The U.S. Just Won Another Gold Medal At The 2004 OlympicsS

This is maybe not news: Four Eastern European field athletes at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens have been stripped of their medals after testing positive for PEDs. IOC rules allow samples to be frozen for eight years, then re-tested, since the technology now allows for identification of substances that were undetectable at the time. The four athletes' pee was unfrozen, tested, and found to contain anabolic steroids.

Russia's Svetlana Krivelyova (bronze, shot put), Belarus's Ivan Tsikhan (silver, hammer throw) and Iryna Yatchenko (bronze, discus), and Ukraine's Yuriy Bilonog (gold, shot put) have all been stripped of their medals.

Bilonog's best put was exactly the same distance as American Adam Nelson, but got the win on a tiebreaker. Bilonog's retroactive disqualification means that everyone else moves up on the podium, giving Nelson his first ever Olympic gold medal.

America, man. We just can't stop winning medals. And the samples from the Athens games must be destroyed this year, so we can't be stripped of the ones we doped to win! USA! USA!