Bulbous Dodgers reliever Todd Coffey signed up for Twitter in March of last year, but he's only tweeted 166 times, depending on whether you count deleted tweets. He has a few of those now, because he or someone with access to his (verified! because of course there are parodies) account went on a veritable spree last night, offering thoughts on topics ranging from the First Amendment to that old social media rant standby, socialism. Through the magic of manual retweets, we can reconstruct Coffey's mid-Cardinals-comeback stump speech. It's tough to say whether these are exactly in order, but the logic is so solid the pieces are basically interchangeable:
@ToddCoffey60: After two debates who are you voting for Obama or Biden
@ToddCoffey60: If Obama had his way I wouldn't be able to talk bad about him I like this country the way it is freedom of speech
@ToddCoffey60: Romney all the way
@ToddCoffey60: I think Romney Ryan should get there turn In the last four years Obama hasn't done anything
@ToddCoffey60: And he's trying to turn us in to a socialism
@ToddCoffey60: World ending anyway December 21, 2012 lol
OK, pretty crazy. But some people loved it:
Totally with ya on the socialism apocalypse Todd! Coffey either checked his @-replies, thought better of the tweets on his own, or has a friend with a 14-year-old kid (or a 14-year-old friend with a kid?) who has strong but not wholly unusual opinions about the upcoming presidential election, a dark sense of humor, and the audacity to dick around on the Twitter account of his parents's minor celebrity friend. Coffey deleted the tweets and issued the following mea culpa:
Well, that's why you don't hang out with adolescents and their children.
Oh. In fairness to Coffey, the deleted tweets are, at points, clearer and more verbose than the rest of his feed, so he may be telling the truth when he says he wasn't their author.