Chicago Man Stabs Bar Patron In The Neck, Throws His Own Shit All Over A Police Station

Having to go the bathroom at a bar is the worst. It always smells like piss and shit, everything is either soaking wet or sticky, drunk dudes always want to strike up a conversation, and sometimes crazy people jump out from the bathroom stall and stab you in the neck with a broken beer bottle. From the Chicago Tribune:

At 12:26 a.m. Sunday, officers were called to the Red Ivy sports bar at 3525 N. Clark St., where the 25-year-old suburban victim told officers Greaves jumped out of a bathroom stall and attacked him with a broken beer bottle, slicing him on both sides of the throat, according to a police report.

Gah! I will never set foot in another bar bathroom for as long as I live. Luckily, the victim survived, and the best part of this story doesn't come until the stabber was taken to the police station for processing.

Greaves refused to wear his pants and yelled obscenities while being processed at a police station. Also, while being processed, the man defecated into his hands and threw the matter onto the floor of the station, the report stated.

OK, so we're obviously dealing with a crazy person, but Mr. Greaves's attorney wisely cautions us not to rush to judgement.

Outside of court, Greaves defense attorney, Kevin McCubbin, said: "All I've got to tell you is there's two sides to it."

Indeed. Don't judge a bathroom-stabber until you've walked a mile with his shit in your hands, or something.

[Tribune]