Here's where we're putting the GIFs of the week, from Donald Brown triumphantly trolling the Packers to Brandon Lloyd dancing around like no one's looking.
Indianapolis 30, Green Bay 27: Well DAMN! We had something all written up about the tough day for Colts fans: Andrew Luck sacked 4 times in the first half (we even GIFed the "unnecessary roughness" sack from Nick Perry), Chuck Pagano's email to his team making everyone misty-eyed, an early 18-point deficit against the vaunted Packers. But the Colts were having none of it. Andrew Luck and Co. reeled off 19 straight points to take the lead in the fourth. Down again late, they executed on their last drive, which culminated in a touchdown with 39 seconds left and was capped off by two-point conversion from Donald Brown. Then he did the B.J. Raji shuffle from those dumb insurance commercials. Always great when an NFL player throws an endorsement back in an opposing player's face.
Andrew Luck finishes up the game with 3 touchdowns—two passing, one rushing—and the W in the battle of first overall pick vs. the reigning MVP. And you know what? #CHUCKSTRONG.
New York Giants 41, Cleveland 27: Hey, this was cool, right Browns fans? Dawg pound? You still there? Remember when Ahmad Bradshaw fumbled behind his back on the first play of the game, setting up a Trent Richardson TD? Guys?
Sorry. It wasn't quite this close—Brandon Weeden threw a garbage time TD to make the score what it was when the game ended—but the Browns offense did some good things in this one. Trent Richardson keeps giving people a reason to watch, and Cleveland racked up 17 quick points early. Still, the Giants extinguished the Browns' upset hopes pretty quickly, and everyone's jokes about waiting for the Browns to blow their 14-0 lead came to fruition faster than the jokesters had even joked about. Ahmad Bradshaw rushed for 200 yards, so yeah. 29-year-old rookie quarterback and all, offense may not be the issue for the 0-5 Browns.
Baltimore 9, Kansas City 6: Not exactly a heartening game on the day Chiefs fans flew a banner over Arrowhead Stadium that read, "We deserve better, fire Pioli, bench Cassel." Strangely enough, the unspoken part of that banner would have to be the coda, "for Brady Quinn," and the fans got their wish after this hit, which sent Matt Cassel to the bench with a head injury. "We are not just losing, we are just getting demolished left and right," said the fan who organized the fundraiser that bought the banner. I'd say Cassel got demolished sort of "front and right" on this one, but close enough.
Miami 17, Cincinnati 13: Andy Dalton threw an interception with 82 seconds left, Ryan Tannehill played surprisingly well for the second straight game (who'd have thought?), and the Dolphins pulled out the victory. At least A.J. Green keeps doing A.J. Green things:
Atlanta 24, Washington 17: Motorin'! That's all 6'4'', 260 pounds of the Redskins other recent first-round draft pick, Ryan Kerrigan, rumbling to the endzone after a bobbled pick-off. What would Matt Ryan even have done if he caught up to him? Tell him his shoelaces were untied?
The game didn't end so happily for the Redskins, that moment notwithstanding. RGIII got crunched and left the game, and after throwing a 77 yard touchdown on his fourth attempt, Kirk Cousins threw two interceptions on consecutive drives, the latter to ice it.
Pittsburgh 16, Philadelphia 14: Antonio Brown did a lot of good things in this one, catching 7 passes for 86 yards and helping the Steelers scrape by the Eagles, but he also owes Shaun Suisham a pierogi and a half after Suisham kicked the game-winner as time expired. The GIF below shows a sure touchdown catch Brown booted in the third quarter. The Steelers punted on the next play. A derpy GIF for a derpy game.
Seattle 16, Carolina 12: The good news is that Cam Newton did not throw an interception. The bad news is that worms don't have hands and couldn't intercept a football anyway. There were only two touchdowns in this game, both in the third quarter. Golden Tate caught one for 13 yards and Captain Munnerlyn took a Russell Wilson interception 33 yards for Carolina. This is neither of those plays, although it could have been the game's third touchdown. If not for Cam deciding to roll one into endzone.
Chicago 41, Jacksonville 3: Blaine Gabbert had two interceptions, both of which were returned 36 yards for touchdowns by the Bears (Charles Tillman and Lance Briggs). Jay Cutler threw in another two touchdowns of his own and, really, let's just leave it at that. It gets to be too much after a while. Josh Scobee had a field goal, though! Here is Tillman, with about 5 minutes left in the third returning the first of two Bears defensive touchdowns. It broke open a relatively close game and Jacksonville never recovered
Minnesota 30, Tennessee 7: My goodness, so many blowouts today. Here's another one—but a weird one. Christian Ponder had two touchdowns, but also added in two interceptions on only 258 yards. Adrian Peterson had 88 yards and no touchdowns. A thoroughly mediocre game for most of the Vikings stars except Percy Harvin and...the field goal kicker, I suppose. Somehow all that added up to a 30-7 blowout of the Titans. Harvin, for his part, had two touchdowns and on this one he appears to stop and re-start his momementum approximately 16 times. Pretty impressive.
New England 31, Denver 21: The Patriots held a 24-7 lead with 5 minutes left in the third quarter and then they forced a fumble inside the Broncos 20 and boom: 31-7. Manning being Manning, the Broncos methodically came back, thanks to some timely turnovers and boneheaded decisions from the Patriots. But then Willis McGahee decided to start fucking everything up and dropped a sure first down pass and later fumbled, effectively ending the Denver comeback. Please enjoy Brandon Lloyd being a very large weirdo. He almost does a 360 within a 360, which is sort of impressive.
San Francisco 45, Buffalo 3: It was 31-3 at at 6:43 p.m. with 14:12 left in the fourth quarter and that was the score when I gave up on that game. Sorry guys, you get no GIF.
San Diego, New Orleans: Not sure if you heard, but Sean Payton was at the game. The Saints, however, were not allowed to show him in the stadium—so maybe he wasn't there, right NFL? Drew Brees broke a consecutive games with a touchdown streak so, let's all do a little "who gives a shit?" dance, shall we? Brees threw three more touchdowns and close to 400 yards. Brees was also saved from a pick six that would have made it 31-14 Chargers late in the third on this roughing the passer call. A few players later Brees found Marques Colston for a 16-yard touchdown. It was a 14-point swing and the Chargers never scored again. The Saints got their first win of the year.