Have we run out of storylines yet? Pretty much, yes. After doggedly reporting on the various verbal gaffes and screwy pronouncements emanating from the Ravens and 49ers this week, football writers turned to Colin Kaepernick and decided they needed an identifiable character trait that went beyond "new," "tattooed," and "adopted." They came up with "Belichick-ian."
Two weeks ago, the New York Post's Bart Hubbuch predicted that Colin Kaepernick wouldn't have much to say prior to the Super Bowl: "Kaepernick practically grunts one-syllable answers in his press conferences. Super Bowl Media Day is going to be absolute torture for him." Whether because he's strategically reticent, uncomfortable, or just naturally boring, we've learned one thing about Colin Kaepernick above all during his rise to prominence this season: The guy is a miserable interview. A sampling from the coverage:
Normally by this point in Super Bowl week, the players have succeeded in turning their big media stage into a big nap [...] But this year, the only one who seemed to stick to that script was San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick, whom the F.D.A. just classified as an insomnia treatment.
"Come on up, Kap," Crabtree said. "Let 'em know something."
Kaepernick shook Crabtree's hand and teasingly repeated those words: "Let 'em know something?"
He wasn't going to let us know much. Kaepernick doesn't seem to be that kind of guy. He's not Crabtree, in other words. Crabtree stood at the podium in sunglasses — it was night, and he was indoors — and he would've stayed as long as anyone wanted. Not Kaepernick, who stood there with a sheepish look on his face, his answers friendly but short, like the time he was asked which of his 17 completions was his favorite.
"I don't know," he said. "I couldn't say."
Super Bowl week has just begun and Kaepernick appears to have bought into the game plan of making zero waves until kickoff. Not only is he in the process of executing it; he's executing it perfectly [...] Kaepernick met with the media upon arrival in New Orleans and his performance was Belichick-ian in brevity and, at times, emptiness [...] Kaepernick has never been known as an open subject in an interview but he's taking the media caution to an extreme this week.
It's hard to gather much about Colin from press conferences – his answers are brief and a bit boring – but watch him with his helmet off at a game, watch him smiling and laughing with teammates and opponents, watch him taking advice from veterans on the sidelines.
— Kaepernick's childhood neighbor, in The Concord Monitor
Look at any of Belichick's recent quotes from a news conference, take away the hooded sweatshirt and replace it with a goatee and a few tattoos, and you have Colin Kaepernick. One-word answers, respect for his opponents, praise for just about every person in the locker room - Kaepernick's concise, almost-robotic responses to a flurry of questions from all sorts of media outlets have constituted a Belichick-ian performance.
And fans have noticed, too:
Colin Kaepernick has to have the most boring interviews ever.— Danielle (@PhillyBGirl) February 2, 2013
Colin Kaepernick gives the most boring interviews.— Danny Garrison (@dgarrison71) January 31, 2013
Kaepernick's interview was so boring— Sam Belcas (@SAMUEL_ADAMs93) January 29, 2013
Colin kaepernick is very boring with his media day so far.— The Planes (@TheJets_1) January 29, 2013
There you have it, folks. There will big personalities all over the field today, but what you might not realize is that even Colin Kaepernick is, uh...well...we mentioned the pet turtle?