Kobe Bryant dished out 12 assists and scored 41 (including the game-tying three at the end of regulation) in a comeback, overtime victory against the Raptors last night—another entry in what has been, despite his team's well-documented struggles, a remarkable individual season. During the postgame, Bryant offered reporters a steely assessment of his grace under pressure:
Kobe on fear of failure: "Fear? Fear for what? Only thing I fear is bees."— Ramona Shelburne (@ramonashelburne) March 9, 2013
Kobe when asked about 'fear': "I don't f—- with bees, man. Other than that, I'm not afraid of nothing."— Dave McMenamin (@mcten) March 9, 2013
The key to defending Kobe? A constant, low buzzing noise.
Kobe: "We really shouldn't be patting each other on the back about it. We get paid to do this s—-. We're just doing our job."— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) March 9, 2013
Kobe on how much fun he's having: "This s—— ain't fun. It's fun when you win but when you're going through it, it's not fun."— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) March 9, 2013
Kobe: "Rudy (Gay) asked me if I was alright (after headbut) and I took offense to it. Don't ask me if I'm OK. Seriously? That's an insult."— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) March 9, 2013
Kobe: "Vino...I was punch drunk tonight (hey oh!)... Zinger!"— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) March 9, 2013
Kobe: "Vino was pouring it on tonight... How many of these cheesy one-liners can I come up with? What the hell."— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) March 9, 2013
Naturally, after a tired Bryant finished performing his usual song and dance for the press, he went home, soaked in an ice tub, and considered the almost unbearable pressure of...wait, no. More puns:
The most likable new personality to emerge from the 2012-2013 NBA season is that of a 34-year old who spent much of his career developing a reputation as a taciturn asshole. Nothing makes sense anymore.