New Footage Proves Zlatan Ibrahimović Has Been Stuntin' Since Birth

Children sometimes have difficulty understanding the origins of God. How, if He was never born, did he emerge fully formed from nothing? Now, thanks to this previously unreleased footage of Zlatan Ibrahimović in his early years, we now have the perfect explanatory analogy. » 9/19/14 5:05pm 11 minutes ago

Manchester United's Luke Shaw Is The Next Gareth Bale, Even If He's Not

This summer, Manchester United bought left back Luke Shaw from Southampton for £30 million. Luke Shaw is 19 years old. If you're not familiar with soccer's transfer fees, that is a staggering amount of money for a teenager. It's more than the fee paid for Wayne Rooney, another English talent of great ability and the… » 9/19/14 4:38pm 37 minutes ago

Goodell: I Suck At My Job. Now Trust Me.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, from whom we hadn't heard in quite some time, addressed the media just now, first reading a long, boring statement and then spending a bit more than a half-hour saying nothing whatever of substance in answering questions from reporters. The general impression he gave was of a badly… » 9/19/14 4:22pm 54 minutes ago

The Badass-Action-Hero Rebirth Of Liam Neeson

Does anybody else remember when Liam Neeson was kind of a wimp? It might seem strange, now that he spends every movie beating up everyone in sight (and inspiring a particularly wonderful Key & Peele sketch: "He straight jacked up them wolves!"), but when Neeson was younger—and presumably stronger and better at… » 9/19/14 4:10pm Today 4:10pm

Cheerlessly, Asian Games Begin

The Olympic-style Asian Games open today in Incheon, South Korea, providing a flag-spangled stage on which to celebrate the universal sport of politics. North Korea has reestablished its dominance in this arena by first deploying, then withdrawing, their newest weapon—feminine charm. » 9/19/14 3:05pm Today 3:05pm

Though It Seems Crazy Now, the Neutron Bomb Was Intended to Be Humane

Until the day he died, physicist Samuel Cohen declared that his invention, the neutron bomb, was a "moral" and "sane" weapon that would kill enemy combatants, while sparing civilians and cities. But, despite the support of fans like Ronald Reagan, this weapon of not-as-much mass destruction proved to be a hard sell. » 9/19/14 2:54pm Today 2:54pm

21st Amendment's Bitter American Does Low-Alcohol Beer Proud

Welcome to the first Drunkspin Sub-Five-Percent Friday! And maybe the last, because who knows if we'll manage the schedule properly, but the idea is to showcase a different lower-alcohol beer each week, to help shoo you into the weekend with a blueprint for maintaining a respectable 48-hour buzz. » 9/19/14 2:28pm Today 2:28pm

NFL Loses Corporate Partner For Breast Cancer Awareness Week

It seems that of the toxicity of Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson has finally seeped its way into the NFL at large. According to CBS Sports, manufacturing behemoth Procter & Gamble has pulled out of an upcoming partnership with the NFL for Breast Cancer Awareness Week. » 9/19/14 12:47pm Today 12:47pm

Real Madrid President: I'm Stupid, Not Crooked

It's maybe a little disconcerting when the president of the richest club in the world—the brains behind all significant player transfers coming in and out, a man so determined to fulfill his dream of a star-studded lineup that he'll jettison the one player that makes his team work in favor of a bigger name that… » 9/19/14 12:13pm Today 12:13pm

If You Build It, Football Snacking Dominance Will Come

Football is in the air, on TV, and on your mind. But football season is about more than cheering yourself hoarse every Sunday — it's also about taking your eating skills to the next level. So this year, go big by taking on the granddaddy of all football snack challenges: the snack stadium. » 9/19/14 11:59am Today 11:59am