The B.S. Report Report: Get It On

Julia Alvidrez, Gawker Media's operations manager, is an unabashed fan of Bill Simmons and everything Grantland. She is also an occasional reader of Deadspin. Every week, she will recap Simmons's podcast, The B.S. Report, for us.

Welcome back to The B.S. Report Report. Did you miss me? I'm sure some of you thought (or hoped) that this column had died but I've just been really busy since New Year's. So busy, in fact, that I failed to listen to any new podcasts for two whole weeks. While catching up with a friend a few days ago, I was informed that Adam Carolla did a live podcast from the Consumer Electronics Show (CES). After a little retroactive listening, I discovered that he and the Sports Guy were both in Vegas during CES. So was I. I started to cry. Maybe it was leftover emotions from CES, maybe it was the fact that the Seahawks had just been booted from the playoffs, or maybe it was the realization that I got lucky in Vegas and didn't even know it. And wait a minute, how come none of you readers gave me a heads up? No tweets, no Facebook messages, no nothing. Thanks a lot. Oh well, there's new podcasts to be heard!

On Tuesday, Grantland blessed us with Episode 2 of House Eats. Joe House joins Bill at a table full of Chinese burritos and Slippery Shrimp at Yang Chow. An hour-and-a-half of eating is cut down to about seven minutes, most of which is in slow motion. At the end, House proves what we all already know: that he is disgusting. But right before the video fades to black we get a little tease. "Next time…House vs. Cousin Sal". On the B.S. Report, Sal confirms that he and House will go head-to-head in an all out eat-off. This event is rolling in hype, so if you want to be a part of it head over to Sportsbook and place your bet (under the Exotics section). Recall that after Episode 1 of House Eats aired, we found out that Cousin Sal and House have faced off before in a contest that left no clear winner. So there's a lot more than money riding on this. Bet on House if you're a wise guy. Bet on Sal if you're a fan of the underdog.

Other highlights from this hour with Cousin Sal include a recap of the annual Fantasy Football banquet at Shakey's, some predictions about Ray Lewis, and information that will further confuse your understanding of Jodie Foster. In addition to Sal, Mike Lombardi and Chad Millman look back on the NFL divisional round and the upcoming conference championships. I like Chad Millman. He helps people like me understand sports betting. In this episode he gives a point-by-point breakdown of the Niner's-Falcons line for this weekend. Listen in for our educational Sports Guy Moment of the week (bonus, Bill acknowledges his gambling problem).

Don't worry, this week isn't entirely about football. On Tuesday, Steve Kerr joins Bill from Arizona to talk about the Miami Heat and all things NBA. Do you like basketball? Listen to this podcast. Do you like rap or the Arizona Wildcats? Watch this video of the '88 Wildcats doing a promotional rap video. Maybe the Nets should do something like this to help boost their fan base. Brooklyn loves rap (I live there, I know).

Aaron Schatz and Bill Barnwell star in this week's edition of Smart Guy Wednesdays, but as I look through my notes I can't help but skip ahead to the biggest highlight of the week. On Wednesday Bill relinquishes control of the B.S. Report to none other than Adam Carolla, who, for an hour and twenty minutes, talks to the most coherent version of Mike Tyson I've ever heard. This interview has it all: A dad who pimps and preaches, robberies gone right, beatings gone wrong, tips on how to make the most of prison, and a maid vacuuming in the background. Carolla has an extensive knowledge of boxing and is able to recall dates and names which keeps the podcast moving. In most Tyson interviews, the host just let's him talk and ramble until he eventually coasts to a stop and I coast to another channel. As is the case with all B.S. Reports, the bad words are bleeped out. But in an effort to stay true to himself, Carolla will make the uncensored version available on AdamCarolla.com on Monday. I think. Until next time, this is Julia Alvidrez for the Sports Guy, House's rotting gut, my new love Chad Millman, Mike Tyson, and Manti Te'o saying Mahalo.