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Tom Brady Lied And Killed Babies With His Lies

It’s the day after the NFL’s bombshell revelation—all revelations must be BOMBSHELL—that Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone before NFL investigators could get their hands on it and use it to expose his plots. But he destroyed more than just his cell phone that day, fair reader … HE DESTROYED OUR NATIONAL INNOCENCE. » 7/29/15 4:31pm 44 minutes ago

'Fuck Moving On': Talking to Fallon Fox About Fair Fights, Ronda Rousey

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When Caitlyn Jenner accepted the Arthur Ashe Courage Award earlier this month at the 2015 ESPYs, she spoke eloquently about supporting young trans athletes so they can compete “as who they really are.” Facing a theatre full of athletic stars, Jenner declared, “Trans people deserve something vital: They deserve your… » 7/29/15 4:29pm 46 minutes ago

Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too can answer a… » 7/29/15 4:05pm Today 4:05pm

Accused Neck Puncher Miguel Herrera Fired From Mexico Job

Yeah, this was always going to happen. A couple days after a journalist alleged that Mexico manager Miguel Herrera ran up on him in an airport and punched him in the neck immediately following Mexico’s victory in the Gold Cup final, Herrera has officially been fired.http://screamer.deadspin.com/mexican-nation... » 7/29/15 3:10pm Today 3:10pm

Rich People Are Using Cryotherapy To Freeze Themselves Skinny

If I told you you could stand in a tube of cold air for a few minutes to lose weight and be in the best shape of your life would you do it? Are you a rich dummy? Did you answer “yes” to both of the previous questions? Then allow me to introduce you to cryotherapy, a new sci-fi method of freezing off calories and… » 7/29/15 2:41pm Today 2:41pm

Vin Baker's Training To Manage A Starbucks

Vin Baker had a lengthy career in the NBA, but financially, he has nothing to show for it. Because of alcoholism, bad investments, and friends and family using him, Baker ended up in the gutter with almost no money. The current-day Baker is in better shape; the Providence Journal found him training to become a manager… » 7/29/15 1:55pm Today 1:55pm

How To Get A Cheap Motorcycle And Not Crash It

The problem is, most things are Good in inverse proportion to the degree to which they’re Fun. Broccoli is Good; Bacon is Fun. Taxes are Good; Casinos are Fun. Gyms are Good; Bars are Fun. You get the picture. But assuming, as I do, that all of us must live at least a little, few things are less Good and more Fun than… » 7/29/15 12:57pm Today 12:57pm

The Nationals Are Kind Of Boning Drew Storen

The Washington Nationals just made a trade that should help fix their biggest weakness—the back end of the bullpen—by bringing in Jonathan Papelbon to be the new closer. Papelbon will take the job from current closer Drew Storen, who will slide into a set-up role and give the Nats a great 1-2 punch at the end of… » 7/29/15 11:36am Today 11:36am

Cleancast: Ever Wondered How Gross Restaurants Really Are?

So ... have you? Do you wonder if restaurant employees are actually washing their hands after using the restroom? Does the thought of trichinosis send you into an emotional spiral? My guest this week on the official Ask a Clean Person podcast is Daniel Gritzer, the culinary director at Serious Eats, who joined me to… » 7/29/15 11:03am Today 11:03am

Report: NFL Would've Halved Suspension If Tom Brady Admitted Guilt

The only thing we know about Ballghazi with any degree of certainty is what will happen next: Roger Goodell’s decision will be challenged in court. The NFLPA has announced its intention to sue—with Tom Brady’s backing—likely in a Minnesota federal court, where Judge David Doty has a history of pro-player rulings. The… » 7/29/15 10:20am Today 10:20am