It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be.
1. Alabama (5-0) Previous rank: 1
2. South Carolina (6-0) Previous rank: 2
Scored 21 points in the first quarter against No. 4 Georgia, and led 35-0 before the Bulldogs eked out a late touchdown.
3. Oregon (6-0) Previous rank: 3
Eased up to beat Washington by a merciful 52-21 score, missing out on 300 rushing yards and 200 passing yards by one and two yards, respectively.
4. Florida (5-0) Previous rank: 4
Beat No. 10 LSU, 14-6.
5. Kansas State (5-0) Previous rank: 7
6. West Virginia (5-0) Previous rank: 8
Texas held Mountaineers quarterback Geno Smith to less than half his previous week's output. So he dropped from 656 yards and eight touchdowns to 268 and four, in a 48-45 win on the road.
7. [vacant] Previous rank: 6
8. Ohio (6-0) Previous rank: 12
9. Ohio State (6-0) Previous rank: 13
Shook off last week's ponderousness to beat Nebraska, 63-38.
10. Mississippi State (5-0) Previous rank: 18
11. Louisiana Tech (5-0) Previous rank: 16
The Bulldogs broke 50 points for the fourth time in five games, beating UNLV 58-31.
12. Louisville (5-0) Previous rank: 17
13. Oregon State (4-0) Previous rank: 21
14. Texas-San Antonio (5-0) Previous rank: 19
15. Texas A&M (4-1) Previously unranked
Time to start ranking the losers in earnest. The Aggies qualify less for beating Ole Miss, 30-27, over the weekend than for having given Florida a fight in the season opener, losing 20-17. The better Florida does, the better that game looks.
16. Baylor (3-1) Previous rank: 22
17. Duke (4-1) Previously unranked
So here's what's become of the ACC's bold, imperial plan to transform itself from a compact, excellent basketball conference to a sprawling, big-time football conference: a weekend of wall-to-wall humiliating defeats for every deluded former or would-be powerhouse in the league. How far has the ACC sunk? Perennial bottom-feeder Duke, with a 42-17 win over Virginia, has a better record than The U or Virginia Tech, and a better conference record than Florida State. Everyone is Duke now, and Duke, at the moment, is the best of the Dukes.
18. (tie) Texas (4-1) Previous rank: 14
18. (tie) Oklahoma (3-1) Previously unranked
Is it better to have lost to West Virginia or to Kansas State? The Longhorns and the Sooners can untangle the question between themselves this weekend.
20. Tulsa (5-1) Previously unranked
On a five-game winning streak after a season-opening loss to the not-bad Iowa State, on the road.
21. (tie) Iowa State (4-1) Previously unranked
21. (tie) Texas Tech (4-1) Previous rank: 15
21. (tie) LSU (5-1) Previous rank: 10
21. (tie) TCU (4-1) Previous rank: 9
Positioned to further prove or disprove themselves this weekend, against Kansas State, West Virginia, South Carolina, and Baylor, respectively.
116. (tie) Florida State (5-1) Previous rank: 11
116. (tie) Miami (4-2) Previously unranked
116. (tie) Virginia Tech (3-3) Previously unranked
116. (tie) Clemson (5-1) Previously unranked
And the basketball isn't even any good anymore.
120. Our Lady Of The Navy-Blue-And-White Leprechaun (who cares) Previously unranked
Nothing says "third-rate program" like an idiotic asymmetric marketing-prototype helmet. Nice job, clowns.