Jameis Winston's Status Revised, Now Suspended For Entire Clemson Game

Florida State's administration suspended Jameis Winston for the first half of tomorrow's Clemson game earlier this week after engaging in the public execution of a meme. Now, after having time to think about it, interim FSU president Garnett Stokes and AD Stan Wilcox have decided to bench the Heisman winner for the… » 9/19/14 11:29pm Yesterday 11:29pm

Cops Say Rex Chapman Ripped Off An Apple Store To The Tune Of $14,000

Police say former NBA player and executive Rex Chapman is responsible for a string of thefts from an Arizona Apple Store totaling more than $14,000. » 9/19/14 8:17pm Yesterday 8:17pm

ESPN: Rice Believes Ravens Owner Tried To Bribe Him In Coverup Attempt

ESPN's Outside The Lines just dropped a doozy of a story about the handling of the Ray Rice domestic violence incident. It's a long and thoroughly reported piece, centering mainly on the Ravens' end of the investigation, but the big bullet points are these: Baltimore Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, president Dick Cass,… » 9/19/14 6:46pm Yesterday 6:46pm

NFL Lifts Dion Jordan's 4-Game Suspension, Suspends Him 4 More Games

Back in July, the NFL suspended Dolphins defensive end Dion Jordan four games for taking "banned stimulants" that violated the league's performance-enhancing substance policy. Good news! The league lifted Jordan's ban today, after two games. Bad news! The NFL suspended Jordan four more games. » 9/19/14 5:24pm Yesterday 5:24pm

New Footage Proves Zlatan Ibrahimović Has Been Stuntin' Since Birth

Children sometimes have difficulty understanding the origins of God. How, if He was never born, did he emerge fully formed from nothing? Now, thanks to this previously unreleased footage of Zlatan Ibrahimović in his early years, we now have the perfect explanatory analogy. » 9/19/14 5:05pm Yesterday 5:05pm

Manchester United's Luke Shaw Is The Next Gareth Bale, Even If He's Not

This summer, Manchester United bought left back Luke Shaw from Southampton for £30 million. Luke Shaw is 19 years old. If you're not familiar with soccer's transfer fees, that is a staggering amount of money for a teenager. It's more than the fee paid for Wayne Rooney, another English talent of great ability and the… » 9/19/14 4:38pm Yesterday 4:38pm

Goodell: I Suck At My Job. Now Trust Me.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, from whom we hadn't heard in quite some time, addressed the media just now, first reading a long, boring statement and then spending a bit more than a half-hour saying nothing whatever of substance in answering questions from reporters. The general impression he gave was of a badly… » 9/19/14 4:22pm Yesterday 4:22pm

The Badass-Action-Hero Rebirth Of Liam Neeson

Does anybody else remember when Liam Neeson was kind of a wimp? It might seem strange, now that he spends every movie beating up everyone in sight (and inspiring a particularly wonderful Key & Peele sketch: "He straight jacked up them wolves!"), but when Neeson was younger—and presumably stronger and better at… » 9/19/14 4:10pm Yesterday 4:10pm

Cheerlessly, Asian Games Begin

The Olympic-style Asian Games open today in Incheon, South Korea, providing a flag-spangled stage on which to celebrate the universal sport of politics. North Korea has reestablished its dominance in this arena by first deploying, then withdrawing, their newest weapon—feminine charm. » 9/19/14 3:05pm Yesterday 3:05pm

If You Build It, Football Snacking Dominance Will Come

Football is in the air, on TV, and on your mind. But football season is about more than cheering yourself hoarse every Sunday — it's also about taking your eating skills to the next level. So this year, go big by taking on the granddaddy of all football snack challenges: the snack stadium. » 9/19/14 11:59am Yesterday 11:59am