Dead Letters: A Scandal That Could Destroy ESPNS

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: ESPN First Take = FRAUD ACTORS

From: Tony Assad (lastwarning6969)
To: The Staff

To whom it may concern :

I work ear biometrics for the State of Kansas. I compared Deion Sanders ears with Stephen A. Smith's, and they are the same person.

Deion isn't always in Bristol, CT as he is often at his home in TX and working for NFL Network. Nevertheless, I would assume NFL Network knows about this, and of course ESPN does. Anyhow, that would explain why Stephen A. Smith is always "via sattelite" while on FIRST TAKE... He obviously has some special understanding with ESPN about his work at his school in Dallas and work on the NFL Network.

A little background about ear biometrics. As you probably know, a person's ear is like a fingerprint. The lobe changes over time but the inner ear doesn't. You enlarge the ears and compare the inner workings with special tools and it is as accurate as a finger print.

What I am getting at, is you might want to do a deep check into Stephen A. Smith's background and I think you will find out that he is not only a FRAUD as a columnist, but he is Deion Sanders in Prosthetics (Fake nose, fake hair, and lighter stage make-up). Bottom line, that is a 100 percent match for Deion Sanders.

I have a degree in journalism, and when looking at Stephen A.'s bio, it doesn't make sense... He "Started" with a big newspaper in NYC as a COLUMNIST and then moved to the Philadelphia Enquirer. You know as well as I do you don't start as a columnist at that big of a market and you sure as hell do not start as a columnist.

My premise is that he did write for those papers, but only worked seasonaly covering the NBA primarily, and got to be a columnist that fast out of special treatment because he is Deion Sanders, who was planning for what he was going to do after his career as a football player.
Also, Skip Bayless has the exact same ears as actor John C. McGinley. They are the same person.

Skip wears some latex facial prosthetics (I did a close-up and enlarged it) when he is doing First Take, and some stage-make up, but not much more than that. I would imagine his background/ bio is a fraud too, however, I have not looked that deeply into his writing career.

Nevertheless, I am going to build a website dedicated to this (Clowning out the frauds on First Take). ESPN is obviously in on this and think it is cute having "actors" more or less do their award winning show who overexaggerate their history as "Columnists."
I would like to give this tip to you guys to have you guys look into it. There are other actors playing parts on ESPN, but at this time I just want to focus on the Skip and Stephen A. Smith angle. They are not who they say they are. Once again, they are actor John C. McGinley and athlete Deion Sanders.
Please let me know if you are going to look into this and possibly do a story on it, if not, I am going to start to build a website and dedicate it to the actors working on ESPN pretending to be Sports Journalists. I am not afraid of a lawsuit as I have gone over this with colleagues who all agree with my evidence.

Is what they are doing illegal? No. Unethical? YELL YES! I would put it in the same line as the Te'o story. And if they are going to sit up there and call everyone else a fraud, I am going to expose them for the frauds they are.
I appreciate your time and consideration, and would like to say, "congrats" on the Te'o story and all the other great stuff you do.
Regards,
Tony.

One day later...

From: Tony Assad (lastwarning6969)
To: The Staff

I have over 30 people from the ear biometrics community willing to swear that Stephen A. Smith is Deion Sanders after looking at the ear biometrics I have presented. I would suggest hiring your own expert to decide, but if I do not hear back from you by Tuesday of next week, I am going to proceed with building the site. There are also 2 other news outlets that want to interview me, but they aren't as big as you guys. I just thought this was the perfect time to clown out the frauds in sports after the Te'o and Armstrong stories coming out, but if you don't want any part of this I understand. The proof and evidence is coming out regardless.

Just a quick example... This is the 3rd week in a row that Stephen A. Smith is "via satellite" on First Take from L.A. after claiming he's "out there covering the NBA." NFL Network studios are in L.A. Deion is out there getting ready to cover the playoff games. The evidence I have goes beyond just ear biometrics. I also have a sworn statement from someone who worked for ESPN.

Thanks you

Later that day...

From: Tony Assad (lastwarning6969)
To: The Staff

Nevermind... Just got a site to cover ALL OF THIS! They are even going to interview all of us in the KS ear biometric community. Thanks for your consideration. I will have the site started by the end of Jan. and will email it to you then!

[Ed.: He has not contacted us.]

Subject: A Tip For You

From: C.J. Devine
To: The Staff

Deadspin, Here is a tip for you; . . . . . you stink ! C. J. Devine

Subject: Teo

From: Bill Rubin
To: The Staff

I never heard of Deadspin until the Teo story. After reading countless articles and hearing credible journalists interview Teo and get the facts straight, I have come to the conclusion that Deadspin is a "supermarket" type rag or like the old Enquirer from the past. You take a story and embellish it with your own thoughts...not facts, or do the famous..."from an unknown source"...LOL. I'm not a Notre Dame fan but I do like to read truthful, fact filled articles and unfortunately Deadpsin doesnt do that, they(you) choose to senationalise a story with untruths and skeptical facts.

Subject: I like Emma bcuz she looks like this girl who my girlfriend and I had a threesome with 6 times

From: Mikepants34
To: The Staff

[Ed.: no text.]

Subject: Haters Guide to Ray Lewis

From: FB
To: Drew Magary

Heeeeyyyy Drew,

i must tell you, what a wonderful piece of journalism; you are an amazing journalist, writer, and all around guy!!! Did you come up with this ignorant article all by yourself? It's amazing how you give any schmuck a voice and they go out and attack other people when they have no idea on what facts really took place. It's amazing how journalists ride such fine line between journalism and libel, but what do you know about that....

But I wonder, would you ever have the balls to tell Ray Lewis any of these ignorant comments to his face? Probably not. You're the typical guy that hides behind his articles and feels like the man once his crap is published. After all, you write for "Deadspin"; not a real news outlet, but some garbage half ass website that only stirs up controversy. Most of the crap on there is exactly that, CRAP...No validity to most of the articles, but only biased opinions by wanna-be writers.

Do us all a favor, and stop writing on anything related to the city of Baltimore, please...Go back to Pittsburgh, or Boston, or wherever the hell you're from. That article is garbage, but hey, you have a bunch of moron followers who praise you with their comments, so why stop right?

Grow a set Drewie.....

Subject: Ray Lewis

From: Tim Marsh
To: Drew Magary

Drew,
Stop picking on Ray Lewis! Old news and not interesting! Leave the man alone!

Sent from my iPad

Subject: k

From: kevin breehl
To: John Koblin

sir

you and this new era of media liberals that live to expose blatant displays of pro gay bullshit to piss off conservatives is worthless. you and your loser friends are collectively degrading your credibility resulting in a lifestyle of pure degeneration. in other words youre a loser that chooses to take out your childhood of being bullied through the liberal media.

grow up bro

-American

Subject: 9ers photo

From: Shane Jamison
To: John Koblin

John,

C'mon man. That piece was lazy journalism, pure and simple. There is nothing creative or newsworthy about it. If you were paid for this piece you should truly go donate it all to charity. Real, truly talented people are actually out of work in this country and you're on Deadspin for a shit piece about two gay dudes kissing in a bar in San Francisco? I just heard the sun rises in the east, maybe you could write about that next?

This is nothing but lazy bullshit. I hope this was a one time deal and maybe you just had a deadline looming or something because this is not creative in the least bit. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's like you're almost hiding behind your own sexuality and kicking out bullshit puff pieces like this with no fear of any sort of repercussion because *gasp* you're gay. Screw you man, you don't deserve your spot there. It's 2013, no one gives a shit about two gays kissing in a bar.

By the way, Culliver is a 20 something football player who (according to the quotes I've read) doesn't even seem to have a firm grasp on how to speak English. I'd place the over/under on his IQ at about 90 and I'd be betting the under all day long. I say that to say this; people give Culliver's opinion on societal affairs about the same amount of thought as they do when they're flushing the toilet. When Culliver loses a step and another 20 something with a better 40 time who can play man coverage better than he can shows up, he'll likely be bankrupt and living out of a cardboard box. So, you know, the knight in shining armor bullshit doesn't really apply here.

Get serious John, let's see a real piece here. You want to write about gay affairs in sports and give us something to read? Great. But fuck this hollow, sanctimonious bullshit puff piece. Get serious man.

Shane

Subject: Here's a tip: fire Drew Magray

From: Bo Turek
To: The Staff

Either you guys have become oblivious to the fact that Drew Magray is to your website what Rick Reilly is to ESPN, or you, in the vein of every other online media outlet, sold your soul in a Faustian pact with the page view devil.

We get it, dude. You're a father and a former (and current) fat loser. Now shut the fuck up about it. There's a reason your kid was born with health problems, and IT'S BECAUSE HE WAS SPAWNED FROM YOUR INFERIOR GENE POOL YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!

It doesn't take a special person to write angrily in all caps.

Thanks for your continued support of trite sports gossip.

From: Bo Turek
To: The Staff

It has recently come to my attention that I misspelled the name of a certain self-aggrandizing superdouche in my previous email. Please feel free to run the letter sic erat scriptum, should you elect to publish it. I understand that nitpicking minuscule usage errors makes for good, sporting fun when responding to reader mail. However, please also feel free to correct my mistake, as Mr. Magary seems to possess the self-esteem of a pistachio, and I'm sure even the misspelling of his name would cripple his already-deflated sense of worth.

Regards,

Bo Turek

Subject: Two Things re: QB tripe

From: Eddie Burke
To: Drew Magary

1.) Because it reinforces racist's attitudes? That really is the motivation of all of you race-obsessed morons. Your fear is not based in reality, it is based on this pathetic imagination that the grainy black & white images from 1960 are just a heartbeat away from resurfacing in today's reality. And that a majority of 300 Million Americans hold these deep seeded racist attitudes itching to rise to the surface. It is preposterous! You have a person who was deeply involved in a double murder, obstructed justice and now that he is a retiring linebacker the world fawns over him. Look at all the tattooed thuggish athletes today that are feted like royalty - where are the Willie Mays and Althea Gibsons and Gale Sayers of the world? Those athletes were accepted because they were ladies and gentleman, sportsman and great athletes. Today you have nothing but great athletes with no grace, sportsmanship or humility, yet white America still buys their jersey's and pays to see them play. Racism is regulated to a handful of people living in places I would never pass unless I was horrifically lost and without my iPhone! Your childish, race obsessed rant is laughable! The world has changed 180 degrees, yet little twerps like you try to stoke this imaginary meme that white people, coaches, etc have this vein of racism both conscious and unconscious running through their lily white souls. In short, you are a horrifically ignorant asshole.

2.) 'Cause black QB's running around is "awesome." Proves everything that I assume about you. You are a fucking child who never wore a jockstrap in your life, and fill your mind, spirit, intellect, and attitude with exclusive helpings of sports video games, Nike commercials, John Stewart, and MoveOn.org.

Go fuck yourself you race-obsessed, un-athletic little bitch.

Subject: Clearly...

From: Eddie Burke
To: Tom Ley

Millionaires make too much money, and any tax rate is justified to punish them, and alleviate the burden of a majority of workers who pay zero taxes. Now, I have no idea what type of sports writer you are, but your economic theory is crystal clear, and revolting. Obviously, you have a strong dislike for Mickelson, and seemingly, an even stronger dislike for entrepreneurial capitalism, achievement, and fairness. I am not sure why your pathetic, half-baked, radically leftist politics must find their way into a sports story, but you've now identified yourself as a direct descendent of Keith Olbermann's piss boy.

My curiosity got the best of me, a quick Google search revealed something I could have guessed: by your photo it is clear that "Ley" is not your family's real name - having Americanized it years ago. Also, from your photo, and assumed surname polishing, you have never worn a jockstrap in competitive sport. Finally, a headline about your prurient desire to photograph athlete's rods & tackle fully completes the picture.

Yes, indeed...another chosen, unathletic, whining, Brooklyn hipster who adores the thuggish, and criminal element of sport, and abhors the clean-cut & articulate because he might not be a slavish devotee of Obama, or worse, belong to a club that refuses me & my family for membership...and even refuse me the right to marry my partner.

In short, you're a weaselly punk who hates everything America and sportsmanship stand for.
Sent from my iPad

Subject: Mickelson article

From: Robert Boozer
To: Tom Ley

Nice work on that Mickelson article. You could have saved a lot of keystrokes and just said "I am jealous of people with more money than me!". The amount of money one is left with after taxes is irrelevant to the tax debate. If you had the skill set and earning power of someone like Mickelson, you wouldn't be happy with losing half of it a year either. That was as pathetic of an article as I have seen on this site, and that is saying a lot. I know we would all like to have $20-30 million left a year after taxes, but you can't put yourself in his place because you will never be there. Add to the fact that the Mickelson family donates more and raises more money in a single year than Deadspin will ever do. And as a commenter mentioned, your company uses an offshore country as its home base for the very same reasons Mickelson is looking to relocate from California.

Subject: Food Spin

From: TJ Ujazdowski
To: The Staff

As per my last email, as I have suspected, Al has passed away. May the great food gods cook him and eat him. Then they shall get horrible food poisoning from his fatty, toxic, american cheese ridden flesh. His pores are clogged with awful articles and ejaculate.

I know Al has died because only an Inuet tribe elder, who survives on whale fat, and polar bear cum would write an article this fucking awful. Its about as useful as bing crosby in a lamas class.

Are you mentally challenged? Or do you just like to make people think your totally fucking useless? Or perhaps its because you want to remain eligible for the disability benefits card you get from da goment yo, to supplement what ever the fuck these assholes pay you to write this bullshit.

Fuck me silly you hopeless keyboard rapest.

Fucking yogurt? None the less served in a plastic tube ….. really, is this what it has come to?

Listen we all know you like sucking seamen out of condoms, (hey we all do, am i right?) but to publicize your creamy packaged yogurt fetish is truly sad.

call me when you actually do some actual work, and not write your once a week article, 5 minutes before its due.

god I hope your mother knows your dead, and if your still alive, well humanity is now lost…. fuckwad

happy fucking new year cock squeeze.

your #1 fan,

-TJ Ujazdowski

Subject: Lobster

From: Beverley Silverman
To: Albert Burneko

That sure is disgusting language for a father of two!!!

Sent from my iPad

From: Albert Burneko
To: Beverley Silverman

Eh, don't get too bent out of shape about it, Bev. It's not like my kids were ever gonna learn to read, anyway.

Subject: Go-Gurt

From: Sam Myers
To: Albert Burneko

This article reminds me of detention in high school - when my coach would say "I want 500 words on life inside a ping pong ball."

I would normally criticize a piece this verbose by saying "don't say in 2500 words what you can say in 250", but this is neither funny nor informative, so that criticism does not apply.

Please go to your medicine cabinet and take your ADHD medicine before waiting people's time (I'm a father of four, so it's not that I'm a disinterested party) to publish a piece that seems like it wasn't proofread.

I hope you get out of detention soon.

Sent from my iPhone

Dead ESPN Chat Feedback

Chat with Dan Rafael, Jan. 11:

Ryan (Chicago) Did you happen to see the article Deadspin wrote about you about a month ago? I thought it was total BS.

D$ (12:51 PM) I saw it. Had factual mistakes and was filled with a lot of assumptions and stuff that was that was ridiculous. But if somebody wants to spend a lot of time writing 2000-plus words about me (without ever contacting me) so be it. I dont respect that. But I'm a target. I accept it. It goes with the territory. Whatcha gonna do? Cant please everyone and, frankly, pleasing everyone isn't my job. So whatever.

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