Do you know who Rob Parker is? You probably don't because there's really nothing special about Rob Parker. He currently exists as a member of ESPN's stable of chuckleheads who are periodically rotated into duty on First Take, where their main job is to sit there and let Skip Bayless do his thing.
Well, today Rob Parker decided that he wasn't going to go unnoticed any longer. So he did what any attention-seeking, B-list sports pundit would do: He trolled intelligent baseball fans.
Things got started a few hours ago when Parker tweeted the following:
To all the stat-geeks that follow @keithlaw: please put ur calculators down and watch the damn game. That's why the A's haven't won jack.— Rob Parker (@RobParkerESPN) September 26, 2012
That's some quality trolling. See, he goes right for the "people who like stats are nerds who use calculators because they're so nerdy, hahaha!" angle, and he even takes aim at fellow ESPNer Keith Law, which is of course extra-controversial.
The angry replies started to trickle in, just as Parker had planned, so he went ahead and threw more stupid gas on the stupid fire:
I've watched that Billy Beane movie 20 times and the A's never won the World Series. Stats so lame, they couldn't add a Hollywood-ending.— Rob Parker (@RobParkerESPN) September 26, 2012
Where's my pocket protector, glasses, laptop and another date-less night? I wanna fit in. Lol— Rob Parker (@RobParkerESPN) September 26, 2012
Not only does Rob Parker watch movies 20 times over, he apparently expects them to end differently each time. Do not ever go to movie night at Rob Parker's house.
Just about every baseball writer and fan on Twitter with a functioning brain stem took offense to Parker's idiocy, and they are currently berating him. A sampling:
Congrats @robparkerespn for rocking that goatee with pride. The late-90s are so proud of you, sir.— jonahkeri (@jonahkeri) September 26, 2012
To all the math-phobes that follow @robparkerespn ... wait, hello? Hello? Anybody there?— keithlaw (@keithlaw) September 26, 2012
Can't believe the guy who ripped off Huey Lewis for Ghostbusters theme not only works for ESPN, but is also currently trolling @keithlaw.— Dustin Parkes (@dustinparkes) September 26, 2012
@robparkerespn I am truly embarrassed for you right now.— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 26, 2012
Allow us to chime in: Hey Rob Parker, remember when you got caught making stuff up? Lol.
UPDATE: We've been told that Parker and Law appeared on the 4:00 SportsCenter to debate who should be the AL MVP. Law chose Mike Trout, and Parker chose Miguel Cabrera. Parker's trolling stemmed from that segment.