Next Media Animation, the Taiwanese animation company that produces short cartoons recapping the news of the day, has its best muse in sports, where the lines between good and evil lend themselves to pictures of angry video game characters, and events are just cartoonish enough to spark the overactive NMA imagination. It's a vision of what sportswriting once was: loose with the facts, endlessly biased, and happy to caricature villians and add fantastical unlikelihoods to its summaries. There's also the fact that some of the jokes are clearly lost in translation, CGI characters doing anything looks weird, and the good people at NMA are obviously a little insane. Nonetheless, this is more or less the way the year went down.
This year, NMA incorporated photoshops from Deadspin commenters into its recap of Pacquiao-Marquez—you guys are famous!—and with that overlap in mind, it seemed there were few better ways to relive the year in sports than taking a look back at the strangest moments—out of many, many options—from their summaries. Take it away, God playing with Tom Brady and Eli Manning action figures to decide Super Bowl XLVI, from "Super Bowl 2012: Manning clutch as Giants beats Patriots 21-17," and click through for more of the delightfully surreal NMA weirdness that will eventual end up replacing the actual events in our memories.
2) Tim Tebow, in the depths of hell, wearing an "I ♥ NY" shirt, from "New York Jets, Denver Broncos agree to Tim Tebow trade"
3) This little child throwing an axe, which was somehow necessary to explain Metta World Peace's suspension for elbowing James Harden, from "Metta World Peace: Laker faces suspsension for elbowing"
4) A succinct illustration of the Saints' bounty program, from "New Orleans Saints face NFL punishment in 'bounty-gate'"
5) I'll Have Another trainer Doug O'Neill, mixing a steroid cocktail "milkshake" with creepy, steroid-dealer Ronald McDonald, from "I'll Have Another scratches from Belmont Stakes, ends Triple Crown hopes"
6) A mountain lion—a Nitanny Lion, in fact—shitting golden eggs on a desk while NCAA officials dance happily, from "Penn State football suspension: death penalty not punishment enough"
7) Michael Phelps—Phelps is the dolphin—blowing weed smoke onto a statue of a discus thrower, indicating that he had surpassed every other Olympian in terms of medals, from Michael Phelps 2012 Olympics 19th medal
8) A large bear spanking Maria Sharapova, who is placing tennis in a bikini, from "Tennis grunting ban supported by Maria Sharapova"
9) Gray-haired Roger Goodell, dressed as an ancient Roman magistrate, literally pissing on fans and players, from "NFL referee lockout bloopers ruining 2012-2013 NFL season"
10) A dog, inexplicably eating Lance Armstrong, from "Lance Armstrong leaves Livestrong, dumped by Nike"
11) A (literal) Oregon duck shitting on some (literal) USC Trojans' heads, from "USC Trojans football: Lane Kiffin needs to grow up"
12) One anthropomorphic Chicago Bear throwing a bucket of water on another for reasons that aren't explained (the idiomatic definition of "to throw water on" doesn't fit) while they barbecue what I assume are Seawhaws, from "Seattle Seahawks Suspension: NFC wild-card spot on the line?"
13) Blood flying as Dwight Howard jumps on a stapler, which is stapling Carmelo Anthony's knee, from "Jeremy Lin leads Houston Rockets to victory over New York Knicks"
14) Tommy Tuberville dressing up as a woman in order to sneak out of the bathroom window during his dinner with Texas Tech recruits, from "Tommy Tuberville dines and dashes on Texas Tech, Kliff Kingsbury new coach"
15) Jesus in heaven, watching First Take, from "Jets' Ryan sabotaging Tebow's career"