Google Translating World Baseball Classic Coverage: "The Shortstop, Jimmy Rollins Hit Embazó With The Forest Law"

Last night, the U.S. played its first game in this year's World Baseball Classic, and we learned a number of things: 1. America's official language is English, 2. The best the U.S. can do for an ace in an international competition is a kuckle-balling 38-year old, and 3. "With people on the pads, Luis Cruz drove the race of the pool with high and Gonzalez was responsible for bringing the second goal at the plate on a grounder to the box."

That last lesson comes from this Google translation—the only kind of translation we'll ever need, thanks to the wonders of technology—of the game coverage on El Universal's Central Deportiva. We will quote it in all its magical realist glory, because it's great:

Mexico washes his face with water and pulls us back glory to the creators of King of Sports. The Mexican team backed by an excellent performance from their pitchers and field players defeated 5-1 to the United States to resume the step in the 2013 World Baseball Classic . tucked behind a whole stadium full of Mexicans, who heads the ninth manager Rick Renteria , forgot the defeat suffered last Thursday and focused on the meeting last night which meant getting the second win on the U.S. Mexico in a World Baseball Classic. Adrián 'Titan' Gonzalez and his wrists were commissioned to erase part of Mischief his brother Edgar did in the game against Italy, to promote three of the races that got the selection, two of them with a homer that sparked the joy of tricolor fans gathered at Chase Field Stadium. Gonzalez used a starter Butterflies RA Dickey and took with Eduardo 'Mosco' Arredondo, who helped to lead the work of Mexican pitching was led by its rotation ace, Yovani Gallardo . timely homer Shadow of jerked from the first batter. Opened Arredondo singled to center. Ramiro Pena, one of the players who followed him more power with a double to right. With people on the pads, Luis Cruz drove the race of the pool with high and Gonzalez was responsible for bringing the second goal at the plate on a grounder to the box. Gallardo, worked three innings on the mound in the third that allowed two hits, one run, walked one and struck out four for the victory. U.S. bombers that much of an impact have been submitted by the Mexican artillery, pressed into the bottom of the fourth roll. The shortstop, Jimmy Rollins hit embazó with the forest law. David Wright led him to the right lies. An inning later, with sacrifice of Luis Cruz, Mexico again add a hairline in Mosco spikes Arredondo, who went 5-3. The ninth of the Stars and Stripes again hitting in the eighth with RBI first baseman Eric Hosmer. Ryan Braun was the one who scored for the American cause. The knuckleballer RA Dickey took the loss custro innings of work n where allowed six hits, four runs and eliminated two strikeouts.

Yeah, so, "Adrián 'Titan' Gonzalez and his wrists were commissioned to erase part of Mischief his brother Edgar did in the game against Italy." Any questions?

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Noche mexicana en Phoenix [El Universal]