Dead Letters: "NO ONE CARES About Your Gay Mouth Munching Of Cookies"

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: YOUR NEWS IS SO FAR LEFT LEANING I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF READ IT. BETTER STOP WITH THE KOOLAID

From: Laurie and Tom
To: The Staff

[Ed: no text.]

Subject: you are a dick

From: Paul Gilligan
To: Drew Magary

THE WORLD LAUGHS AT DOUCHE BAGS LIKE YOU- THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOUR TOP 5 THE BEST PLACES TO LIVE – YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW BIG A DICK YOU ARE.BUT PEOPLE IN THOSE 5 PLACES DO.

Paul Gilligan
Director of Corporate Facilities
American Arbitration Association
Dispute Resolution Services Worldwide
1633 Broadway
10 Floor
New York, NY 10019

From: Paul Gilligan
To: Drew Magary

WHAT A DOUCHE BAG YOU ARE – 10 TIMES OVER

Paul Gilligan
Director of Corporate Facilities
American Arbitration Association
Dispute Resolution Services Worldwide
1633 Broadway
10 Floor
New York, NY 10019

Subject: a tip

From: Mr. Andrew H. Body
To: The Staff

i've gotta tell ya, i was a big fan of deadspin...and then, for god knows what reason, you decided to branch into politics. who does your marketing? who is your strategist?

jesus christ. if i want politics, i'll turn on c-span and figure out what's happening a hell of a lot better than you folks think you can explain the whole process.

so, get back to sports. you've lost me as a reader, but maybe you can save the rest of your base.

sincerely,
the one-eyed man in your blind kingdom

Subject: You suck

From: Bruno Sambrowski
To: Drew Magary

To Drew:

Your writing style has lead me to think the following: (1) you believe that hatred makes you relevant, and (2) you have a tiny dick.

Enjoy your life as a predictably bitter asshole,

Bruno

Subject: fire that asshole drew

From: doug fluenza
To: Drew Magary

please forward this email to the powers that be:

would someone from deadspin please fire the incompetent asshole drew. he repeatedly and routinely provides sensible readers with nonsensical bullshit cut straight from the cultish non thinking neo liberal establishment.

drew's retarded fucking rants are so generic and lazy.. for the sake of the sponsors and denton's caymen island money laundering scheme.. won't you please let this douchebag drew go file for unemployment - post haste.

regards

dougie

Subject: Your A Shitty Writer

From: Dave Justice
To: Albert Burneko

God dman I cant believe I'm saying this but you gotta stick with writing about salads or whatever the fuck shit it was you had last time this oreo post was stupid as shit man. NO ONE CARES about your gay mouth munching of cookies guy I swear its like you wanted to give a blowie to the stupid thing. Here's a tip: next time you write a post like this save the world some time and throw your computer in the river along with you and along with some rocks tied around your neck idiot.

Subject: [no subject]

From: Andy Warren
To: The Staff

Do you a giraffe would enjoy dry dog food? It's easy to picture somehow. Long neck craning down, the rustle of his lips against the sides of the bowl, etc.

Dead Tweets

Twitter poll: Should we stick to sports? (Letters only!)






Sorry, we said letters only.