounds like drew is a real winner. He should probably stick to blogging soccer or a new radiohead album

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Saints

Total: 12
Word count: 572
Average message length: 48 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 1
Threats of violence: 2
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 6.3

my response to your shitty article on the saints and new orleans.
This guy is a joke. I can't believe he would ever get paid to write an article. If you are going to call an entire city dumb you should proabably correct all of your grammatical errors in your column first. "Most of them are all virulently racist"? HA! Clearly he doesn't truly know anything about the city or much else for that matter.

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Fuck you from the who DAT nation.
Sent from my iPad

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You are one ignorant piece of shit. You know nothing about this city or our team. You are basing argument on unsupported claims by the league and its commissioner. I am sure you believe in the wire taping allegations that came out too because you saw them on ESPN. But go ahead and base your opinion off of Cajun pawn stars, Swamp Loggers, and any other stupid fucking Hollywood show about Louisiana. Bashing the tam is one thing, but the retarded quotes and gumbo crap makes you look like a piece of shit that has nothing better to say than make fun of asinine stereotypes that are not true. You are too far up your own ass to come up with a decent argument that you resort to the every day stupid insults that every movie writer has put on this state. Congrats you unimaginative retard.

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Dude you suck. I couldn't make it far enough through your hatred but wanted to educate you that new Orleans and cajun are not hand&hand. Get it right. South of I10 is cajun.

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Drew...I just read your article about how much the saints suck.....First off, you're wrong...our team is good..theres no way to argue logically against that....Second, where's all this hate coming from??....Third, and most important...I dare you to go and speak the words that you're writing out loud in New Orleans...I don't think it would go so well for you..I hope you figure out a cooler way to deal with your insecurities...

Chris

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Dude, you are fucking hilarious. Do you really think anyone in New Orleans is offended by anything you say? We have been at the bottom of the football barrel for so long that there isn't a fucking thing you can possibly say that would make us do anything but laugh. Your opinion is just that. Yours. And it's great. We relish the fact that we hurt people. It's football you faggot. We love the fact that nothing you can say takes away the glory of a Superbowl win. We have the best QB in football over the last 6 years. Can't change that. You know bounties have been placed on players as long as the game has been around. We are a fucking good football team and you can't change that either.
As far as your characterization of the city, that's about as juvenile as it gets. Gumbo, Gumbo, Crawdad Gumbo. What the fuck is that all about? Did you let a 4-year old write that? And you are in New York. That's a fucking joke. Only New Yorkers think their city is so fucking great that if you live anywhere else you are a toothless retarded moron. By the way, I don't recall any of the NY football teams defeating us since Drew Brees got here.
And if your lily white ass is brave enough to show your face here I am sure a couple of NOLA brothers can help you out by assisting you in getting your jaw wired shut.

You are awesome, keep up the hate.
Fuck New York

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Go fuck yourself

Sent from my iPhone

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Mostly because your articles suck, you do nothing but bash on everybody and everything, so lets look at the five reasons Drew "big daddy" Magary sucks.
1. Reason number one because you look like fucking AJ Pierzynski and we can all agree that he is a total douche
2. Your articles (more like blogs) are backed by no research and are nothing but your retarded opinions that nobody cares about
3. You have a book on Amazon that ranks 787,016 in best sellers, I mean seriously what does that mean maybe 3 people bought the book all immediate family members.
4. Your not even on Wikipedia if that's not insulting to someone with your kind of ego then I don't know what it
5. Lastly your football knowledge is a bigger joke than your tumblr website and I actually hate myself for doing research to write this email I have much more important things to do with my life.

Now eat that bowl of GUMBOLAYA you fat ass

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Drew,

Regarding your email bashing the Saints a well as the city of New Orleans, I find it in poor taste and seem it is only right to call you an asshole. I grew up in New Orleans and have been a Saints fan my entire life. I don't think it's difficult to argue that Sean Payton is the best coatrina jambalaya hog sooie tyrann mathieu. Katrina. Fuck you.

Doug

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What junior high are you currently attending and what great city and team do you support? My initial reaction is that you are a dumbass!
Sent from my iPad
John

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Horrible article

Sent from my iPhone

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You have the same irrelevant spew as all of the rest who have no clue as to what NOLA represents. Maybe, you should consider bagging groceries as a supplemental income to help with your over-inflated school loans you aquired to be able to write such an insightful look about nothing you know about.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Droid

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Steelers

Total: 8
Word count: 286
Average message length: 35.75 words
Gaybaiting: 1
Your/you're: 2
Threats of violence: 1
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 7.2

SIXBURGH, GO BEN, JAMES HARRISON, TERRIBLE TOWEL, BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW BLACK AND YELLOW....and I'll top it off with a nice fuck you from all of Pittburgh!

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And for the record, we all knew how bad we sucked during the Cordell years. The Rooney 's are one of the better owners in the NFL and players always want to come back and retire in black and gold. I guess your job is writing so you think that every other city will applaud your last piece but you must have forgotten that Steelers fans are everywhere and my bet is that most people think you're a tool.

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You are a complete moron. Stereotyping an entire fan base is like saying all reporters are good at what they do. See it doesn't work...you suck.

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Your a worthless piece of shit & your opinions mean nothing at all.

~Sincerely a Steelers fan

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You my friend are a tool and can wait when the steelers win the Super
Bowl and shut your fat mouth up

Sent from my iPhone

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Wow! In America very few people have pride in anything any more. Families are falling apart, our government consistently rips us off, & there's very few long standing traditions anymore. Thus people bond over a team; something harmless versus lets say drugs, or organized crime. Like I say to anyone who puts down the Steeler Nation/Tradition EVERYONE HATES A WINNER. So if this is the best you can come up with then you need more help then the overweight people you made fun of on 105.9 The X. I heard a lot of people called you a pole smoking fag today. Well I won't hop on that bang wagon because it's counter productive just like your article. What you have displayed today is exactly what is wrong in this country. Let's make money/get attention for putting others down. Sadly for you Steeler fans are nation wide, & I'm sure the attention/money you received for this article will not be worth the harassment you receive publicly. Oh and I hope for the sale of your spine that you do not find yourself stuck underneath one of the overweight fans you put down.

Sincerely,

A City of Tradition

Sent from my iPhone

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Eat shit pussy. Come to Pittsburgh and shot your mouth off. Ya I didn't think so.

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Mr. Magary,
I find it comical how anyone can publish an article that is centered around opinions portrayed with obscenities in every other sentence. All quotes were obviously fabricated along with the majority of your article. The only factual statement is the fact that Tebow threw for 316 yards in the AFC divisional playoffs last year. Your literature needs more substance and less emotion.

Respectfully,
Huy Nguyen
Anaheim, Ca

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards

Titans

Total: 1
Word count: 60
Average message length: 60 words
Gaybaiting: 0
Your/you're: 0
Threats of violence: 0
Readability (Gunning-Fog Index): (6-easy 20-hard) 5.4

You are a complete moron!! You obviously know nothing about football to post such malarkey about the Titans!! CJ fat and shitty??!! Have you read about what espn and nfl.com have been saying bout him..?? Hes in the best football shape of his life!!! And Munchak was never going anywhere that was a rediculous roomer and thats all it was!! Hes been with the franchise since he was drafted in 1982 he wasnt going to coach fkn Penn State you ass sniffer!! Ur a freakin idiot!! Learn about the sport before you post such moronic artciles!! Get a new career dumbass!!

The Why Your Team Sucks Butthurt Awards