Deadspin's NBA Shit List: Sasha Vujacic, The Infernal Machine

A celebration of the NBA's most infuriating players, both past and present. Read other NBA Shit List entries here.

Let's start with a disclaimer: I'm not a devout NBA fan. The NBA is not my strongest writing or speaking topic. I confess this for an important reason. Despite my minimal knowledge, ever since I became aware of Sasha Vujacic, I've loathed him intensely.

Sasha Vujacic transcends the game. You do not need to grasp the nuances of pro basketball in order to despise Sasha Vujacic. You don't even need to watch the NBA. Just go ahead and do the one thing everyone told you not to, and judge this book by its cover.

I feel like Rob Riggle. Every time I see Vujacic's stupid face, I want to hit him in the suckhole, and there's nothing he can do to alter those sentiments.

Maybe you need more reasons than "his stupid fucking face." As it happens, Vujacic is moody and petulant. Some athletes can get away with having a sour mood if they're talented. Sasha Vujacic is not one of those athletes. He's just moody and petulant. We already have two cons on an imaginary pro-con list for Sasha Vujacic. (Three, if you include "his stupid fucking face.") There are no pros.

If we're going to get into Vujacic's actual basketball prowess, then yes, at one point, Vujacic was a dependable three-point shooter off the bench. But he ruined any earned reputation by giving himself a nickname: "The Machine."

Sasha Vujacic used to be called an "11 o'clock player" by Coach Phil Jackson, a reference to his habit of shooting well in morning practices but failing to extend it to games.

Now he's living up to a different nickname, one he gave himself — The Machine.

Bullshit. Nicknames aren't self-assigned, unless you're someone like Shaq, a master at your trade. Being above average at shooting threes off the bench for a stretch of games does not exempt Sasha Vujacic from the "no giving yourself a nickname" rule. His teammate Kobe even made fun of Vujacic for it, after Vujacic sucked butt during a game.

Outside of three-pointers, what valuable skills did Sasha Vujacic bring to the table? Pretending he was shot when someone touched him. Look at Vujacic almost faint due to Von Wafer's elbow being in his proximity:

If Vujacic could get away with using the Wilhelm scream sound during games to get the referees' attention, he would.

And even as Vujacic milked every foul on him, he was adept at delivering cheap shots going the other way. He smacked Goran Dragic in the face (although Dragic milked it a bit, still a dick move by Sasha). Vujacic also elbowed Shane Battier in the head, leaving Battier looking like the bladed loser in an ECW match.

These days, Vujacic is playing overseas for Anadolu Efes, a Turkish basketball team. Regardless of where his basketball assets take him, though, Sasha Vujacic can suck it. Maybe Sasha Vujacic is a nice guy in real life (doubt it), but that doesn't concern me. If we're talking about Basketball Player Sasha Vujacic, he's a self-nickname-dubbing, cheap-shot-distributing, skill-deprived, smug, immature, whiny, arrogant, despicable jackass. If the feeling of biting the side of your mouth while eating could be turned into a human, it would be Sasha Vujacic.