Dead Letters: "Since I'm A Fucking Idiot I'll Keep Reading This Shit"

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: stick to sports

From: Steve Olson
To: The Staff

- please don't tell me you are going to inject a "bash a Republican" post each day. What in the world has Rubio's drink of water, have to do with sports?? No respite from leftist politics, it seems, even on your website. What's on tap for tomorrow? Palin, McCain, Bachmann… it gets really old to the 50% of your readership, that has to find a way to overlook it.

Just sayin.

Steve O.

Subject: SUE PATERNO

From: William Earley
To: The Staff

Please make sure you take a stiff broom to clean up that old harlot's face

Subject: Stay Classy

From: John Smith (deadspinsucks@aol.com)
To: Barry Petchesky

Let's Recap...

You rip Boeheim because he's pissed for dealing with an asshole reporter who crossed the line on him, wrote illogical facts about the program, and most importantly, led the charge in the Bernie Fine case against ESPN. How'd that turn out? Oh, it turns out that Fine was proven not guilty of those charges. So shame on you for defending that hack of a reporter.

Second, shame on Deadspin for continuing to spew their bullshit. Fact of the matter is you guys jumped to conclusions on the Te'o story, you openly act like the bully by attacking media members, players, and even Donald Trump.

You guys aren't journalism. No matter how much you preach, nothing will change that. Stay away from reporting these stories. Let actual journalists cover those.

Subject: [no subject]

From: Jim Gutekunst
To: Barry Petchesky

Andy Katz is an idiot just like Boeheim stated. And you must be an idiot also for defending Mr. Katz. Please,report on sports. don't bushwhack coaches under the guise of investigative reporting. Only weasels do that.... not real men or athletes. Andy Katz ... Get a life!!

Subject: [no subject]

From: Brendon Guinther
To: Isaac Rauch

Racist. Hypocrite.

Subject: HUGE TIP

From: Patrick Yolian
To: The Staff

You guys should try to write something about, you know...exciting basketball games. Like the 5-OT ND vs Louisville game or the 3-OT BOS vs DEN game.

Or you guys could just keep linking to some bullshit about the Grammy's or some Yankee exec's dog or how about some more of those stupid fucking movie reviews because FUCK i just love those things.

Are you guys trying to distance yourselves from what ESPN is doing so much that you refuse to even comment on the stories that they beat to death relentlessly? I understand that ESPN takes the same stories and runs them into the ground but you can at least MENTION those two outstanding games, which are arguably the two most exciting games of their respective seasons.

I swear you guys are resembling Grantland more and more everyday. But don't worry, since I'm a fucking idiot I'll keep reading this shit.


Hatrick Yolian

Subject: Food Spin

From: TJ Ujazdowski
To: The Staff

Well fuck me silly!

As per my last 3 emails, as I have suspected, Al B. has died. May he rest in peace, eternally subjected to reading his own articles, which for a lay person, his work is truly the work of the devil... Only the work of Damion could have written articles as boring as his....

Now lets move on to this weeks bullshit...

Hey Drew, here's a tip, If a quote in your piece takes up 75% of the total words written, you sir should be classified as a keyboard rapist...

Fuck me and call me Jamal...

Your writing teqnique is worse than a Down syndrome kid wit aids

You truly suck

Read this, full your bath tub up to the brim, get in, and toss a hair dryer into said tub.... Trust me it will let the demons out

Go eat a dick... Fuckstick

-TJ Ujazdowski

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: Loser

From: Steve Schruefer
To: Drew Magary

How come you are such a loser? Just wondering.

Sent from my iPad

Subject: Redskins

From: [field redacted because Drew's gmail is weird]
To: Drew Magary

Look, from a standpoint I could agree with you. Everybody wants to remove anything offensive to some group or another, what about the group who did the oppressing say the cowboys. Their is the oppressor and the oppressed if we should consider changing something we should agree to change something all the way for everyone. The Washington Redskins do not stand for something negative, United States is a melting pot of people's their are things that we all like or dislike we all have that right giving to us by these country's founding fathers

Sent from my iPad

Subject: Kyler

From: Kyler Arnold
To: Drew Magary

Oh Hi Drew,

I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your insightful article on "terrible" baby names. I didn't realize you were an expert in the subjective art of determining which names are "terrible" and which aren't. In my opinion, Drew is a boring, over-used and underwhelming name.

Best,
Kyler (A family name that's been around for decades, and is not Tyler switched in with a K)

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