Well, they're both Spanish, for one. And that's all I've got. But for whatever reason, they make L.A.'s unlikeliest couple since O.J. and Nicole Carter and Lee Shaq and Kobe Khloe and Lamar.

When Gasol was traded from Memphis, Domingo pushed the L.A. Opera company to reach out to the big man and make him feel welcome. Now Domingo regularly attends Laker games, and Gasol goes to the opera (even when Domingo isn't performing).

I admire him a lot for his devotion and the passion that he dedicates," Gasol said of Domingo, adding that the tenor has put a positive face on Spain and is now doing the same for Los Angeles.

Domingo, for his part, suggested a parallel between his and Gasol's chosen vocations.

"A team like the Lakers, all the team plays hard, because they know they are the best, at this moment, they are the champions, no?" he said. "The same comparison is that when you are in an important position within the world of music, well, all the world hopes for the best. That is to say, the people don't come if they are not content. It's the same level. When you have the responsibility, at this height, you have to work very hard to give it."

I'm still waiting for the Times' story on Ron Artest's friendship with the late Wesley Willis.

The Lakers' Pau Gasol Gets An Opera Assist From Placido Domingo [LA Times]

A warning: I may not have the heart to give this the attention it doesn't deserve. But I'll try my best in solidarity with my brothers across the Hudson.

9:51: And we have 0-18. That'll be it for this miserable live blog. "An imperfect storm," says Ian Eagle, perhaps misunderstanding the meaning of imperfect. What's the opposite of undefeated? "Defeated?" Yeah, that sounds about right.

9:50: 30 seconds left, and a pretty substantial cascade of boos comes down from the crowd. Not being facetious when I say "at least they care."

9:48: And we've reached the point of the game where the commentators are going over their lists of past broadcast partners they enjoyed working with more than each other.

9:47: Jason Kidd hits the bench with 16 points, 8 rebounds, 10 assists, and 5 steals. I know all other things aren't equal, but Devin Harris's corresponding numbers are 17, 1, 3 and 2.

9:45: It's an 18-point game with 3:10 left. At this point I'm just praying that Jersey doesn't make it close enough to make it worth fouling.

9:41: My will is flagging. Nets fans, is it like this every night? It's one thing to be bad, but something else entirely to be boring. The pieces look like they're there, and in a few years with a few good moves this franchise could be right back at the top, but right now, this is torture to watch.

9:38: I've never seen a team miss so consistently those just-for-fun shots after play stops.

9:35: Nets close the lead to 16, and their fan goes wild.

9:25: It occurs to me that the Nets have a very winnable game against the Bobcats on Friday, and could break their streak by moving to 1-18; the inverse of the greatest streak breaker in history.

9:21: It's 105-78 at the end of the third quarter. If we ignore that whole 49-point outburst in the second, these two teams look evenly matched. And if we ignore the previous 17 games, New Jersey is undefeated this year.

9:15: Sean Williams goaltends by hanging on the rim when Dirk was shooting, for some reason. Next time down the court, the Nets fail to get a shot off in their 24 seconds.

9:12:The Nets are making a run! They're within 20. Highly disappointed with this development, Rick Carlisle calls a timeout to make his players think about what they've done.

9:11: The Nets are averaging 86 points a game. Dallas scored 88 with 7:26 left in the third quarter.

9:08: Some astounding numbers from midway through the third: the Mavs are shooting 72% from the floor, and slightly better from beyond the arc.

9:05: Announcer: "Kiki Vandeweghe probably is the best shooter associated with the Nets." Honestly, put him in! If you're going to fail, at least sell tickets while you do it.

9:03: Erick Dampier goes for a put-back, lands, sets himself, and jumps again to tip in his own shot, all while three Nets defenders stand by and watch.

8:55: Oh no! Noelle is being kicked off So You Think You Can Dance! Also, probably the Nets are doing something poorly, why not.

8:53: And, we're back. Dirk hits an unguarded 25-footer. Lovely.

8:50: Let's see what's going on with the Knicks...oh, down 21. When's baseball season again?

8:48Jason Kidd and Kenyon Martin both ripped Bruce Ratner this week for caring more about real estate than the Nets. It's hard to blame him; the difference is, people expect the real estate market to rebound eventually.

8:43: Poor Nancy Newman doing the around-the-NBA highlights at the half can't keep a tinge of jealousy out of her voice every time some other team goes something good. Sad, really.

8:37: And it's halftime, with the Mavs up 77-50. It's a pattern; NJ was down 25 at the half to the Lakers on Sunday when they had a chance to avoid tying the record. "Did they give up already?" asks one non-sports-fan friend. "Maybe they just get tired easily," opines the girlfriend. I opt for all of the above.

8:33: The Muppets are singing at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting. Best sixth man: Bobby Simmons, or Rizzo the Rat?

8:30: I look up, and it's a 20-point game. When did this happen?

8:27: Spectacular ball movement by the Nets had the Mavs totally off balance, culminating in a missed 7-footer. Dirk promptly nails a three-pointer on the other end. Story of the season.

8:21: Dallas is up 48-39. It's like a child torturing a spider, pulling out the legs one at a time. The damn thing keeps wiggling, but you're just waiting for the moment when the child gets tired of the game and squishes it.

8:17: My girlfriend has put on "So You Think You Can Dance." I barely brought myself to care enough to ask her to turn it back.

8:13: The Nets' highest paid player, Bobby Simmons, has a name that makes him sound like a fat, older white guy who works at your office. He's also averaging less than 20 minutes per game.

8:07: And after a quarter, we're tied up at 28. It's the most points the Nets have scored in the first quarter all year. If these teams stay on the same pace...they'll be forever tied and we'll have infinite overtimes.

8:04: Terrence Williams with a monster dunk on a breakaway. This team has a good amount of talent, or at least not an 0-17 lack of talent. But, much like my fantasy football team, barely falling short time after time will still count as a string of losses. I'm not bitter.

8:01: The mic picks up that same damn kid, screaming "airball" at the top of his lungs. Urge to kill...rising.

7:57: Nets on an 8-0 run to tie the game at 19. I know it's early, but if the Nets pull this out, where does this rank with the greatest wins of all time? Higher than the Miracle on Ice? Upset beating Man O'War?

7:51: 6:25 left in the 1st, Mavs up 17-9. Hollinger says statistically, the T-Wolves are worse than the Nets, but as a liveblog is rapidly teaching me, sometimes you have to watch the games to see how hapless a team is.

7:48: The announcers stumble over Rodrigue Beaubois's name, leading to some French jokes culminating with "Do you like croissants?" Not sure how that's any less offensive than the Hamed Haddadi jokes.

7:46: As Kidd shoots a pair of free throws, the crowd mic picks up a child booing at the top of his lungs. Darn kids, no sense of their team's storied history.

7:42: And Jason Kidd hits the three. Told you.

7:42: Nets win the tip! And score on the first possession! This will likely be the only win, and only lead tonight.

7:39: To a man, the Nets say the record's not important. Then why is every question asked about the record?

7:35: Poor Tom Barrise. Kiki Vandeweghe takes over as coach tomorrow, so Barrise's only two games as an NBA coach are record-tying and -setting losses.

7:30: Nice little package to start the YES Network broadcast, complete with dramatic music. We're a part of history here, folks.

7:25: They're going with the same lineup tonight. Got to dance with the one what brought you, I suppose.

So chew on that for a while and trudge through the outrage if you want to and then decide for yourself if it's really worth getting angry over or that, possibly, sometimes made-up trend-pieces are just made-up trend pieces and not anthropological studies meant to advance any conversation. "Cock loitering" is the new "lamestain," really.

And now we'll go back to talking about the unfolding melodrama in the golf world, where Jesper Parnevik, matchmaker for Elin and Tiger, has gone to the mattresses against the cooze-hounding bastard.

"I would be especially sad about it since I'm kind of — I feel really sorry for Elin — since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him," Parnevik said. "We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."

One person guaranteed to not react so harshly against, Tiger? Whitlock. Pussy Galore and Strange 'Tang shall rise again tomorrow.

PHOTO: Star

****

Thanks for your continued support of TigerSpin. Barry Petchesky will shine the light on you in a few.

Reader John H. alerted us to the columns. Let's compare:

2007: When I was a sophomore in college, working on the town newspaper, a professor took me aside and said, "You need to get out of sports. You're better than sports."

2009: When I was a college sophomore and just starting to write for the Boulder sports section, my journalism professor edged me aside, looked me in the eye and said, "You're better than sports."

2007: There's no back door in. If you're Aaron Spelling's daughter and you want to act, you get to act. If you're a Trump, you get to build. But nobody in sports makes it onto the field because he caught a lucky sperm. Jose and Ozzie Canseco were identical twins. Jose played 1,887 major league games. Ozzie played 24. And sports doesn't care how you did last month, either. If you're Derek Jeter and you stop hitting, it doesn't matter how many Visa commercials you've done, you're toast. And yet Flavor Flav still puts out CDs.

2009: Sports is real. It can't be faked. If you're Henry Fonda's son and you want to act, you get to act. If you're Chelsea Clinton and want to govern, you get to govern. But just because you're Nolan Ryan's son doesn't mean you get to pitch in the Show. Money, family, looks mean diddly in sports. If Tom Brady suddenly can't throw the 30-yard out, he's benched, dimple or no dimple.

2007:Sports is a way in. One of the best e-mails I ever got was from a 25-year-old: "Thanks for writing what you did about the Red Sox. It's the first time I've been able to talk to my dad in five years."

2009: Sports is Oprah for guys. I knew a Boston dad and son who hadn't spoken in five years. Some disagreement that just grew too big to see around. But when the Red Sox won it all in 2004, the son came home. They hugged and cried and laughed, and if you think it was about baseball, you don't know men.

2007: Sports isn't an escape from life-it's woven into the fabric of it.

2009: Sports is woven deeper into American life than you know.

2007: It's black and white, there's no gray area. Every night there's a winner and there's a loser and nothing in between. There's no waiting to see the third-quarter fiscal report. It's open to zero interpretation. I've never been to a game yet where, at the end, the ref announced, "O.K., Cleveland won 14—13, but the Cleveland coach was blocking his deep-seated childhood need for validation. So, actually, Buffalo is the winner." There's a score and it's fair and clean and easy to understand. Except for figure skating, of course.

2009: Sports has no gray areas. It's black or white, win or lose, hero or goat. Nobody has to form a committee to figure it out. Not true in dance or art. Who was better, head to head, Matisse or Monet? If it were sports, we'd know. (Matisse, 13-8.)

2007: So bite me, professor. Thirty years later, I still don't think I'm better than sports. In fact it's been the other way around the whole time.

2009: So here's to you, professor. I'm glad to know I'm not better than sports. But you did show me I'm better than one thing: advice from professors.

I'd point out here that Reilly was paid a "ridonkulous" amount of money to write a weekly column, and that he is that rare columnist who can write about whatever he wants, and that with so much freedom, it's absurd that he nonetheless chooses to repurpose some two-year-old piece of hackwork — I'd say all that except that, well, we'd just be plagiarizing ourselves.

Why I love my job [ESPN]
It Isn't Just A Game [Sports Illustrated]

In other Tiger Woods news:

• The Smoking Gun has some of the golf club/hydrant-damaged SUV police shots. Included in their pile is this odd one with John Gribbon's "Get A Grip On Physics" book on the seat. [The Smoking Gun]

• A closer look at the new woman, Kalika Moquin, who is another brown-haired night club type. [Las Vegas Sun]

• Time magazine ponders if Tiger's image will be hurt by all these side-project revelations. Only at Las Vegas nightclubs. Dude can't creep.[Time.com]

• And Star magazine joins the tabloid pile-on by releasing a photo of Eldrick kissing a a dumpy-assed fan who attacked him in her underwear on a golf course in 1999. [Star]

Erin Andrews
Joked with Bill Cosby.
Turned 31.
Hit by foul ball.
Attacked by tiger.
Snooped in a hotel.
Confirmed the snooping.
Caused kvetching.
Splashed across New York Post front page.
Called 911.
Posed for GQ.
Talked to Oprah.
Went back to work.
Busted that peeper punk.
Seriously, check out that dude.

His last show featured Dan Marino, John Elway, Curt Schilling, Mark Cuban, Jerry Jones and Joe Namath, making it quite possibly the whitest hour of television this side of a Lawrence Welk rerun. On Tuesday, we'll get Floyd Mayweather, Michael Strahan, Pedro Martinez, Brian Westbrook and Brian Urlacher. This lineup threatens to be mildly entertaining for his viewership, which I believe consists entirely of people waiting for Katie Morgan's Sex Quiz to come on.

And how about this: You lucky Pierres in the New York area can watch Joe Buck Live live!

As of Monday, Nov. 30th we have tickets to the show, feel free to pass this invitation along.

JOE BUCK LIVE
TAPING TUESDAY, DEC. 8th - 9:30PM

at NYU'S SKIRBALL CENTER
566 LaGuardia Place, NYC

BE PART OF OUR EXCLUSIVE AUDIENCE!

Joe Buck Live extends its run of live shows with World Champion Boxer Floyd Mayweather, retired NFL star and actor Michael Strahan, pitcher Pedro Martinez, and current NFL Players, Brian Westbrook and Brian Urlacher. Taping in front of our live studio audience in New York City, this third, hour-long edition of the Joe Buck Live show will include live interviews, panel discussions and pre-recorded features. Don't miss another engaging and entertaining evening of live TV.

For more information about Joe Buck Live go to www.hbo.com/joebucklive/

To attend this exclusive JOE BUCK LIVE show on Tuesday, December 8th, YOU MUST BE AVAILABLE BETWEEN 8:30PM and 11:30PM. It will air on HBO simultaneously with repeat broadcasts at later dates. YOU MUST BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO ATTEND THE SHOW AND YOU MUST LIVE IN THE NEW YORK CITY AREA(NY, NJ, CT) TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR TICKETS OR BE IN NYC DURING THE FILMING WEEK.

TICKETS ARE COMPLIMENTARY.

If you are interested in being part of the JOE BUCK LIVE SHOW, please, email us at joebucklive@theblacklistnyc.com with the following information in both the subject line and body of your email or go to www.theblacklistnyc.com/joebucklive for more info:

1. Your full name
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One which will not put our reply to you in your trash folder and one which you check frequently.
PLEASE ALWAYS CHECK YOUR TRASH FOLDER JUST IN CASE!
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SINCE THIS IS A LIVE EVENT WE EXPECT THAT IF YOU ASK FOR TICKETS YOU WILL BE USING THEM. Thanks.
6. Do you consider yourself a big sports fan — which sports (you can put this in the body of the email)

Example: Tina Hays /haystina@sportsworld.com /(212) 555-1212 /25-30/2 tickets/big fan – football & basketball

This information is NOT shared or used for any other purposes other than to accommodate your ticket requests. Our Privacy Policy is available at www.theblacklistnyc.com/privacy.html

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Come join us for an insightful look into the sports world from JOE BUCK and the award-winning team at HBO SPORTS.
EMAIL ~ joebucklive@theblacklistnyc.com

The statement:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

And it's working, if TigerWoods.com's carefully monitored comments section is any indication of global sentiment. I think Sonylos1966 speaks, if not for all of us, then at least for his fellow Nike interns, when he writes: "Apoligy accepted!"

UPDATE: Amusing exchange in the TigerWoods.com mailbag, teased just below his "comment on current events":

Do you enjoy playing so far away from home? I can imagine that, now that you have children, it's got to be hard to be so far away from them.
- Rupert from Houston

You're exactly right, Rupert. Now, it's very difficult to leave Elin and the children, and I'm sure it's only going to get tougher. ...

Tiger comments on current events [TigerWoods.com]

The Knicks (who probably shouldn't be this bad) got a 27-10 out of Danilo Gallinari and dropped 126 points in all on the Suns (who probably shouldn't be this good). New York is still a mess. Donnie Walsh looks at Brandon Jennings and sighs, and D'Antoni turns his every press conference into an extended comic monologue on the wretchedness of his own team. But last night, at least, the Knicks finally did a serviceable impression of the Suns and in the process earned a standing ovation from a crowd that generally only rouses itself when a Yankee appears on the Jumbotron.

Honorable mentions: Boxing, which, as Barry noted earlier, might be getting that coveted title bout between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather after all. And Big Ten basketball, which is no longer playing slow and dull and which finds itself tied 3-3 in the ACC-Big Ten Challenge with a passable chance of actually winning one of these things.

•The teams look a little different, but the result was the same; UNC topped Michigan State in a rematch of the national championship. Yes, I know a game this early in the season means nothing, and yes, I know every team remotely worth a damn will have their chance in three months, but god damn, basketball's system is so much better than the BCS.

•Perhaps wary that their top secret disciplinary rules have been leaked, the NHL suspends Alexander Ovechkin two games for his knee-on-knee hit.

•Pacquiao-Mayweather will go down in either Vegas, New Orleans or at the new Cowboys Stadium, and will happen as early as March 13, in order to get it in before Pacquiao runs for Congress in the Philippines. Forget the titles in seven weight classes; Manny is going for wins in the two most corrupt professions on earth!

•Roy Halladay says trade him this offseason, or he won't approve any deals. So let's see: get a couple ML-ready young stars now, or have a season of Doc and only a couple compensatory draft picks in return. I wonder which the Blue Jays will choose? (Note: this is only a sarcastic question because J.P. Ricciardi is no longer in charge).

•In a matchup against his old team, Mike D'Antoni's Knicks lost to the Suns despite apparently scoring more points in a 48-minute span. I don't care what the box score says; the Knicks can't have beaten Phoenix by 27. This has to be a misprint, and I'm not going to be like that "Dewey Defeats Truman" paper.

•••••

Today's a big day for Sportshumans the world over: the 2009 SHOTY tourney begins a little later on. Vote or die.

As one perceptive mind puts it, this idea will "blow your damn mind." And yes, the idea of two extra weeks of football gives me a good-sized chubby. Let's look at the unsourced details as reported by the Post:

Among the changes under discussion are playing games on Thursdays and Saturdays for the entire season — not just at the end of the season, and playing at least eight games a year outside the US [ed note: hello, London Jaguars!].

Cramming 32 more games a year into TV schedules will be a challenge — as will deciding whether to cut the pre-game schedule by two or expand the season by two weeks.

This is too good to be true. It will shorten the mid-February sports wasteland. It'll stop teams from forcing you to buy two preseason games in your season ticket package. An extra two weeks plus an off-day means you get to play every other team in your fantasy league twice, evening things out.

So it'd be good for fans. But what about the players? You already hear them complain about the length of the season, so there's no way the NFLPA would let this fly. At least, not without a corresponding increase in salaries across the board, something the owners will never agree to.

For the league, it may not be the best PR move to put their players through additional punishment in the midst of a controversy over concussions. But never mind that; already, the teams that play into January are often the ones that stay healthy. With an 18-week season, no one will stay healthy. And while Jeff Hostetler and Tom Brady may make second-stringers starting in the playoffs seem sexy, it rarely works out so Disney-like.

I also don't think the NCAA is going to like this. The proposal moves games to Saturdays, and could bump the start of the season into prime college football dates before Labor Day. College football's not going to appreciate that competition, and it never pays to piss off a minor-league system that you get for free.

How about money? That's an extra 32 games the league has to put on, which ain't cheap. Some teams are already hurting; 14 franchises lost or didn't gain value last year, and that's before interest or taxes are figured in. Try telling Oakland or Seattle that they've got to play two more weeks, and see how receptive their fans will be to paying more money to cover the costs.

Look, we all want more football. It's God's sport, and we're lucky to have it. But let's not go overboard trying to make a good thing better, especially if we run the risk of making things worse.

Two More NFL Games A Year? Where To Put Them [NY Post]
The NFL Wants To Blow Your Damn Mind [Second-String Fullback]
The Business Of Football, 2009 [Forbes]

This was submitted as a potential Asshole Coach Digest entry, but I think it crosses a line. Now if it were Coach-Produces-His-Own-Child-Pornography Digest, then we'd consider it.

Robert Bopp already faces life in prison on charges that he paid a 14-year-old to perform oral sex on him. Add to that a child pornography rap for filming students with a hidden camera, with the tapes being made as recently as...last season. Jesus.

Parents are upset that they're only finding out now, even though authorities found the tapes in July.

The U.S. attorney asked us not to make contact until they completed their investigation," McInerney said, though he noted that some hockey parents had been told previously.

The lawyer said he has not seen the tape himself, but he said he has been told that the camera captured images of the players as they walked around the locker room.

Bopp, the once-lauded Grosse Pointe South High School ice hockey coach, stashed a small video camera to secretly tape his players in a locker room on two occasions during the 2008-09 season, according to a letter the school district sent to some ex-players in mid-November.

Last year, Bopp was inducted into the Michigan High School Hockey Coaches Association's Hall of Fame. So, when you complain about Busher Jackson's induction, remember it could be a lot worse.

Ex-Players Told Of Locker-Room Video [Detroit Free Press]

The Steelers and Bears lost big games this weekend, and the frustration mounted to the point of manufactured controversy. On the Sunday Night Football broadcast, Ward opened up to Bob Costas:

This game is almost like a playoff game. It's almost a must-win. I could see some players or teammates questioning, like, 'It's just a concussion. I've played with a concussion before. I would go out there and play.' So, it's almost like a 50-50 toss-up in the locker room, you know? Should he play? Shouldn't he play? It's really hard to say. I've been out there dinged up. The following week, got right back out there."

Only problem is, Big Ben's brain doctor told him that his brain wasn't in playing shape. So today Ward apologized to Roethlisberger via Facebook, which is apparently what you do when you've got more than 140 characters to write.

I would never question a man's toughness playing in a STEELER unif. I didn't mean to cause such a stir. My frustration was based on the fact that this was a big game for us to stay in the playoff picture and having Ben out there gave us our best opp to win in Balt. I was frustrated because there was no indication of... Ben not being able to play because he practiced a normal routine this week (wed, thurs and fri)."

[snip]

"I know Ben wanted to play this game but the docs told him he's down, and with that we trust our docs with their decisions. We would never jeopardize anyone's health for a game of football. Life is way to precious. One thing about Ben, he is a WINNER. We just wanted this game so badly."

So, all's well in Pittsburgh. These things are easier to get past when you're probably playoff bound. But in Chicago, Urlacher had this to say (obliquely) about Jay Cutler:

I hate the way our identity has changed. We used to establish the run and wear teams down and try not to make mistakes, and we'd rely on our defense to keep us in the game and make big plays to put us in position to win...Kyle Orton might not be the flashiest quarterback, but the guy is a winner, and that formula worked for us. I hate to say it, but that's the truth."

Today, he was asked to clarify. He clarified very little:

I'm not taking a shot at Jay. I'm not one bit taking a shot at Jay. He throws it better, right? And we haven't tried to run the ball as much. That's true. But Kyle has won games. His formula works. So I'm not taking a shot at Jay or Kyle."

Let's translate athlete-speak into English. Urlacher had originally said "the team needs to stop throwing so much, because Cutler is a bust who can't stop throwing interceptions and is costing the team games." His carefully considered remarks two days later are that "the team needs to stop throwing so much, because Cutler is a bust who can't stop throwing interceptions and is costing the team games. But I'm not taking a shot at Jay."

The lesson: get yourself a Facebook page, Brian. As of press time, more than 1100 people clicked the little thumbs-up icon next to Ward's comments.

Hines Ward Facebook Page [Facebook]
Brian Urlacher Says Comments About Chicago Bears Teammates Not Meant To Be Derogatory [Chicago Tribune]

From The Salt Lake Tribune :

The Salt Lake Tribune first reported Monday that Whittingham suffered a cut lip during an altercation on the field after the game. The photos, by a photographer with US Presswire, show an unidentified BYU fan latching on to Whittingham as he is being restrained by other fans. A second photo shows Whittingham and her daughter backpedaling from the altercation.

BYU police reported two different complaints were filed involving on-field scuffles in or near the area Jamie Whittingham and her daughter were following the game.

Idiot fan violence is a noble Holy War tradition, dating at least as far back as 1896, when police were called in to break up a brawl. It was one reason BYU dropped its football program from 1898 until 1922. "A burning cauldron of rivalry loathing," is how the Tribune's Gordon Monson puts it. Still, this latest outbreak has left Monson so shaken that he's throwing around Star Wars dialogue:

It's more likely, sadly, that it will go the other way, and Hall's words about hate will generate more hate. When I sat directly in front of him and heard them come out of his mouth, it reminded me of the quote spoken by that great philosopher Yoda.

"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

So, in the most homogeneous state in the Union, one sect of impossibly blond people has managed to find a reason to irrationally hate another sect of impossibly blond people. Awesome. Somewhere, Joseph Smith is stuffing his head in his hat again.

MWC reprimands Hall; photos show altercation [Salt Lake Tribune]
Monson: There's too much hate in BYU-Utah rivalry [Salt Lake Tribune]

* * * * *

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Barry Petchesky's here tonight.

The police have decided that Tiger Woods wasn't drunk and wasn't hopped up on pain pills when he slammed his Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant and a tree in front of his home, but he did crash his car on a city street and that's a no-no. They're giving him a ticket for careless driving, which carries a fine of $164 (payable in ball markers) and four points on his license.

However, since neither Mr. or Mrs. Woods is filing a domestic violence charge and there isn't enough evidence to pursue an assault investigation without a complaining witness, the authorities consider the matter closed. Legally, he's out of the woods. So to speak.

However, the court of public opinion will not be adjourning anytime soon. The National Enquirer may or may not have been barking up the wrong tree when they first tabbed Rachel Uchitel as Eldrick's mistress, but there appear to be plenty of other candidates willing to fess up to doing the dirty deed.

Woods tried to protect his wife by making her out to be a hero, but the jig is up. His private life, fiercely protected for most his adult life, is now open for business. And it looks like business will be good.

What remains to be seen is how many women will come out of the woodwork, how long Elin Nordegren will stand by her man, and how quickly Tiger can rehabilitate his image with the kind of people who buy Prudential Life Insurance and $500 drivers. Perhaps the Chinese have a simulation for that?

Deadspin's Tiger Woods Coverage

Bob:

I am trying to update my Netflix queue but their Top 100 is retarded, it still has Crash as the #1 movie (it came out in 2006). Any suggestions for movies to add or a website to use that has movies that are a little more recent?

I agree wholeheartedly. For a service that is otherwise a masterpiece of convenience, browsing for new flicks on the Netflix homepage is a total fucking disaster. I think they do this on purpose, so that demand for one movie doesn't jam up their stock. It's fucking bullshit. Just now, I went to the BROWSE NEW RELEASES section of the site. Here's are the first ten titles they recommended:

-GI Joe
-The Proposal
-Paper Heart
-Taken
-Night at the Museum 2
-Hotel for Dogs
-17 Again
-Away We Go
-The Goods
-How To Be

GO. FUCK. YOURSELF. Holy shit, Netflix. You recommend more shitty movies than Pete fucking Hammond. Here are a handful of major new releases that Netflix couldn't bother to add to their fucking page:

-Star Trek
-Bruno
-Up
-Angels & Demons

But that's just shit that's out already. If you're like me, you want to plan your queue much further in advance by adding movies that may be coming out within the next week or two, such as these four movies:

-Public Enemies (12/8)
-Harry Potter 6 (12/8)
-Julie & Julia (12/8)
-The Hangover (12/15)

Good luck finding those upcoming releases anywhere when you browse on Netflix. You have to search around the rest of the Internet for shit like that, googling "DVD chart" and shit. Assholes. I hate Blockbuster Video with the fury of a thousand death row prisoners, but at least there was that list up behind the counter that told you HEY. HERE IS SOME SHIT COMING DOWN THE PIKE YOU PROBABLY WANT TO RENT. How fucking hard is it to put together a similar list on the Netflix site? Instead, like Bob said, we're stuck with the Netflix Top 100, which is fucking retarded. The Bucket List is #3 on that chart. Number three? DIE. I hope the Netflix webmaster is forced to sit through a thousand viewings of Pumpkinhead.

Andrew:

I've got two teenage kids, so I've been through the art collecting process. Here's some great advice I can give on the subject:

Every time one of the rugrats comes home with a new masterpiece, take a minute and snap a digital picture of that fucker (or scan it if you are really anal). Then put it in a folder on your computer called "Junior's Artwork." Make sure the wife knows you're keeping all those pictures. She'll think you're all sensitive and shit. Make that folder into a screensaver for double bonus points. When she catches you throwing out the kid's latest Guernica, you can remind her you've got digital copies of everything. Set aside a couple of highlights from each year of the kid's life and gleefully trash all the other crap.

You're welcome.

THANK YOU!

Colombian Boy:

If you were gay, you'd be a highly prized "bear". Has anyone else brought this up to you and what do you think of it?

Not so fast. According to Urban Dictionary, a bear is, "A term used by gay men to describe a husky, large man with a lot of body hair." I'm large and husky, but I don't have the swarthy body hair of say, a Greek, an Italian or a Jew. I bet Daulerio's got an ass that looks like an Armenian carpet workshop.

I'm not gay, but I've always thought that if I were gay, I'd be really good at it. Clearly, I know how to work a penis. And I'm not afraid to get collateral ass sweat on my face. I'd be a wizard at the Manhole. Alas, tough shit for you, gays! You could have had an ace shaftworker among your ranks, but God had another plan in mind for me.

While we're on the gay subject, I've always thought the whole thing about tops and bottoms was a myth. If you're a gay couple, shouldn't you share pitching duties? It seems unfair to me that one guy always gets the ass and one always has to take it. I think there's more reciprocation going on than is advertised.

/wildly generalizing

Kyle:

Don't you hate it when your wife or girlfriend uses your razor? The worst part is, she actually throws out a barely used blade and replaces it with a brand new one! These razors are not cheap! Is there anything more infuriating than this?

My old lady doesn't do that, but that would, indeed, piss me off. I try and make each blade cartridge last at least a year. I'll use the thing until there are rust stains on my cheeks. It's insane how much a pack of Mach 3 blades costs. Sometimes, they put it behind the counter with all the Nicorette gum and Claritin. It's crazy. It's its own commodities market.

My bigger problem with females and razors is that my wife likes, without warning, to shave the back of my neck with her lady razor. DRY. Hey lady, this is not a fucking rock you're shaving. My skin is very sensitive, like a fresh born puppy's!

Joe:

Ever tried standing up to wipe? I know some guys that will do that which completely blows my mind. Doesn't standing up close your ass and smear shit all over the inside of your cheeks?

I had four people write in this week asking about wiping while standing up, which never occurred to me to do. So I went and tried it out just now. Simulated wipe only. Not live combat. I went to the bathroom, dropped my drawers, grabbed a wad of paper, and jammed it up my ass. And the ass closing is not quite the problem Joe thinks it may be (as I thought as well). The twisting isn't as awkward when you stand, which is nice. Less torsion.

HOWEVER, standing up to wipe means your ass is now in front of the bowl rim, which is no good for me. I'm a terrible dribbler, so piss would go all over the place if I did that. Also, sometimes you'll wipe your ass and there's a turtle chunk nestled in there that you didn't realize had yet to drop. Thus, brushing it with the toilet paper dislodges it and it falls into the bowl. If that happened while standing up… DOODIE!

So, in conclusion: Not a bad wipe, but not practical for shitters like me, who have to do lots of paperwork.

Jake:

So I was driving back from a sales call today and there is a Hummer in front of me, and the license plate of the car was HUMVE. Really?!?!?! How much of a douche do you have to be to actually think that a plate like that is cool? I couldn't focus on work the rest of today. All I could think about was how much of a douchebag that owner of that car must be. Then later in the day I see a Range Rover with the plate MiROV3R. Not only is that awful, but the person had to misspell it cause the correct spelling was already taken! These ppl need to be dragged into the streets and shot. That is all.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Overall, it's hard to get any personalized license plate and not look like an asshole. The only good one I ever heard was one mentioned on ESPN Radio once. Bob Ley has a personalized license plate that reads DNP-CD. Well played, sir.

Jdub

Why in the HELL would Leitch skip over the poop story every week? Is he gay?

Oh, yeah. Also: Not a bear.

Bryan:

I don't know about you, but I feel very strongly about pissing in the dark in the middle of the night. Why should I be woken up anymore than I already am by blinding myself with fluorescent light when I've been pissing successfully for 25+ years?

I agree. I never turn on the light to piss at night. You turn on that light, and then all your rods and cones immediately adjust. It's like being punched in the face. I don't like a nightlight in the bathroom either, because even that wakes me up a little more than I really want. After a while you learn to masterfully navigate your own bathroom in the dark. But I also piss in the dark anywhere else I go: hotel rooms and the like. And that's a really fun game to play with yourself: Strange Toilet Night Pissing. Am I aiming right? Am I aiming right? I think I am. Then you let fly, and you know immediately by the sound of the piss if you hit the center of the bowl or not. You either get that loud splash (BOOSH!), or you nail the floor and it goes spraying all over your foot. Sometimes, I think I've hit the toilet beach and kept on pissing, only to learn in the morning that I was washing the floor the whole time.

Brett:

The biggest piece of shit is in the world is the late game local news halftime update. Most of the games are over and they could show highlights from those games, but instead we get three minutes of highlights followed commercials followed by 4 minutes of local news. If I wanted to hear about pedophiles, weather reports, and school shootings, I'd watch the fucking local news and not football.

Most of the time, they don't even tell you the weather. They just tease it, in hopes you'll stick around for the 11PM news. Like the fucking temperature for tomorrow morning is some precious resource they couldn't possibly divulge to you at this hour. Let me NOT check weather.com and wait for you to reveal it to me! Assholes.

I've also been known to severely misjudge the length of halftime. When the half hits, I get up and go start doing shit, like maybe cooking or checking email. I always think I have all the time in the world, then I go back to the TV and there's 11 minutes left in the third quarter. SHIT! What the fuck? I swear I was only gone for ten minutes!

Big Boobs Magee:

I am a newlywed (3 months and counting) and other than cooking, cleaning and good ol' fucking/sucking... I was wondering if you had any substantive advice from the husband's perspective on how to make a marriage last. I know it's a 50/50 effort, but I'm researching my 50 and I'd like to get a general male perspective on things.

Specifically, do you have any "typical wife" pitfalls to avoid? What is the one (non-sex related) thing your wife does that you love the most?

When I fall asleep in a chair or on the sofa, or on top of a bed (sometimes I fall asleep on top of the bed without bothering to get under the covers), she'll come cover me with a blanket. Best feeling in the world when someone covers you with a blanket as you're dozing off. Everything is all right when your lady does that for you.

Oh, and don't treat him like a child or pet.

Another JJ:

Has anyone ever told you that you look like Matthew Stafford? But, you know, a lot fatter and uglier?

And poorer. Don't forget poorer.

Nate Black:

How many bottles of shit does a woman need to have in the shower? I swear my girlfriend buys new soap/facewash/shampoo/conditioner every time we are out somewhere, but heaven fucking forbid she remove the bottles she currently has in the shower before adding the new ones. It's like a battlefield full of mines every time I step in there, I barely have room to bath with all the shit everywhere….and don't give me the shower hanger option…because that thing is at max capacity. If you could take the over/under on if I was going to knock one of those bottles off while showering….bet the over EVERY TIME! And do I pick it up? FUCK NO! Sometimes I'll even use my heavy flow of urine to drive it towards the drain.

I went up now and checked, and my Mrs. has eleven bottles of shit in the shower. And women leave them all over the place: in the caddy, on the soapdish, on the floor, on top of the shower door. I can't take a step without getting a bottle of Pantene falling on my foot.
Yet, somehow, it's always MY bottles that somehow get in the way. Like it's okay to have eleven medium-sized bottle of crap, but my economy-sized Head and Shoulders is some kind of massive imposition.

Women also dominate the medicine cabinet with at least an 80/20 split. Annoying. Men and women really need their own bathrooms. Sometimes, I'll be taking a shit, and my wife will just waltz on in and start flossing or something. And I'm like, "Hey, do you fucking mind? Trying to squeeze one out here." That's my shitting time. That's my time for ME.

Kurt:

As someone with years of jerking experience, have you ever been ashamed of your visual aid because it's pathetic (e.g., lingerie section of Sears catalog) or pervy (e.g., picture of sister in a bikini with a thumb held over the face)?

Not really. There was one time when I was caught by my college roommate's girlfriend while jacking it to The Price Is Right. That kind of sucked. Otherwise, I have no shame about what I choose to jerk to: old women, animated women, dogs, Josh Homme, whatever.

My big thing when I was a kid used to be staying up to watch the talk shows, and seeing if the female guest was wearing a skirt or not. If she wore a pantsuit, I cursed her to her grave. But if she wore a tight skirt, and sat down and crossed her legs, and I saw that little groove of skin running up the side of her outer thigh… HERE COMES MONGO!

FriendsOfScottSisson:

I'm a DJ with a rock station.

Other than the "Drink more scotch and smoke more cigars to sound more like Pat Summerall", any advice for a rookie play by play guy? We're starting next week with basketball. Thanks.

The first thing you need to know is how to do the call letters properly. Say it with me: WNnnnnnnnBC!

Alex:

Are you by chance the illegitimate love child of the guy who is the "VP of _____" in the Sony PS3 commercials?

Don't you mean a fatter and uglier version of him?

Kristofferson Kriskristofferson

Why do people say SOUTH Florida on the one hand, yet SOUTHERN California on the other? What is wrong with Southern Florida and South California? I could go on (Western Kentucky, West Texas, etc.), but you get the idea.

I have no clue. I never even considered that before. That's the best goddamn HIGHdea I ever heard. And don't get me started on Westerly Montana.

Jonathan:

I just moved from New York to Hong Kong and Asian girls are incredibly hot. That's all.

And, unlike in New York, they haven't all been swooped up by the black and Jewish guys yet!

Chris:

You have a kid. So do I. Ever have your kid layout one of those silent but smelly farts that makes you think they threw down in their diaper? It smells so bad that you don't even check. So you take them back to change them, expecting all kinds of chaos, and there is nothing there? That might be the best feeling in the world. Its even better than scoring the last ice cream sandwich from the freezer. Pure bliss.

Even better? My wife and pretty much take turns with the dirty diapers. When my kid lays out one of the farts sans poop and I get that changing table joy, I still play it up. Loudly. I call for my wife to come witness the devastation that my daughter hath wrought. Of course, being a woman, she isn't interested in verifying my daughter's debauchery. She takes it at face value. Now, not only am I spared a poop filled experience, but my wife gets two in a row, (Because, believe me, once a kid farts that bad, a terrible, loose doodie is brewing and an hour or so away. Those farts are like baby thunder. Warning a man that the shitstorm is coming.), and she doesn't even know it. And women say men are stupid.

Oh, Chris one evil bastard. I have that happen all the time, but I'm too stupid to lie about it. I just cry out HEY, THERE'S NO SHIT HERE! WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL, YOU LITTLE BASTARD? I CAME UPSTAIRS FOR NUTHIN'!

Jhonka:

I read that you worked at an agency in a prior work-life, I used to work at an agency too and wanted to ask you one question. Why do ad agencies attract modestly attractive to highly attractive women/girls like flies at a picnic?

Because advertising and publishing are two fields that are happy to hire people right out of college, so the average woman working there is younger and, therefore, better looking. And it's not as unfriendly an industry to women as finance is, nor does it have hours that are terribly demanding (unless you get stuck on a shitty account). Also, the pay blows, and women in Manhattan can more easily afford to have a bad-paying job than the men living there can. Plus, if you're an agency looking to attract clients, it doesn't hurt to have row after row of attractive women lining your offices.

A long time ago, back when I was working in NYC, I once snuck out of work to go interview at a different ad agency for a copywriter job. I walked in and met my potential art director partner, who was this guy from the South who wouldn't stop talking about pussy. The whole time. Just everything he said was, "God damn, some of the pussy in here!" He had a beer poster with a hot chick on his cubicle wall, and he pointed at it and was like, "God, I bang her so hard." So in walks a more senior art director to say hi to me. And stupid me, I figured raging sexism was kind of the atmosphere at this place. So, attempting to fit in, I had this exchange with the guy:

Senior AD: So Drew, what brings you here?

Me: Well, I got tired of ogling all the boobs at my old agency. Figured I could use a new batch! Am I right? Huh? Huh?

Senior AD (recoils in horror): Yeah. That's kinda creepy, man. (leaves)

They never called me back.

Seaward:

I have a buddy who's getting married in July, and his fiancee has definitely got around our relatively small group of friends (seven guys) before they started dating. IE, in the two weeks prior to their getting together, she blew me and got on another guy in our group before eventually landing on her husband-to-be. My question is this: is it EVER appropriate to joke about this with the guy?

Uh, no.

Andy:

As a father, what is your stance on putting together Christmas toys?

I personally love when I have to put shit together for them. Gives me something visible to do rather than play with the kids ("sorry kid, clearly I'm PUTTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER"), and the feeling of satisfaction once it is together is sublime. I AM MAN.

I agree with the sense of satisfaction you get from constructing something. But that conflicts with my intense enjoyment of not doing things. Plus, I always fuck up one step in the process and have to disassemble the thing all over again. Or there's something in the diagram that's completely vague to me and I have to spend eight years trying to figure out just what the fuck it is they're telling me to do. FUCK YOU, SWEDES.

Josh:

Do you ever jerk it to cinemax movies? Y'know for old times sake.

If I had Cinemax, I would. One thing that always bothered me about Cinemax is… ever turn it on late on a Friday night, and there's an ACTUAL movie on? God, that pisses me off. I know they like to play real movies from time to time to give off the illusion that they aren't a porn channel, but god dammit. Just show softcore after 11PM at all times every night. Don't make this a game of roulette. AND NO, I DON'T HAVE DVR, SO GET FUCKED IF YOU HAVE IT.

Also, apart from their porn series (Best Sex Ever, etc.), every softcore movie on Cinemax now seems to star Mary Carey. I need more variety than ol' Flabbytits.

Evan:

I went through my entire work day yesterday knowing that, that night was taco night at my house. Exciting right?

Damn straight. I love taco night.

I ate just the right amount of lunch to achieve optimum stomach size and I was famished by the time I got home. I bit into my first taco and I knew instantly that something was wrong. A little background here...my wife for the last year or so has gone full vegetarian which I think is retarded but whatever, it doesn't affect me right? Wrong. I started pressing her and I come to find out that my taco isn't comprised of dead animals but of some sort of soy/vegetable concoction. Even worse is that I discover that this isn't the first time she has pulled the goalie on me.

Pretty sure that's the wrong metaphor there.

I voiced my dissatisfaction and went as far as to leave and go get a flesh burger just to teach her a lesson. My question is this: Is there anything else I can do?

Yes. Cook it yourself. Cooking tacos is fun, and you have control over all the ingredients. Learning to cook means never leaving something as crucial as Taco Night to chance. Pass the Old El Paso…

Chris:

Just got an iPhone, and have discovered Google Reader. Why is this important? Because there are sites like somedayafternoon.tumblr.com (NSFW) that have RSS feeds and deliver new porn to my phone on a continuous basis. Don't ever have to worry about the IT department or those stupid HR rules.

We are truly living in a gilded age.

And that's one to grow on. Last one:

Eric:

I don't care that you hated Favre for 16 years. He's your quarterback. He's changed that team. He's the leader of that team. He's more buddy-buddy with Percy Harvin than he was to any Packer not named Chewy or Bag-o-donuts. And he's been AWESOME. You have the best shot at a title since 99 and it's all because this team is now Purple Judas's Team, not Purple Jesus'. So give him his due. Let's hear that apology. Give me SOMETHING! I have to spend every fucking day with Packers fans who suddenly despise their "Hero." The least you can do is give me some of that positive emotion I miss so much when he was MINE! I don't want to hear Joe Buck and Troy Aikman APOLOGIZING on-air for blowing Favre – but I do want to hear an actual Vikings fan admit he is LOVING the Favre experience and describe why…

We'll deal with this in the Jamboroo. See you Thursday.

TMZ (of course) reports that US Weekly has a massive interview with a woman named Jamiee (the extra "e" is for "emotionally damaged") Grubbs, who claims she had a 31-month affair with Tiger, chock-full of texting, sexting and all sorts of other details that will most likely have Elin reaching for the irons again.

Congratulations, Rachel Uchitel. Your Google-trending will be overtaken by this Grubbs woman starting...now.

Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen got his face intercepted by a man's fist outside a South Bend bar, and pretty soon everyone started doing the Rashomon thing.

On the occasion of the Sports Fella's appearance atop The New York Times bestseller list, Leitch wrote: "Good ideas win out. Perseverance and new perspectives break through. The old rots and washes away. Sometimes the good guys win." Charles P. Pierce saw things differently, writing of Simmons: "You are not the cosmos, son. Get the fuck over yourself. "

"In an effort to reinvent myself, in a cut throat industry that was becoming more and more competitive the deeper I swam," Jenn Sterger wrote, "I made the decision to go against the grain and remove my implants." This is our generation's answer to Thoreau's Walden. The results of her decision were subsequently Tweeted.

A semi-pro football player tackled his teammate, and Barry Petchesky provided the video.

Dash's gallery of sports-themed Halloween costumes spawned two sequels. The highlight was this cogent piece of media criticism.

Leitch launched his Aughts retrospective with this massive gallery of the decade's towering failures.

With the yank of a ponytail, New Mexico women's soccer player Elizabeth Lambert became an American symbol of something or other, and then all was forgiven after she wore a pretty pink crinkle scarf in the New York Times.

The Clemson rowing team got some exposure ...

... as did Grady Sizemore, whose extensive self-portraiture was swiped from his girlfriend's e-mail account.

And then Tiger Woods, a well-known golfing personage, went and crashed his car into a fire hydrant and a tree in the early morning after Thanksgiving. He had cuts on his face, which may or may not have been caused by his wife, who may or may not have been reacting to rumors of Tiger's cheating heart. I will defer here to friend of Deadspin Chas, who notes that Tiger is the best there was when laying two.

• There are only eight nominees, rather than the 16 of years past.
• These eight nominees are unseeded.
• We will be announcing a nominee a day through next Friday, in alphabetical order.
• Voting will begin the morning of Monday, December 14, and a winner will be announced on Wednesday, December 16.
• Then everyone can move on with their lives.

Yes, this might be a little jarring to some of you, (CHANGE! BAD! YOU'RE RUINING IT! ETC.) but I've found that SHOTY seems to drag on and on, and by the time you get back from the holiday break, everyone's forgotten who or what or why they're supposed to be voting. So Leitch and I picked 8 people we felt exemplified the true spirit of SHOTY-ness (whatever that is) and we'll just have one big vote at the end so chubby-baby-loving rubes from Kansas can't stuff the ballot and piss everyone off.

Tomorrow, Emeritus will reveal the first nominee.

As you may have heard, after a 12-game preseason the Gators' first actual football contest takes place this Saturday against Alabama. Winner gets the BCS Championship Game. So obviously Dunlap's timing is impeccable. And now his coach has an interesting decision to make. Will Urban Meyer suspend his team's leading sack maker before the biggest the game of the season? Thanks to the Brandon Spikes incident—where Meyer was lambasted for his one half suspension—he might not have a choice. Or will the importance of this game allow him to make up some sort of excuse about "waiting for the legal process to sort things out" and keep Dunlap active, thereby not punishing him at all?

What if he does suspended Dunlap? Will it matter? Would an Alabama victory (if they can even still get one) be cheapened? Something tells me Tide fans wouldn't be broken up about it. Either way, we're going to learn a little something about the Florida coach this week, although perhaps the fact that no one is totally sure which way he'll go tells us something already.

Also, falling asleep at a traffic light? That shows a real commitment to drunk driving. That's the kind of stuff that makes NFL scouts sit up and take notice.

Dunlap's Arrest Puts Spotlight on Florida [New York Times]
Gators' star defensive end charged with DUI [Journal Constitution]
Dunlap's arrest inexplicable [ESPN]

Naturally, by exclusive interview, they really mean that they put a tape recorder in front of Uchitel, let her rant for twenty minutes or so about all the people who are out to get her and then transcribed it. (The only downside to this strategy is that the Post didn't have room to call her a "buxom beauty.") Uchitel says she's only met Tiger twice in her whole life, and only in her capacity as a VIP party planner. She didn't sleep with him, didn't sext him, didn't follow him to Melbourne, Australia, so she could sneak into his room and destroy his marriage, and he definitely didn't tell her that he loved her. So there you go.

But she also had some choice words for the women that she believes sold her out to the National Enquirer.

"She's just a total train wreck, this girl, and decided because she heard me say Tiger's name a bunch and her and her wicked little friend are looking for a story . . . I think they probably misinterpreted because they are on so many drugs and just stupid. When I was arguing four hours on the phone about Tiger, they probably thought, 'Oh, Rachel knows Tiger.'

[...]

[One of the sources] is just looking for a payday because she is a f- - -ing hooker and wants money. She just got a little smart for once and put some things together she could use for a story."

Now that's an interview! It remains to be seen whether she produces the witnesses and evidence that she says will clear her name, or whether anyone will believe it—especially Mrs. Eldrick—but she does make a pretty persuasive argument. You should really read the whole thing, especially the part where she talks about wanting a regular normal guy to settle down with.

Dude ... that's you! You should totally call her!

Tiger Woods alleged other woman Rachel Uchitel gives exclusive interview with The Post [NY Post]

First, defenseman Keith Ballard got beat back down the ice, then he failed to secure the rebound after Vokoun stopped a breakaway shot, then stood by helplessly as Ilya Kovalchuk put the puck home to take the lead for Atlanta. Understandably peeved, Ballard reared back with a two-handed baseball swing to smash his stick on the goal post, but instead landed a blow flush on Vokoun's noggin, slicing his ear open and knocking him out of the game. (He's okay, but had to be taken off the ice on a stretcher.)

It's one thing to try and give your teammates a little nudge when the team is down, it's another thing to blindside him with a stick to the skull. It's like the one time you decide to throw a spitball in class and you end up hitting some girl in the face and killing her. (Not that there's any proof of that!) I suggest that Ballard pick up Vokoun's dinner tabs when the team is on the road, from now until forever.

Tomas Vokoun Injury [NHL.tv]
Video: Vokoun's ear sliced by angry Florida teammate's stick [Puck Daddy]

They didn't just do it with Drew Brees passing the ball wherever he wished (although he did do that) and they didn't just get some lucky bounces on defense (although they did get those) and they didn't do it because Bill Belichick secretly murdered his kickers. (Although he's still not afraid to go for it on 4th down.) The Saints sliced the Patriots up on offense and shut them down on defense. A couple of times they even made Tom Brady look like Drew Henson. This team is officially THE REAL DEAL.

In fact, looking at their schedule, I don't see where their first loss comes from. Does anyone other than Dallas even put up a fight? And do you have any doubt that Brees that can't pick that defense apart?

Best of all, any TV producers compiling file footage for their "How the Saints saved New Orleans" packages to be shown this January will not have done so in vain. Remember how awesome it was when people had to live in the Superdome for a week! Let's relieve that moment over and over and over again.

Dome housing a winner again [The Boston Globe]
Brees a godsend for Saints [San Diego Union-Tribune]
New Orleans Saints prove they are for real [NOLA.com]
Earlier: Saints Rebuild New Orleans For Fourth Consecutive Year

Honorable mention: Hackers who are exploiting your lust for all things Tiger Woods to install malware on your computers. Remember, kids—never visit any website that isn't Deadspin.com! (Seriously, don't do it. It's a scary world out there.) [Sophos]