We've been trying to piece together the fight in the parking lot at baseball's winter meetings in Orlando. Threats of arson? Yes. Gary Sheffield and Dave Stewart? No. Grown men twirling and clapping and slapping? My goodness yes!
Jeb Lund was on the scene, and saw the very beginning of the fight. Two men striding out of the hotel, already exchanging words and vague promises of violence. What happened next will shock and horrify.
You know the University of Florida Gator Chomp? Well, he sort of did that. He stuck his left arm out, palm upturned and rigid, and he started just slapping it with his right palm with almost Pete Townshend-esque levels of arm windmilling. Hard. If you'd told me this guy was the front half of a two-man horse costume and thought he was counting by clopping down his hooves, I would have believed you.
Then he screamed at the first man, "THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE."
And, I mean, I don't know, but, like, the first guy looked at him and said, "NO, THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE," and then started doing the exact same thing back at the second guy. What is the sound of two morons clapping?
True to form, they started slapping at each other. That effete elbows-out, bent slapping, like two levers coming down–two T-Rex's waving their useless little upper appendages at each other. WATCHMEWIGGLEMYBABYARMS.
WE NEED TO KNOW WHO THESE MEN ARE.