The B.S. Report Report: Falling In Love All Over Again

Julia Alvidrez, Gawker Media's operations manager, is an unabashed fan of Bill Simmons and everything Grantland. She is also an occasional reader of Deadspin. Every week, she will recap Simmons's podcast, The B.S. Report, for us.

Talk about B.S.: This week there were only two podcasts. TWO! What could possibly be more important to Bill than these podcasts? If this has anything to do with his NBA Countdown gig, Bill's really in for it. I will boycott. I will write letters. I will complain a lot. I will take Jalen and Wilbon hostage until Bill learns to manage his time more wisely. That's how much I rely on this weekly fix of giggly sports nonsense. I had to subscribe to a few new podcasts this week just so I could continue to laugh to myself like a serial killer on the train to work. My favorite new one this week was Judd Apatow on the Adam Carolla Show. (Carolla was also Bill's guest later in the week.) I instinctively took mental notes while listening so, like it or not, you're getting a bonus recap this week. But before we get there, let us discuss Joe House's eating habits, Mangria, and Bill's resignation from fantasy football.

A little bit of background: the Grantland YouTube channel debuted a new series this week called "House Eats," which documents Joe House eating. For this first episode Joe goes to Emma Jean's Holland Burger Cafe. A little Googling reveals that this restaurant is located in Victorville, Calif. There are two reasons to stop in Victorville: to squat in an abandoned track home, or to gorge yourself on the way back from Vegas. That must be the case here, which makes me think this was a totally unplanned event, and that House eats like this on a regular basis.

Bill calls House at the end of the podcast, and we learn that his show is getting "mixed reviews," especially from Cousin Sal, who once went head-to-head with House in an eating contest and lost*. Later in the segment, Bill gets so worked-up over Chris Johnson that he swears he is done, through, quitting fantasy football after this season for GOOD. Listen below for our total B.S. Sports Guy Moment of the week.

*Cousin Sal insists that he won the eating contest, left the restaurant and then House got a second wind and continued to eat, however, food eaten after the contest ends does not count.

For the rest of the podcast my notes say, "Josh Freeman gets a boob job, Bill doesn't know how to pronounce Adderall, or know what it's prescribed for, Sal wins the Week 10 line picks again, boring, House is gross." That about covers it.

Bill's special guest this week is Adam Carolla. I love Adam Carolla. Everything I learned about sex and dirty stuff up until the age of 15 I learned from listening to Love Line on my Walkman under the covers. That is frightening to think about, but it's true. Now, with that said, I've changed a lot since then, and I was nervous going into this hour that I wouldn't feel the same spark that I once felt. The podcast opens with an in-depth discussion of action movies, namely Liam Neeson's new movie Taken 2. I'm definitely not going to see it, so I wasn't paying attention for spoilers, but I think it's safe if you are. On the topic of action movies set in the future, Adam ponders why no one ever wears denim. See, this is why I love him. The remainder of the show is one big promo for Mangria, Carolla's sangria for men (See how he put those words together like that?). Curious about what goes into Mangria, I started reading this Adam Carolla forum but quickly had to stop myself. I can't sit around reading this all day, or my inbox would get backed up with complaints about the temperature. From what I gather, it sounds like a pretty revolting combination of wine, vodka and juice, but I'll let you know how it goes down once my case of it arrives.

My fears, it turns out, were unwarranted—I am still madly in love with Carolla, so much so that I started listening to his podcast show. This morning he's joined by Jud Apatow to discuss his new movie, This Is 40. The film is a sequel to Knocked Up, like a Jeffersons-style spin-off, and it stars Apatow's real-life wife and kids. This risky business makes for entertaining conversation and intriguing insight into his personal life. If you're nosy like me, you will just eat this up. Don't see Taken 2. See this instead. They also discuss Carolla's movie The Hammer, about a guy who turns 40 and starts a boxing career. It's not to be confused with another movie of the same name about a deaf wrestler. This is a suspicious coincidence at best. but I digress. This weekend I'm watching Adam's movie and drinking Mangria, and none of you are invited. Reunited, and it feels so good.