Lance Armstrong Admits To Doping, Being An "Arrogant Prick" In Interview With Oprah

Our long national nightmare is over. Lance Armstrong's pre-recorded interview with Oprah just aired, and Armstrong flatly admitted to using performance enhancing drugs. Oprah began the interview with a series of yes-or-no questions about whether or not Armstrong had used a variety of PEDs during his career. The answer to each question was a simple, "Yes." He went on to say that he had not doped since 2005.

Boom, or something.

The interview went on for what felt like an eternity after that, and Armstrong was fairly contrite throughout. Oprah made him watch video clips of himself denying that he ever used performance enhancers and admonishing others for questioning the legitimacy of his Tour De France victories. Armstrong referred to himself as a "jerk," an "arrogant prick," and a "bully." All of this was said in front of two conspicuous glasses of water with bendy straws.

Armstrong did refuse to refer to himself as a "cheat," however, saying that he saw himself as having competed on a "level playing field," which is an entirely reasonable thing to say. He also adamantly denied calling Betsy Andreu "fat." Boom, again.

The best part of the interview was when Armstrong said that he had sued so many people that he couldn't keep all of his lawsuits straight in his head. I mean, who doesn't get bogged down trying to remember all of the vindictive, potentially life-ruining lawsuits that they've brought against people who were just trying to tell the truth? Been there!

They talked about a lot of other stuff, and I got bored and stopped listening after a while. You can catch a replay of the interview here, if you're so inclined. Part two airs tomorrow. Yay?