Screencap via YouTube

Earlier this afternoon, I solicited pitches for blogs that you wanted me to write.

Here are those blogs.

Write About Your Master Plan To Lose Your Virginity

I will never “have sex,” thus allowing me to preserve my chi and keep my life force intact. Like Sage Northcutt.

Why The Kings Will Win The Title This Year

Fox Sports says (I think; I didn’t watch the videos) that the L.A. Kings were good last year, and they have never ever led us astray, so yeah, the Kings got this.

Write A Blog About That Horse

Sometimes I go running on the horse trails. When someone on a horse sees me they say, in an extremely Horse People voice, “These trails are for horses ONLY!

Kelly Conaboy Is The Best

Kelly helped me harass a smarmy media reporter after the Deadspin Awards, so she’s fine by me.

Why The Modern Olympics Should Include 12-Hour Long Epic Poetry Competitions, Just Like The Ancient Greeks Did

They shouldn’t.

An Ode To Samer

Samer is the Gawker Media staffer who most often sends me pictures of dogs.

Most Websites Are Bad

Here is the complete list of websites I think are good; poorquentyn.tumblr.com, horseandhound.co.uk, kotaku.com, theradavist.com, fittish.deadspin.com, and steephill.tv.

Why Deadspin Should Actually Just Cover Popular European Sports Like Soccer And Cycling

We shouldn’t.

Write About The Time You Twittersourced Ideas/Pitches, And They Were All Uniformly Terrible (Including This One)

Okay.

My Friend’s Podcast Is Awesome

My friend Kalen produces the world’s least-updated podcast. It’s about tea and he puts out a new show like every four months.

Photos Of Everyone On Staff In High School

I didn’t really feel like doing that, so here’s a photo of the European contingent of the 2002-2003 Sacramento Kings.

Photo credit: Rich Pedroncelli/AP Images

Rank All The Gawker Blogs

Current Gawker blogs, ranked in alphabetical order: Deadspin, Gawker, Gizmodo, Jalopnik, Jezebel, Kotaku, Lifehacker

Cal Is The Best School Of All Of The Schools; All Other Schools, Jokers

During my junior year of college, someone snuck into the tunnel system that threads beneath our campus and stole a bunch of copper piping. The next day, because of the missing pipes, there was a bigass explosion and they shut campus down. This is, maybe, the only bad thing that’s ever happened to Berkeley.

Dogs In Bars

They’re good, as long as they don’t do a crap.

What Is The Funniest Thing You Ever Saw In Real Life? One Time I Saw A Bridesmaid Slip On A Banana Peel

I saw this happen in real time and it was the funniest thing I’ve seen.

Deadspin Writers, Ranked

Jason is clearly trying to poach my job, in search of a platform from which to give his (admittedly very good) Jets takes.

Icing Your Bros

Whenever I think about Richard Jefferson, I think about him getting iced by a fan at some nice restaurant and chugging the whole thing on the spot. I can’t find the photo, but hopefully this 2010 RealGM thread convinces you it was real.

Actually, Vlade Divac Is Good

He’s fine.

I Am Handsome, Please Validate Me

Nah.

Blogging And Your Family

I tried to get my water polo enthusiast brother to write us a water polo blog before the Olympics and he never filed it.