Dead Letters: In Which A Bunch Of Random Ladies Desire Flings With The Deadspin Staff

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

I'll just let all of these rip at once. They greeted us on Tuesday.

Subject: You know! I am just and searching for boyfriend!

From: Marina Winsten
To: Sean Newell

I work on a farm 50 hrs a week. When I'm not working I enjoy riding my horses and playing with my dog. I also like to go out to eat or go to a movie. I have a lot of patience and am very straight-foward and honest.

Subject: Hi there! I'm just searching for for husband!

From: Norina Hupp
To: Jack Dickey

I'm new to the Seattle area and I would love to have someone to hang out with. I enjoy spending time outdoors, traveling, trying new things, dancing, eating, working out and much more :) I enjoy all different types of music. Somedays I'm into country, other days I like hip hop and R&B. My music changes based upon my mood :)I'm hard working, out going, funny, honest, open to most things, and sweet. I love to cuddle. I value integrity, honesty and hard work. I have a big heart! I love to laugh and I have a lot to offer someone. Let me know if you would like to be the one :)

Subject: Sup! I'm just on the lookout for date!

From: Marina Hurtado
To: Barry Petchesky

I am 23 years old enjoy watching and playing sports. My favorite team is the philadelphia eagles. My favorite athletic is Lebron James. When I'm not working im usually watching sports center or something funny on Tv. I live in Pa but plan on moving outta here one day. Right now im going to school for business construction. And plan on opening my own business when i finish. I listen to all kinds of music and i love to cook. My father was a professional cook so i guess thats were i get my Skill. Well u wanna no anymore hit my Page!!!!!!!!!

Subject: Yo! I'm certainly seeking for date!

From: Auberon Poznauskis
To: The Staff

hello my name is keisha a.k.a crazy love

Subject: Gday! Now I am hunting for lover!

From: Shanna Wiggs
To: Brian Hickey

I am from Port Arthur, Texas represent it til im dead *like the Pimp C say R.I.P. man* tha land of da trill but i am currently living in bunk Houston, Tx u knoe H~town r wuteva they wanna call it it should b called borin-land ...I love to sing i am now 20 yrs. old...i love my family and i miss them dearly...I LOVE GOING TO CHURCH TO PRAISE MY GOD...im a great person to b around...I hate hataz i hate people who lie on me das sad all yal do is tlk bout people behind they backs n cant fess up 2 it when i confront u, but u knoe wat i dont even trip i just dont worry about what people say do or think bout me because im gonna still be Alicia regardless so daz y i juz let people talk they words dont mean anything to me...im a guud person and i love myself my family my first child De'Quaylon mommie loves you baby but mainly GOD...i love to sing, im going to become a R.N...im a real woman i dont play games im on mi grown woman shit...anything else just ask...

Subject: [no subject]

From: Robert Peters
To: Barry Petchesky

Hello,
I would like to know if you carry columns in stock for sale or can order to be picked from your location ? Please find my specs below :

Full column

Total max. height: 234.5cm
Total min. height: 224.5cm
Min. inner diameter: 21.5cm
Capital: Height 12cm,
Max. width 41.5cm
Shaft: Height 202cm,
Outer diameter 30cm
Plinth: Height 20cm,
outer diameter 43cm

Please send me the total cost and let me know if there are any surcharges for using Visa or Mastercard.Also send me your contact number.

Thanks

Subject: [no subject]

From: David McMullin
To: The Staff

Kluwe vs Tebow!
Brainwashed since birth religious fucktard vs. halfwit-jock!
See you in Prez Bowl 2024!
Manifest Destiny!
Faux MachoMan American bs report!
Let the best quasi-football player win!
Magary's wet dream?

Subject: [no subject]

From: Justin Winters
To: Tom Ley

Tom-

You're an idiot for the Terry Bradshaw trolling. I've seen bogus reports for clicks or publicity or whatever, but to insinuate that a man is a racist is not funny. Especially when Deadspin strives to provide accurate and relevant information to sports fans. You're a tool. You're the phillips head screwdriver of tools. This blatant disregard of fact will stay with you in your future endeavors. Serves you right I guess.

Justin

From: Tom Ley
To: Justin Winters

You are a strange person. At what point did I insinuate that Terry Bradshaw is racist?

From: Justin Winters
To: Tom Ley

The first story is the problem. Your title's are misleading and posting it at all, while somewhat funny, makes people associate the term racist with Terry Bradshaw. I'm not naïve enough to think you aren't enjoying the back and forths with people like me who find it ridiculous, but to leave it unaddressed would be an exercise in apathy on my part.

Writing that he probably isn't racist…but, he still said it, conveys that you have doubts pertaining to whether or not he is in fact a racist. Clearly I'm not the only one who sees this. Of course as the author, you know what you were thinking when you posted it so, who am I to question your thought process? What's done is done.

From: Tom Ley
To: Justin Winters

I didn't write the first story.

From: Justin Winters
To: Tom Ley

Well, fuck me. My apologies.

Subject: Hey dickhead

From: Brian Matzke
To: Jack Dickey

Y u gonna close the comments?!

I had sumthin 2 say.

Sent from my iPhone