Buffalo Bills Fan Sues Team For Excessive Text Message Program He Signed Up ForS

There are many wonderful things about living in the United States. It's far from perfect, but as far as countries go, it's a pretty sweet place to live. Then you read about a guy like Jerry Wojcik and it makes you want to scrap the whole thing and start over. Jerry Wojcik is suing the Buffalo Bills for sending him 2-3 more texts a week than he voluntarily and proactively agreed to receive. I'm not going to throw around words like "frivolous lawsuits," because those kind of words have very specific meanings that can be debated. Instead, I'm just going to tell Jerry Wojcik that he is an incredible dickhead for filing this colossal waste of time.

In their legal papers, his attorneys claim that after he signed up for a Bills program that pledged to send him no more than five text alerts per week, he instead received six messages one week and seven a few weeks later.

This is remarkable. On so many levels, too. Jerry Wojcik not only signed up for a text messaging service—who even does that?—but then felt it was too excessive and got mad about it. Then, desiring restitution, he presumably researched law firms to take his grievance to court. He then left his house, climbing over the piles of newspapers, clothes, coffee grounds and at least one dead cat in his living room to meet with attorneys. At least one firm invited Jerry to sit down in its conference room, listened to Jerry discuss excessive text messages from the Buffalo Bills for which he signed up, conferred with each other and decided "yes, we will represent this man."

That law firm then assigned this case to its worst attorney. This attorney then drafted a complaint and had the secretary print it out so that (s)he could review and sign it. It being an old-fashioned firm, a courier was called. This person took this complaint to the federal court in Middle District Florida and filed the papers. The courier was not hit by a truck on his or her way to the courthouse. The papers were accepted and assigned to a judge. The originally-assigned judged tragically died shortly after receiving the case. Autopsy reports indicate the cause of death as "exploded head." A new judge was assigned.

Someone leaked the filing to a reporter. That reporter tragically died shortly after receiving the phone call—but not before jotting down some notes—autopsy reports also indicate an exploded head. A copycat is suspected. The reporter's grieving spouse came across the jotted-down notes and informed former colleagues. Eventually Gene Warner of The Buffalo News writes a story under the following headline:

3 excess text messages prompt fan to sue Bills.

h/t Ben

3 excess text messages prompt fan to sue Bills [Buffalo News]