Last night, Karl Malone went on TNT's studio show and revealed, during Charles Barkley's rather conspicuous absence, a new and disgusting fact about Barkley that somehow hadn't seen the light of day. Are you ready? Eating breakfast? Put it down, maybe: Barkley used to keep vaseline (shudder) in his belly button (full body convulsion) so he could rub it on his lips during games (vomit):
On my television, Karl Malone just revealed that Charles Barkley used to store Vaseline in his navel to apply to his lips. #cantmakethisup— Matthew Spolar (@mattspolar) February 16, 2013
Eventually the Chuckster surfaced and offered not a denial, as nearly anyone else in the world would, but a justification:
"There is nothing worse than a black man w/crusty lips"-Charles Barkley on why he kept Vaseline in his belly button.Hilarious!!! WDE! Lmao— Takeo Spikes (@TakeoSpikes51) February 16, 2013
(WDE stands for War Damn Eagle—nice that Takeo Spikes took this as an opportunity to show his Auburn pride.)
While Barkley is right that crusty lips isn't a good look for anyone, he's notably wrong that there's "nothing worse." A big fat sweaty guy in a tank top with vaseline in his belly button is worse. Way worse. No one on the bench could hold your vaseline for you?
Still, you have to admire Chuck for circumventing the much-lamented fact that jerseys don't have pockets. That's ingenuity. Nauseating, cringe-inducing ingenuity.