The Drew Magary Super Bowl Chili Recipe

Every year, I post this recipe in the Jamboroo and people seem to have good luck with it. Of course, a chili recipe is merely a suggestion. It's up to you to add your own unique signature to it. Cut-up hot dogs? Sure. Adding a hunk of seared pork butt to the cauldron, as I'm doing this year? Absolutely. White beans instead of kidney beans? Knock yourself out. Tofu instead of meat? YOU GO TO HELL. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE RECIPE.

FOR THE CHILI:
2 packs ground beef or chicken (make sure it's the fatty percentage, like 80/20. That 20% fat lets you know it's working. I'd buy 50/50 ground beef if the USDA didn't ban it.)
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 shallot, chopped (ANNUAL NOTE: Shallots are the things that make restaurant food taste like restaurant food.)
1 jalapeno, chopped (remove seeds if you're a gash)
1 large can crushed tomatoes
1 can tall red kidney beans, drained (NOTE: I know Texans don't like beans in chili. This is the part where I tell you that I don't give a flying shit about anything anyone from Texas says)
1 can corn, drained
1 can beer
1 can chicken broth
1 tsp liquid smoke
1 tsp sugar
1 tbsp fennel seed
2 tbsp cumin (add more at end if necessary)
2 tbsp chili powder (add more at end if necessary)
1/4 cup white vinegar
Salt & Pepper to taste
Ashes from a joint (optional)
Lotta Frank's Hot Sauce
2 glugs olive oil

FOR THE SIDES:
Shredded cheese
Tortilla chips
Sour cream
Frank's hot sauce
1 bunch scallions, chopped
Beer

Put a big pot on the stove on medium. Pour in the oil. When it's hot, toss in the onions, garlic, jalapeno, and shallots and stir them around until soft. Toss in the ground meat. Salt and pepper the ground meat in the pot. Sautee the meat until it's good and brown. Add the tomatoes, beans, corn, beer, broth, liquid smoke, sugar, cumin, chili powder, fennel seed, joint ashes, vinegar, and Frank's. Bring it to a simmer. Half cover the pot and leave it on low medium heat for 3-4 hours, stirring occasionally and always tasting. The liquid in the pot should reduce into a nice, thick stew. Dip in a chip to see if the chili sticks to it. If it does, it's ready to serve. I think it serves about eight. I've never really bothered to check.