What you're about to read is a stupid story about people being stupid with one another on the internet. Somehow, we're not involved (only we sort of are). It's stupid, and there are no lessons to be drawn except that there are days when the internet seems like nothing so much as a roomful of gibbons pounding on each other's inflamed testicles. Please try to follow along.
On Friday, Chipper Jones tweeted something innocuous about the Michigan-Kansas game. Pete Gaines, a Kansas Jayhawks fan who was briefly a comment moderator and weekend writer on Deadspin, tweeted a mean and stupid thing at Chipper Jones. Chipper Jones tweeted meaner and stupider things in response, dragging us into this, as well, and inspiring his Twitter followers to descend on Pete (and us) like a flock of idiot Bieberites.
Pete recapped the whole affair for The Classical yesterday in a story entitled "Cyberbullied By Chipper Jones":
But I guess what I’m saying, after Chipper Jones went on an hours-long invective jag against me—my literacy and my jealousy, my height, my (lack of) hair, my weight, the appearance of my fiancée (a professional sportswriter, no less) and my sexuality—is this: Chipper Jones himself has done more, personally and recently, to confirm these second- and third-hand stories about him than I would ever have thought possible.
We figured it would only be fair to turn to get Chipper's take on the matter, so we tried Chipper's longtime agent, B.B. Abbott, and asked him about it. "Cyberbullied by Pete Gaines," was our thought. Abbott sounded tickled at first, but eventually wrote back with this message:
Chipper wants to just drop it with this guy. Obviously, doing this would just cast additional light and notoriety on him. That is not something Chipper wants to do. Thanks for reaching out. Best of luck with the website.
Earlier this afternoon, "the website" noticed that Chipper does not seem to "want to drop it with this guy." Chipper, in fact, is quite willfully "casting additional light and notoriety" on Pete Gaines and (by wrongful association) Deadspin today:
Amazing! Being accused of cyber bullying? Deadspinners can dish it but can't take it. They accuse me of roids and they say I'm bullying???— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) April 2, 2013
What a crock! Open ur mouth and suffer the consequences little boys. Ur mad bcuz ur big mouths turned the masses against u. Deal with it!— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) April 2, 2013
Here's a noble idea, report the truth and stop running a gossip column. Stop being shock jocks and smear peoples name. Boo-freakin-hoo!— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) April 2, 2013
I will not address these losers again, ever! There r 2 many other loyal followers that deserve my time and that is what I will focus on. Cya— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) April 2, 2013
So that about closes the book on this one. Let's recap, OK? Pete Gaines: dick. Chipper Jones: dick. Deadspin: innocent in this instance, but dicks in all others. The world is now a dumber, darker place. The end.