Sorry, Hogs fans, this is no joke. Texas A&M's Johnny Manziel—a.k.a. Johnny Football—racked up an SEC record 557 yards of total offense in A&M's thorough dismantling of Arkansas today. He was as busy today as the Aggie who kept trying to slam the revolving door.
You may note that Arkansas was previously thoroughly dismantled by the likes of Alabama (52-0), Rutgers (35-26) and Louisiana-Monroe (an OT victory in a game Arkansas was supposed to win by 30). In that, you would be right. Just how can a team that has shown only bare flashes of being mantled be yet again dismantled? Oh, when it gives up 58 points to the Aggies, that's how. Also when it scores only 10 points on 515 yards of total offense. Arkansas is no longer a college football team; it's an inflatable bouncy castle that kids jump on until they get tired and a little sweaty and then go home laughing. At least the Hogs don't apply postage stamps when they send faxes, as Aggies have been known to do.
But back to Manziel and his offensive outburst. Almost a third of a mile, this fellow accounted for! He threw for 453 yards and three touchdowns. He ran for 104 yards and a touchdown on just 14 carries, including a 52-yard scamper that made the Arkansas secondary look bewildered, slow and timid. His output bettered Archie Manning's 1969 game against Alabama and Rohan Davey's 2001 game against Alabama—both 540-yard days—as the best in conference history. It was altogether mindblowing, like when you put an Aggie in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner.
Of course, Manning as an Ole Miss quarterback and even Davey, as an LSU QB, can stake a claim to a longer SEC heritage. To see an SEC record to be set by an A&M player—and against Arkansas, no less! It almost seems wrong the watch two SWC rivals combine to unseat a Manning from SEC record books. Almost as wrong as hanging your A&M diploma on the rearview to justify parking in handicapped spots.