Week 11 is here and we've got a lot to talk about including coaching controversies and the Vickless Eagles. Let's get going already.
Cleveland at Dallas (CBS): Mike Holmgren was reassigned to the meaningless "special advisor" position when the Browns new ownership took over a few weeks ago. He will also be in attendance at Jerry Jones's Super Magical Colossus That Looks Like The Lombardi Trophy From The Sky today, so he's been denying rumors that he'll be the next coach of the Cowboys. This obviously means he will most definitely be the next coach of the Dallas Cowboys despite his "tremendous respect for Jason Garrett."
Arizona at Atlanta (FOX): Atlanta finally got the monkey off its back and can now finish its run to the Super Bowl without the stress of having never lost. Dodged a bullet. Sad to say now, but they are looking straight down the barrel of a losing streak's gun with John The Animal Skelton in town (the gun, here, is John Skelton's arm—a common analogy for strong-armed quarterbacks). That's how fast life moves in the NFL. One week you're riding high after avoiding a season-crippling win streak, the next you're mired in a season-crippling losing streak.
Green Bay at Detroit (FOX): Alex Green is the leading rusher for the Packers with 272 yards on the season. That's like five minutes-worth of Doug Martin, or basically last week for Calvin Johnson. But Aaron Rodgers is tied for the league lead with 25 touchdowns and second only to Peyton Manning in QB rating. So, who cares about Alex Green. If you like high octane offense and live in a flyover state, enjoy this game.
Cincinnati at Kansas City (CBS): The Kansas City Chiefs are in a bad way—so bad in fact, that they narrowly avoided a blackout this week. The Kansas City Chiefs, who play in Arrowhead Stadium. The Arrowhead. "Such a tough place to play," said basically everyone when the Chiefs were good. Well, the Chiefs are not good and fans are pissed. They are staging their own blackout at the game to protest current leadership, including former guru-turned-guy-lucky-to-have-worked-with-Belichick, Scott Pioli. And then, there's this:
The team has faced national criticism, as well, becoming the butt of jokes by Jay Leno on Thursday's "The Tonight Show." Leno held up a Chiefs "ticket" that said, "Warning: Even though you paid for the best seats in the stadium, the Chiefs still suck."
Leno—still got it!
Philadelphia at Washington (FOX): Another week, another divisional matchup for the Eagles. Only this week, Nick Foles is the starter! This is it Eagles fans, you're finally going to do it. Nick Foles is going to turn things around and you will embark on a magical, Brady-like run to the Super Bowl. All those years of misery will be over. Super Bowl champs! Nick Foles! Andy Reid! LeSean Mc-nah, just kidding.
Tampa Bay at Carolina (FOX): Figuring out this season for the Panthers is a lot like figuring out this quote from head coach Ron Rivera:
"Some of us have to make plays when you get the opportunities. I think that is a big part of it," he said. "If you look at it you'll see that we missed some opportunities. We missed some blocks. You have to be able to protect the offensive line. When the ball is thrown, you have to catch it. You have to make good decisions when you go throw it. Defensively we were really good on third down, but you can't give up a big play."
Yeah, I don't know either. Meanwhile, after a turbulent start to the season, Tampa Bay has sort of evened out to be one of the bazillion mediocre teams in the NFL this year. So, although the Falcons have all but sewn up the division, a wild card is not out of the question for the Bucs. Time to ride Doug Martin into the ground and an early retirement.
Jacksonville at Houston (CBS): What a nightmare of a game this is—not even Steve Tasker deserves this game. Jaguars head coach Mike Mularkey is, like, the King of sad sack sayings at this point.
"We would like to finish this thing strong on an upward course in every direction," Jaguars first-year head coach Mike Mularkey said Friday. "We would like to finish strong."
You got it, Mike. But what if Gabbert can't go?
Gabbert underwent treatment on his limb over the weekend and the Jaguars have in plan in place if he's unable to exact revenge on the Texans.
That's good. Plans are good.
New York Jets at St. Louis (CBS): The New York Jets are the Jacksonville at Houston of football teams at this point.