Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Street Fight - Big Mom." Tonight's commentator: Drew Magary returns. (Coming next week: TBD, as the seminal fight video of the week has not yet presented itself.)
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? This is awful. That poor girl is getting her hair pulled and her head smashed against a wall. Was the fat, shirtless lady thrown in jail? Can we find her and put her in jail? I would like her to be in jail. What is WRONG with people?
I'll be honest: I didn't watch the whole thing. That's my policy with any film directed by Lee Daniels. I made it thirty-four seconds in before I shut it off and burned an American flag. This is the kind of clip that racist Texas judges forward to each other.
And now the rest of the Tuesday Night Fights:
• THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT STEALING A WEAVE! (Start of Violence, instantly)
• When hospital-room deaths lead to hospital-room brawls. (SoV, 0:10)
• Let the record reflect that this is the first-ever fight at Tha Cookout Restaurant in Bad Newz, Va. Historic moment. (SoV, 0:14)
• The "Holy Shit Check Out The Shot At 0:48 Which Was Apparently Thrown Because Of A Spilled Drink" Intermission Report:
• EPIC NIGHT AT CLUB TOXIC IN UUUUUUUUTTTTTIIICCCCCAAAAAAA!!! (SoV, 0:15)
• And then there was the time two ladies done turned the locker room into a Fight Club arena with aggressive hair pulling and whatnot. (SoV, 0:18)
• Nerd vs. Fat Boy Bully. Who ya got? (SoV, 1:58)
• When iPhone thieves are tracked down with Find My iPhone in LaJolla. (SoV, 3:18)
• The Ooh-Rah 'Merimission Break:
• Pacquiao'd! (SoV, instantly)
• Tha Hey Ladies Remix:
• In your weekly update from the 215 vicinity, "Here's A North Philly Street Fight Video Where A Weave On The Ground Looks Like A Pooing Puppy" (SoV, instantly). Bonus Coverage: Back to the Cherry Hill Mall for a shoplifter-vs-guard scrap outside Urban Outfitters. (SoV, instantly). Bonus Coverage II: "Watch A Skater And A Driver Get Into A Cuss-Filled Showdown Near Drexel U" (SoV, just words).
• TNF Beijing correspondent Anthony Tao would like to share "How Many Chengguan Does It Take To Beat Up One Shop Owner?" (SoV, instantly)
• Shit got real after the Yo Yo Honey Singh show in Lahore, yo. (SoV, instantly)
• Drunken ladies fight on a plane. Do dah. Do dah. The male stewardesseseses (or crew) step into the fray... (SoV, instantly)
• Welcome to Texarkana Intermezzo:
• Old guys. Pool Hall. Go. (SoV, 0:38)
• Here's a bunch of kids in uniform-khaki pants doing battle on the curbways of America. (SoV, instantly)
• What is a product placement blessing for Osborne Cleaners is apparently an unwanted distraction in front of the Pizza/Deli/Check Cashing/Fine Wine joint that boasts of state-minimum liquor pricing. (SoV, instantly)
• Others: "Street fight." "Brutal Gangster Brawl in Carpark" (possible rerun). "One Punch KnockOut [StreetFight]." "Father Arrested In Bus Stop Brawl Says He Tried To Protect Kids!" "Another fight at Hammond." "Ghetto Hood Girls Brawl 2013." "Самые жестокие тюремные драки." "WALMART FIGHT - 2013." "argument on bus gets physical." "Street fight." "
Street Fight In Chiraq (Chicago) Over Twitter Beef." "Sissy Fight."
• The Gothish-Girls JC Penney's Parking Lot Coda: