Ryan Lochte Is Getting His Own Reality ShowS

We imagine—we have only the vaguest idea of how television works—that, after the Olympics, broadcasting companies considered hiring Ryan Lochte in some capacity. He was a big star! Everyone loved him! He even beat Michael Phelps that one time. But no one did hire him—aside from bit parts on 30 Rock and 90210—presumably because the Industry (as the Industry does) was waiting to see if anyone might still care about Ryan Lochte in, say, November. The November verdict soon arrived. No one cared any more about Ryan Lochte.

So what to make of today's news that E! (part of the NBCUniversal empire, which televises the Olympics) will soon air Lochte's reality show? The show will be called What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, and it'll "feature the swimmer partying and training as he prepares for the 2016 Rio Olympics while building his fashion line, making media appearances, dealing with his close-knit and outspoken family and friends and looking for the right girl." Well, we would have an opinion on this new TV series, but that would require us to devote further neurons to decisions made by and about Ryan Lochte, and that just wouldn't be proper. Sorry for wasting your time.