Do You Know These Runners? Because They're Probably Bastards.

Everyone wanted to be in the Boston Marathon this year, and the race actually expanded its field by more than a third, to 36,000, to accommodate everybody. But it still sold out, and then there's that pesky detail of having to pay. So four runners decided they'd find alternative means of entry, claiming finishing… » 4/24/14 4:41pm Today 4:41pm

Oscar Robertson Is Right About Carmelo And The Knicks

Oscar Robertson, who is the highest order of NBA great and disagreeable sumbitch, went on SiriusXM NBA radio today and said that Carmelo Anthony should definitely leave the Knicks. There are a number of reasons why Melo should or should not leave New York, but Oscar actually hit a big one square in the face. » 4/24/14 4:27pm Today 4:27pm

Barack Obama, Human President, Plays Robot Soccer

The President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, earlier today engaged in a brief session of athletic play-activity with an ASIMO robot unit. Although the president's preferred athletic play-activity is the American sport of basketball, he adjusted his expectations to meet the ASIMO's current… » 4/24/14 4:25pm Today 4:25pm

WFAN Just Obliterated Mike Francesa's Most Effective Marketer

WFAN Audio, the internet's largest repository of Mike Francesa clips, was decimated today, as WFAN/CBS issued takedown notices on hundreds of YouTube videos. This is only notable to that small subset of the population who cares what Francesa's up to, but that's kind of the point—even fewer people are going to care… » 4/24/14 4:05pm Today 4:05pm

Insane Handbook: Bills Cheerleaders Are Told How To Wash Their Vaginas

There are a few things you need to know if you want to be a successful Buffalo Bills cheerleader. "When menstruating, use a product that [sic] right for your menstrual flow," reads the "General hygiene & lady body maintenance" section of the handbook given to cheerleaders, known as the Jills. "A tampon too big can irritate… » 4/24/14 3:49pm Today 3:49pm

Press Release Touting Newer, Hipper Ronald McDonald Is Batshit Crazy

Ohhhhh, Darren Rovell. Oh, you picked the wrong day to be suspended from Twitter, amigo. Because McDonald's just issued a press release for a fully redesigned Ronald McDonald, and it is fucking nutty. They don't even bother trying to sound human. They went the full Poochie. Let's take a look. » 4/24/14 3:27pm Today 3:27pm

Original Script For Controversial Game Of Thrones Scene Very Different

There has been a lot of controversy surrounding the rape scene from the latest episode of Game of Thrones, in part because it deviated so dramatically from the way it was depicted in the book. Thanks to Dan Abromowitz and HappyPlace, we now know that the original script had the scene playing out very differently. » 4/24/14 2:46pm Today 2:46pm

The Cubs' 400-Pound Wrigley Cake Is Sitting In A Dumpster Right Now

To celebrate Wrigley Field's 100th birthday yesterday, the Cubs commissioned "The Edible Confines," a 5'x5', 400-pound cake version of Wrigley. It took four bakers six days to make. It took one day to be unceremoniously trashed, much like a century's worth of Cubs fans' hopes and dreams. » 4/24/14 2:31pm Today 2:31pm

Awful Man Snatches Souvenir Baseball Away From Little Kid

Perhaps there will come a day when adults will stop stealing baseballs away from kids, but this is not that day. This dude right here is shameless, and has obviously never consulted this handy chart. Behavior like this is only acceptable if you are stealing a ball from this awful Australian kid. » 4/24/14 1:34pm Today 1:34pm

Pine Tar Should Be Fully Legal, And Baseball Is Still Fucking Insane

As you might know, Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda got booted from a game last night for rocking a swatch of pine tar on the back of his neck, in full view of everyone. The weird thing is that it wasn't the fact that Pineda used pine tar that got everyone pissy, but the fact that he did it so blatantly, at least… » 4/24/14 12:14pm Today 12:14pm

Here's How To Enjoy The Playoffs When Your Team's Season Is Over

When the Novocain of March Madness wears off, a significant portion of basketball fans will be left facing the painful reality that their pro team's season is over. Fear not, fans! Embracing a multitude of teams and narratives is now a perfectly acceptable alternative to the tribalism of yesteryear. If your team is on… » 4/24/14 11:59am Today 11:59am

Insane Handbook: Bills Cheerleaders Are Told How To Wash Their Vaginas

There are a few things you need to know if you want to be a successful Buffalo Bills cheerleader. "When menstruating, use a product that [sic] right for your menstrual flow," reads the "General hygiene & lady body maintenance" section of the handbook given to cheerleaders, known as the Jills. "A tampon too big can irritate… » 4/24/14 3:49pm Today 3:49pm